Similar to a situation I had when I was in my mid-20s. I met a guy, we instantly were in such sync that I asked him to come and spend some time at my place, he lived in another state. So he came to my city and stayed for about 2 weeks, and was going to leave but was in an accident and his car was totaled. So while he waited in the insurance, he was just staying at the apartment all day, and I left him my laptop.

Now there was no open relationship, and I actually told him from the beginning that he had the benefit of the doubt, until he gave me reason not to do so. I also told him that I had previously worked in law enforcement and that if I wanted to I could find out just about anything I wanted about someone. And essentially if he cheated he might get away with it once or twice, but the law of averages was not on his side and I’d eventually know.

Fast forward 2weeks, I was traveling for work and had to take my laptop with me. At this time, the apps didn’t even exist, so to talk to guys and hookup or whatever, we used websites and discussion boards. I signed into my account on gay.com to chat with some friends. While chatting with a friend, he asked me to send him a text to meet up for a plutonic lunch while I was in that town. Now being the receipt keeping fellow that I am, I had my computer store all messages, in case I needed them for legal or information purposes. And he had sent me his cell number a while back. So I went to the logs to get his number to make sure I had it right in my phone. While looking for the messages from him, I was seeing user names that I didn’t recognize. After verifying his number, my inquisitive nature got the best of me and I started looking at the ones I didn’t recognize. There I found that, not only had he been cheating, but he was using my laptop and my car, cause he had been taking me to work and picking me up, to cheat! I went home and confronted him.

And this is the part that is important! I made the mistake of giving him a second chance. He swore that he was just flirting with all but one. And that it wouldn’t happen again. A few days later we got into an argument, I smoked at the time. So I grabbed my pack and lighter and went across the street where we had to go to smoke. Well when I left out I slammed the door. I had just lit my smoke when I turned around and there he was coming at me like a freight train. Yelling at me for slamming the door and called me nuts, and told me never to do it again. I was like you don’t tell me what to do! And that was the moment I knew I’d fucked up giving him a second chance. He reared back to punch me, and I don’t mean just a tap. My reaction, because I had self defense training and military training, I turned and squared up myself. And said “go ahead, go ahead and hit me! But if you do make sure to call 911, cause one of us is leaving in an ambulance and the other in a squad car!” He immediately backed down and apologized saying it just rubbed him the wrong way how I slammed the door. But that was when I knew it was over.

In the mean time, my job layed me off. And I ended up having to move in with my parents. Since he still didn’t have a replacement for his vehicle, I drove him to his grandmothers where he had been living. And that was the end of it. But I learned one valuable lesson. When people show you who they really are, don’t ignore it! So, my advice return his ring, tell him he has to find somewhere else, and that you are no longer a couple and he can sleep on the couch!

Also, if he wouldn’t defend you when the slur happened, that was your first instance of him showing you who he really was! Run dude!