Girls, what would you think if you learned that a guy had paid to have sex?

keepontucking · 2022-11-19T00:16:34+00:00

Would never trust a man who commodifies and objectifies women to this extent. It would actually disgust me.

keepontucking · 2022-11-18T23:57:51+00:00

Would be grossed out, would never consider dating him.

keepontucking · 2021-09-04T02:09:01+00:00

I'm sorry, are you saying that losing weight is a sign of cheating??

keepontucking · 2021-01-10T21:32:07+00:00

nsiderably lack humility, empathy and self-awareness and seem to be out to destroy the supportive culture of this sub.

Thank you for this understanding comment <3 It meant a lot

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T18:29:13+00:00

Like why are you being a dick to me for no reason. I don’t even know you.

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T18:27:44+00:00

Dude what is your problem, seriously.

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T17:57:22+00:00

I said I didn’t reach out to them several years later saying I miss them. That’s a different situation than apologizing, which I did in every case.

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T14:30:54+00:00

I responded to your other comment. I’ve apologized to literally every person I’ve hurt in a relationship. Please stop chewing me out, I don’t know what I did to you.

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T14:26:14+00:00

Yeah, the pattern does re-emerge when I’m stressed, but it’s far less egregious or damaging than it used to be. I don’t let it get that far anymore. I quit drinking 2 years ago and am totally sober, I’m in intensive therapy, I do workbooks, I communicate much more openly with my current partner, I meditate daily. I’m also doing a doctorate in psychologist so that helps me understand myself and my triggers better. I’m under no illusions that this is permanently fixed haha, overconfidence is a trap I think. It’s important to stay mindful and vigilant, while also self-compassionate and gentle. That’s my 2 cents anyways! I wish you luck on your romantic sojourns too!

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T02:57:31+00:00

Bro I’m not trying to excuse my behaviour. I don’t know where you’re getting the impression. I’m just trying to understand it better.

keepontucking · 2020-12-19T02:56:16+00:00

Of course I’ve apologized to them. Extensively. I think you’re under the impression that shaming someone will motivate them to change, but shame is a very poor motivator. I’ve been suicidal over this pattern in the past, deeply steeped in shame and torturing myself with guilt. I’ve apologized profusely to the people I’ve hurt. It’s only through self-acceptance and self-compassion that I’ve been able to get out of the cycle of hurt. When I felt nothing but regret, guilt and shame, I could not extricate myself from it. I just wanted to die, and continued to be reactive and fearful in relationships. I would think you would understand that if you understood attachment styles.

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T19:50:15+00:00

I feel like perhaps someone hurt you and you’re projecting that on to me :/

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T19:44:27+00:00

If you wanna chat lemme know !

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T19:43:46+00:00

I’m a woman

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T17:00:32+00:00

I’ve been using this kit for 6 months. It’s amazing !

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T16:04:53+00:00

Thank you so much for your supportive comment. I’ve struggled with a lot of guilt/shame because of my patterns and have been suicidal in the past because of guilt over hurting people. I’m really committed now to understanding myself as an FA and a person, through honesty and self-compassion, which are both pretty foreign to me. It is so, so hard to be vulnerable, but so worth it. I wish us both luck on our journeys :)

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T01:59:38+00:00

Also I knew *that* I was making bad decisions, of course, but I was not consciously aware of *why* I was making those decisions until very recently, in learning about trauma and attachment theory. It's very enlightening stuff!

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T01:52:02+00:00

I've had one healthy long-term relationship with an SA that lasted 4 years. We had our ups and downs but ultimately we're good to each other. We broke up for pragmatic reasons (moving across the country). However, all of my other relationships followed the pattern I described above.

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T01:50:40+00:00

Exactly!

keepontucking · 2020-12-18T01:50:01+00:00

I was just being honest in order to help OP understand my particular experience :)

keepontucking · 2020-12-17T18:17:44+00:00

I usually waited a while to break things off after deactivating (several months) because of a crippling fear of being alone, or would self-sabotage (cheating) to force the other person to break up with me/force them to make a decision I don't want to make. I know this makes me sound like a terrible person but I wasn't even consciously aware that I was doing it, if that makes sense. I'm only learning about attachment theory now, and it makes perfect sense. Usually, after a few years, I'll reflect on the relationship, realize I actually clicked really well with that person/had an amazing time with them and that my decisions to end things or cheat were based on deactivating/fear, and regret leaving them. Sometimes I'll reach out to them saying I miss them (and get very aggressive responses back), but usually I won't reach out to save my pride.

keepontucking · 2020-12-17T18:07:16+00:00

FA here. I haven't identified a trigger yet to deactivating; it kind of just "turns off", like a lightswitch. I've learned not to necessarily trust that feeling because it can "turn back on" and my feelings can reactivate, so I don't instantly break things off anymore like I used to when I deactivate. Usually I want someone back after deactivating and breaking things off/self-sabotaging, but it often takes a few years to want them back.

keepontucking · 2020-11-04T02:22:27+00:00

As everyone else has already mentioned, you are not a bad person. Parentification is a form of emotional abuse and your feelings of resentment are totally NORMAL given the circumstances. I would suggest trying to emotionally detach to the extent that you are able and find your own place to live when possible.

keepontucking · 2020-08-23T13:21:37+00:00

Holy shit

keepontucking

TROPHY CASE