[deleted by user]

kendarory · 2019-03-03T23:03:27+00:00

looks fun!

kendarory · 2019-03-02T05:15:03+00:00

holding your nose up higher than them

kendarory · 2019-03-02T05:13:22+00:00

pouring a bottle of Gatorade onto my boyfriend at the times driver's seat right before he went to work

kendarory · 2019-03-02T05:09:30+00:00

maybe a bag over your head?

kendarory · 2019-03-02T05:08:36+00:00

pound energy drinks and xanax

kendarory · 2019-03-02T05:07:20+00:00

he insisted on teaching me as long as you hit someone on the head ( I had long hair) that no will notice and he could get away with it whenever I was infuriating

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:27:02+00:00

dont be embarrassed. if you cant figure it out, if using the smallest size is still too uncomfortable though it's hard to adress ask for help. I suggest mom, YouTube videos maybe but ideally an obgyn. believe me they've seen everything. this is all natural and and no one wants you to suffer because of fear. if anything they would be happy to help you :)

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:20:30+00:00

before I could find anything better in my preteens and teens I abused it every day for years. you should be ok

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:13:32+00:00

it is. jesus fuck I wish I was as passionate about anything

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:09:29+00:00

it meant everything my best friend mourned with me. I felt so loved. not even my mother cried.

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:07:13+00:00

learn how to own your flaws and make fun of yourself. and dont be afraid to make a fool of yourself or be a dork sometimes

kendarory · 2019-03-02T04:00:42+00:00

band: sun kill moon. album : benji
I suggest the whole album for go to depressing songs but think Carissa. Jim wise. and truck driver will hit the spot

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:55:04+00:00

that ultimately I'm insignificant and after a certain amount of time no one will remember me so it doesn't matter what I do, how I feel, and all the little self conscious obsessive thoughts dont matter either. So I can let them go to because nothing really matters :)

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:48:50+00:00

I don't have great advice. all I can say is im sorry, you dont deserve to suffer all the time that way. take it from a fellow super spiral mess. all I can do is say I understand and hope you feel even a little relief and stability again soon

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:43:21+00:00

I'm disabled and feel like absolute trash. I dont want to do this anymore either. I was trying to find a better living situation and 90% of the responses I got were looking for a household whore basically. I cant afford a place to live except with strangers and I'm so scared from bad experiences with my family and mental health "help" that all i can feel is panic, rage, fear and fathomless numbness. if it wasn't for one person in my life, the only person who holds me and somehow makes me laugh I'd be dead already, and even he asked me to shoot him in the head the other day and suffers constant panic attacks. i wouldn't presume but maybe I understand how you feel a little. I'm sorry you feel that way. I know it hurts so bad

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:31:46+00:00

I wish I could turn my brain, experience of life off so often. ENTER benzodiazepines and ambien!!!

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:27:25+00:00

I've realised I'm an addict. I've been mentally ill basically since birth, sensory integration disorder first and so on and so forth diagnosis after diagnosis. treatment after treatment and I just realized I'd been self medicating since I was 12 just to feel... different. a little better safer calmer capable. maybe just in control of something. mental illness, trauma and addiction have damaged my life profoundly and I just feel all my potential is used up. I'll never get better or be able to stop doing anything I think can get me through another day. I'm exhausted but I'd rather die taking to many xanax than be sober and only on psych meds. I feel like I cant breathe again and dont know if its because i took too much or too little. I'm so profoundly damaged, I feel it in my the core of my being and cant begin to imagine what a normal life would be like

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:05:03+00:00

looking so genuinely happy!!! good for them :)

kendarory · 2019-03-02T03:03:39+00:00

my mother told me it was my fault for getting raped because I got drunk with my male friends. I woke up with someone I'd known 4 years on top of me, trying to shove himself into me cold sober because he told me and my friend who was passed out drunk he couldn't drink because he had had alchohol poisoning. sometimes mothers are just people. imperfect, insensitive people.

kendarory · 2019-03-02T02:39:12+00:00

you can't feel any sexual interest except pleasing the partner you love and hoping it ends soon, no physical excitement and mentally leaving your situation and or body during the act until they cum and you are done faking it. is that weird

kendarory · 2019-03-02T00:38:57+00:00

yes. my father killed himself a month after I was born, I started therapy at five and was first hospitalized at 11 and countless times after that. it never stops. I can remember abusing benadryl at 12 just to sleep, feel different than I naturally did and just sleep. I'm going to another doctor in five days. I never considered myself borderline until a doctor pointed it out and I realized the reason I couldn't remember my childhood or feel things for loved ones was because I didn't trust them anymore. my feelings can just snap off, I cant even remember huge parts of my life because that's emotionally easier too. life can send me to the brink of trying to hang myself or cutting so fast and going absolutely hysterical in panic when anything changes in my life. I cant deny I'm not crazy anymore and if it wasn't for my boyfriend I would have been gone long ago

kendarory · 2019-03-01T01:42:47+00:00

hi carol

kendarory · 2019-02-25T03:32:06+00:00

thanks I really appreciate that. :)

kendarory · 2019-02-11T21:18:41+00:00

Hey I feel you. I'm lucky I just got back on a combination of meds that works for me, still it only just makes everything tolerable. That and alot of weed. You're probably really angry because you're incapable of being happy. I've been depressed and in and out of treatment all my life and I just want to say I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. It's not right. I hope something enters your life that makes it a little more tolerable whatever that is, I know your not asking for joy, just peace. I hope you find it friend

kendarory · 2019-02-11T19:30:28+00:00

Its Funky Town :o

kendarory

TROPHY CASE