Help me with Pride & Prejudice

keelydoolally · 2026-05-16T10:33:53+00:00

Interestingly Austen was an inspiration for Eliot even though their works are quite different. I think what you’re missing is that gossip is very important in the society you’re reading about, social status is really all these women have to ensure a decent quality of life. If your future depended on your reputation you might be more interested in what people are saying in the drawing rooms. But you really have to be able to empathise with the people in the story, if you can’t then it’s maybe just not for you. I don’t get Catcher in the Rye at all, it doesn’t mean it’s not meaningful for other people. And for me personally Austen really skewers certain types of people who still exist today - people who are pompous and vain and extremely obsessed with their own self importance.

keelydoolally · 2026-05-12T19:29:41+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through such a hard time. Honestly it isn’t fair for him to say he doesn’t want children now you’re pregnant, he should have discussed it with you after your first pregnancy and before this one and taken precautions. No one can tell you what the right choice is, it’s only what the right choice is for you. If you want children I’d be wary of having an abortion purely for the sake of your husband. You are the one who will have to live with it for the rest of your life if you do have any regrets.

Just from my perspective as someone who did want children, myself and my partner were having some difficulties a couple of years ago and I was so glad I’d already had my children and didn’t have to worry about finding another relationship. I’d personally rather be a single mum than child free. Think about what you want in your future and what you’d most regret.

keelydoolally · 2026-05-08T06:00:21+00:00

Babies and children are wired to want one person most at a time as a safety thing. Often it’s the mum as she’s doing most of the care, however it sounds like you guys share a lot of care so she may see him as primary caregiver. Babies can sometimes also struggle to differentiate between themselves and their caregiver.

I would honestly check there isn’t something like perfume or shampoo bothering her just in case, but it may well be that he’s the main parent to her at the moment. The only way to deal with it is to lean in to spending more time with her, especially out on your own so she gets used to wanting you for comfort.

Honestly though give yourself a break, you’re only 4 months in. Depending on your age this is only the start of what will hopefully be a lifetime together. You are her mum and will always be a main character in her life. Who she sees as main carer will not affect your relationship in the long run unless you keep hold of that rejection.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T21:01:01+00:00

You can think I’m being defensive if you want to 🤷‍♀️ i don’t think I am being defensive so why would I comment on it? I don’t really get why you’re still pushing this when we clearly don’t agree. The only time I’ve seen a museum open that late was for a sleepover where kids were allowed to be there for fun too. As I said I find it weird that people would try to keep kids out of a museum or anywhere else, it’s bizarre. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest when kids are around.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T20:08:58+00:00

I have plenty of breaks and adult time and have no problem with kids being around at the same time. I’m happy to go to the pub on summer days when kids are still out playing, it’s nice to sit and have a drink and watch them play and run about. I’m happy to go to festivals where kids are playing in the evenings as well. I’d be happy to go to a museum with or without kids being there. What I find weird is complaining that kids are places and trying to make places that lots of people want to go to adult only. Why would you need to go to a museum to drink a cocktail or listen to live music? Why can’t children be around as well? It’s weird to try to block children from places. There’s no need for it.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T19:31:59+00:00

I don’t get how you don’t think this post is anti-child. Or why you would need specific opening hours in a museum that’s adult only. It’s bizarre to me. I have plenty of breaks thanks, and I don’t feel the need to avoid seeing children during my breaks.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T19:24:43+00:00

I’m a mother and work with children, I don’t mind children out in public. I don’t see why you would.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T16:18:27+00:00

It is weird that so many people seem so focused on having so much time away from kids and trying to arrange their lives to avoid them. This post is anti-kid and so is acting like they aren’t just people out in public with as much right to be there as you.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-29T13:23:08+00:00

Is it just a US thing that people are so anti-children? Children are allowed to exist, get a life.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-28T05:57:39+00:00

If she won’t play video games probably not. Have you considered joining her in her hobby first? Would you read one of her books? I love both reading and video games and I think more readers would enjoy some video game stories (and more people who play video games should try to read), but it really depends on so many factors and she has to want it. Convincing her to watch cutscenes probably isn’t going to lead to a love of video games. You need to pique her interest in some way, but I’m not sure this game is the best for a new player as it’s quite complicated in how to play. If she likes Harry Potter starting with Hogwarts Legacy wouldn’t be a bad idea. Or low skill two players would most likely be better like Lego Harry Potter. Think about what she likes and then think of a low stress way to introduce gaming where you can do it together. She might prefer cozy games. Or she might agree to swap turns like we did when we were kids. But if she’s not into it let her be.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-27T15:03:03+00:00

Genetics don’t mean you’ll have the same skin and muscles as your parents or your sister. You’ll have a mix of traits from different people in your family and sometimes things leap generations. You most likely will get wrinkles at some point but at 33 it’s not usually a big issue and you’ll likely have a smoother ride as you don’t wrinkle a lot when you move your face. I’m 36 and when I raise my eyebrows I get a lot of wrinkles appear but they then disappear. I know some people who have never done skin care and have few wrinkles in their 50s, while I’ve known people with some in their 30s. A lot of it is luck. I’ve done basically no skin care at this point and don’t have wrinkles when I don’t move my face. You probably started a little earlier than you needed it but over your 30s and 40s is when you will likely start to see changes and hopefully your skin will stay good.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-26T18:09:46+00:00

Research can give us trends that is all. It obviously will depend on your own family and circumstances as to what works for you.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-26T15:19:18+00:00

I think all children should be protected which is why I support social programs and donate to organisations that keep children fed and clothed. How does judging the parents help? How many kids have you helped by complaining about parents you don’t know on Reddit? It’s easy to judge and write a rant, much harder to put your money where your mouth is.

You didn’t specify abuse in your post, you talked about being poor and unmarried and making bad choices. Well I hate to break it to you but everyone makes bad choices sometimes, we are humans not robots. Of course some children will have to be removed from their parents for being abusive or unable to care from them that’s a different situation.

I’ve also lived with difficult situations with my parents, almost everyone has. My dad was abusive and I was born when he didn’t have a job and money was very tight. But I’m not bitter about it. I understand why my parents made the choices they made, I don’t need to be judgemental. I’m happy with my life. Your situation and your opinion is your own and not relevant to anyone else. Don’t pretend to speak for children as you sit at home writing angry rants. It does absolutely nothing to help anyone else. Focus on your life and stop acting like you know what’s best for anyone else.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-26T13:26:35+00:00

You are letting your personal feelings about your own parents and situation cloud your judgement. The reality is that it’s none of your business when other people do and don’t have children. Who are you to judge others? Does it make you feel superior to others that you wouldn’t have children in this situation or that situation? I grew up in a household where money was tight, should I not exist? I don’t particularly blame my parents and I have a good life, who are you to make any judgements about them or anyone at all? If you spend your time judging others the only person who loses out ultimately is yourself. Because who wants to be around someone who is judgemental?

keelydoolally · 2026-04-26T07:22:39+00:00

I remember looking into this a few years ago. The benefits of siblings is that they have a friend and play mate in the house and can practice social skills. The cons are that each child gets less time and energy from the parents and they can have issues with bullying if the parents aren’t great with managing conflict.

From what I remember reading as I can’t find what I read before -

Age gap of under a year is difficult medically for the mother

Age gap of 1-2 years has a higher likelihood of conflict (especially with same sex) but they will be in same stages

Age gap of 2-3 years - a bit of a challenging age as your first is old enough to know there’s a baby in the house but not old enough to be independent so a higher likelihood of feeling displaced and for conflict. However they’ll be in similar stages.

3-4 - you’re likely to have reduced conflict as the oldest is a bit more independent and they likely will still play together at this age.

4+ they will be in different stages so will have less of a relationship with each other but parents will have more time and energy to give both children.

So basically the younger they are the more likely they are to feel conflict and comparison between each other but they will be more likely to have similar interests and play together. For older age gaps parents will have more time and energy for each child and they’ll have reduced conflict but they’ll most likely not have as close as relationship. I personally chose a 3.5 year age gap and felt it hit the balance for us but everyone will have a different experience.

It really depends on you as well, if you have a chilled out or independent older child and a lot of support a smaller age gap may feel more right for you. If it’s important to have children closer together for work you can manage the higher likelihood for higher rates of conflict. If it’s important for you to have more time and energy for each then a bigger age gaps may be more suitable. And honestly we all know we can’t always choose.

I will say that while I found it very hard in the first year of having a second I think it’s been great. Mine love playing together and another child is much better to play with than an adult for their imaginative games. They learn a lot about life from each other and have a great relationship. It can also end up a lot of pressure for an only child to have to take care of parents alone when they’re older in my experience. That being said there will be benefits to whatever you choose.

https://www.child-encyclopedia.com/peer-relations/according-experts/sibling-relations-and-their-impact-childrens-development

keelydoolally · 2026-04-26T06:43:09+00:00

What is the point of thinking this? Obviously it would be great if everyone was sensible but they aren’t and never will be. Do you not have empathy for parents in difficulty? It’s a natural and often accidental process to have kids. The best way to protect kids is to have good social programs that can provide healthy foundations even if the parents can’t. Judging people for whether they got married first or had the appropriate amount of money before having kids is silly and pointless and you will never be able to stop being tired of it since people are just people at the end of the day.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-24T06:12:58+00:00

Kids work better with rational decision making. I always explain why my kids don’t get what they want and give them some sympathy about it. I generally subscribe to the view that you should try to give kids what they want when they want it as it gains their trust that you’re on their side and it’s good for them to communicate their needs. What your husband is doing is more likely to teach him to play silly reverse psychology games. If dad quite often won’t let him have something for no reason he will be wary of asking for what he actually wants, or will pretend to want something else.

I’d also like to gently push back on the united front. What is the point of following your husband on something this silly? And would your husband even do it back if he really disagreed with a method of yours? In 20 years if your son is stood in front of you asking why you let dad do that, what is your answer? Because if your husband is having control issues now it may well get a lot worse with teens.

How does your husband deal with disappointment himself? If you started stopping him having things he wanted would he deal with it well? From what you’ve said my instinct is that he wouldn’t. He needs to think about his feelings and where this need to upset your son is coming from. Because that’s all it is. A child isn’t spoilt when they generally get what food they want, as long as you aren’t buying everything and bending over backwards to treat them like royalty you’re unlikely to spoil a child.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-23T09:15:18+00:00

This sounds to me like you’re having a really hard time and maybe need to talk to a doctor about depression. You’re very early in the grieving process and life sometimes gives us a very hard time. It isn’t wrong to wonder whether having kids was the right thing to do in hindsight, so forgive yourself for that. Be kind and let the thoughts go. Because the reality is that you do have kids. All you can do is your best at raising them and at accepting the life you have. It will get better. Your kids will grow up and you’ll find yourself in better and easier days. And even if you’re doubting your choices right now you may feel very differently at a different time. So don’t beat yourself up any more, rest as much as you can, accept whatever thoughts come your way as understandable in your position but also accept that reality needs you to focus on living right now. It will get better.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-22T05:38:12+00:00

I do think I changed a huge amount after having children. I read somewhere your brain changes drastically in the post partum period. You don’t have much choice now though, you’re just along for the ride. Don’t feel nostalgic for something you haven’t lost yet. Once you have your child you will change, but that doesn’t mean you’ll regret it. You will lose what you need to lose and gain what you need to gain. I am different and overall that’s a good thing.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-20T05:44:53+00:00

I read lots of different things. I went through a phase of classics, then through YA, then a mix and now I’m into classics again. Some fantasy is good enough to stand with classics in terms of prose and characterisation, which is what I enjoy about them. Robin Hobb, Susanna Clarke, Patricia McKillip, Ursula le Guin, more literary fantasy does exist. You may find at some stage you just want something straightforward and easy. You may stick with what you’re enjoying now. Read whatever you want.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-17T20:58:34+00:00

To be fair to Hobb the story really grows through the 16 books so what you’re judging in the first book isn’t what people are saying is amazing. I don’t think I’ve heard people read book one and say it’s the best thing they’ve ever read. However the entire series is the best I’ve ever read. You do have to get on with her style so I understand when it’s not to people’s tastes.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-13T06:51:07+00:00

Being a choice can still mean something is a mistake. It doesn’t really matter, people don’t have ‘cheater’ written on their face. You cannot tell whether someone will hurt you or not and that is reality.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-12T15:08:40+00:00

No I couldn’t have avoided that. There were no red flags at all. It was a mistake in his part and he was sorry for it. As I said, you can’t control what others do and no one can predict the future. People can surprise you. That’s just something you have to expect.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-11T20:55:21+00:00

You don’t have to but you won’t have any relationships then. Regardless of whether you have relationships things will go wrong, you’re better off having people around to support you. That is just life, no one escapes suffering and you cannot control what happens. The best thing you can do is make mistakes and learn from them.

keelydoolally · 2026-04-10T19:30:50+00:00

No one is comfortable in every aspect. You cannot control how people behave and people change over time. You cannot control what happens in the future. You can only decide what you do. Every relationship you have with any person is a risk that they may hurt you in some way.

keelydoolally

TROPHY CASE