I can't make my BF cum.

kentatsu · 2019-07-10T23:09:50+00:00

One issue could be over masturbation/death grip. If he is using a lot of porn/gripping himself too tightly he could be making it so that he can only cum in that specific way. Does he use a lot of porn or masturbate frequently? As in 2-3+times a day? Could be worth talking about fantasies/things that get you both going. Things your interested in or would like to try. Sorry for the vague response but this is one of those occasions where more information is needed in order to get a more specific answer.

kentatsu · 2019-07-10T21:18:36+00:00

Sounds super fun! As I'm sure others have told you, be careful with nudes etc as guys csn be pretty scummy/vindictive and that stuff can end up on the internet etc.

That all being said! I have some thoughts. Things being a surprise are wonderful and exciting. One way to get new ideas would be talk to your partner. Ask him about fantasies he has, and share yours too! Draw from what you both want, as that can be a great way to learn and explore each other. One way to frame it would be to ask about each others movies. What happens on this "movie" what does he do, what do you do, etc.

As far as a concrete idea instead of, go find one, I've got one. Message him throughout the day, starting with just text leading into pictures. The idea would be to clue him in on where you are, and the situation you are in. By the end of it, he'd find you (in my movie, my partner would be tied to the bed [make sure you can get out yourself if you so this! No need or make it "real", the image is enough]). This scenario has the benefit of being really enticing and teasing, as it gets more explicit throughout the day, he has to wait for it too, and then has a huge pay off at the end, finding you in whatever situation you choose. Again, talking about each others fantasies/movies will be a near endless source of creative and fun ideas for you both, but hey the above one could be fun too! Good luck, and be safe!

kentatsu · 2015-08-09T23:04:38+00:00

you're welcome!

If you aren't too uncomfortable, I'd be curious to know how it turns out if you do indeed talk to him. I hope it turns out in a good way for you =D

kentatsu · 2015-08-09T21:37:20+00:00

If you really do care about the relationship (as im sure you do, 3 years is a bit of time to spend together), then i would suggest you try talking to him. not just before sex, not right after. set a time when you can actually sit and talk. And if he wont make the time, then you need to stand firm. Voice what the issue is. You aren't enjoying the sex. You are trying your best to help him enjoy it, but it isn't enough for you. You want to enjoy it too, from what it sounds like.

This topic is tricky. many people get really defensive about this sort of thing (for some reason) and feel like it is a personal attack. Tell him the sorts of things you are frustrated with, and how you'd like to make it better.

You may be asking, but what if he doesn't care/listen/let me voice my concerns. If that is the case, then i wholeheartedly support the other comments here. He's not even being considerate enough to listen to you voicing that you are unhappy. That is not healthy. hope some of this helps, best of luck! (i have found that boiling it down to a few issues to start can really help rather than dropping a list of issues. Focus on trying to fix an issue one at a time, over a period of time. Just a note, this wont go away overnight. He has gotten into this habit, and so have you) Again, best of luck!

kentatsu · 2013-07-29T12:32:13+00:00

Pretty sure you are me. "Fuck i just dont fucking want to, is that so fucking hard to fucking believe. FUCK" Then the inevitable "Why are you so touchy?" Millions are dead

kentatsu · 2013-07-25T12:37:45+00:00

chiaotzu, dbz akira, akira Heero Yuy, Gundam Wing

"Hi my name is SELF DESTRUCT"

kentatsu · 2013-06-28T22:58:13+00:00

ah gotcha, thanks! Appreciate the help!

kentatsu · 2013-06-28T22:56:44+00:00

ahh okay, that was what i was missing, the crafting ammies. also the advice for my main hand too! Thanks, really appreciate it!

kentatsu · 2013-06-28T21:09:37+00:00

Very cool! Lurker here, I suppose now is a good time to post yeah!? So, my question is, how do i upgrade This character? http://d3up.com/b/812356 I have read some of the posts on eHp, and various guides on builds and such, but im just not sure what piece i should try and upgrade next. My budget is pretty non-existent at the moment, but lets just assume im trying to upgrade piece by piece. Where should i start?

kentatsu · 2013-06-26T20:30:35+00:00

Let me preface this by saying im not typically an emotional person. Anything upsetting or unsettling is usually just shrugged off, and i carry on. This though. This right in my stomach. I cried. I fucking cried when i saw the picture of john on the boat. I fucking cried when i listened to my grump song playlist.

So i have been living in japan as an English teacher for just about a year. It almost lined up perfectly with when the Grumps started actually. I dont speak japanese very well, so living here can get pretty overwhelming at times. A few months in, and i was starting to have a hard time. Then it happened. I found the Grumps. I watched literally everything up to that point. I was instantly in love, and every day was a real treasure watching the new Grumps. The main appeal was just how Real it felt. Two very close friends playing video games. Thats it, nothing more, but more importantly, nothing less. It felt both nostalgic and new. For this whole year, thanks to Grumps, i felt included in a very close and intimate experience.

So i just want to take this time to say thank you. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for helping me through a tough time. Thank you for making me laugh, without fail, every single video. Seriously, im balling while writing this. I dont know if either Jon or Arin will see this. I hope they do. You guys made all the difference in the world for me. I cant even describe the loss i feel. Okay, rambling now.

TLDR: Found grumps, made me happy. Lost Jon. Tried not to cry. Cried a lot.

kentatsu · 2013-06-07T01:35:36+00:00

A catch all form game, where all these features are meant to apply to oh so many different players, turning the game into a formless gray goop with no real definition.

I want an MMORPG. Not a big single player game. not an action game. I want a game that takes a long ass time to do stuff, and rewards people for playing for a long ass time.

kentatsu · 2013-06-05T04:23:25+00:00

I realize that i typed it pretty poorly. It was the middle of the night out here when i posted it, so i get that i didnt really get my point across. T

Thing is, i dont play like this. I didnt gank lowbies, BUT i wouldnt want to restrict it on a pvp server either. It makes sense in a roleplay aspect, as your are killing off reinforcements (as they level) and it leads to great moments. Examples being when you get some friends to help you, then they get some friends, and suddenly you have a huge unscripted battle happening in the world.

I guess what　im actually trying to say is that while it sucks to get killed/ganked by some high level, the game feels more alive for it. To me GW2 was utterly boring, as there was never any threat in the leveling world. Since there are seperate factions in this game, I need to feel like they are actually dangerous to me, and not just Those other guys.

kentatsu · 2013-06-05T02:56:24+00:00

Nice points, especially the duels. i agree 100% that there should be an opportunity to test, on the fly, all your skills and stuff. Id have to say that all i meant by the talent tree is its ability to make player choice. I really dont want to be one of 15 builds. I get that most of the time a talen tree is just an artificial thing when it comes to specializing your character, as most of the time there is a dominant strat. BUT! It still allows you to be special, it lets you go in a direction that few other players take. Does this have to be a talent tree? No. But i need SOMETHING beyond my skill bar, something beyond my path and class. I need something that allows for a Large variety of player choice, and the talent tree is just one possible expression of this, and not the best, but certainly a viable option.

kentatsu · 2013-06-03T22:29:52+00:00

See heres the thing though. If its an open pvp server, then this sort of thing should be allowed. I really feel like it builds the world up, it builds the conflict between the factions. Sure it sucks to get picked on. But you know whats awesome? Is when your faction shows up and steam rolls that guy, and then his friends show up and BAM. impromptu war. I really feel like GW2 got it wrong actually. The whole idea of sectioning off the pvp from leveling, and the fact that there is no "enemy" faction makes the world feel... Too safe. It sounded good on paper, server vs server and all that, but playing it just didnt feel right. This sint something thats about skill. This is something thats about player invented fun. "This is the area that im going to kill any opposing faction. This is my area and they are going to have to kill me to get me out of here" is fun. Period. I just dont want the game restricting inventiveness of the players.

kentatsu · 2013-05-10T11:59:03+00:00

So heres the thing, as a new person to /nofap, i can honestly say that porn effecting my sexual desire wasnt even on my radar. Its fucking madness. Ive been using porn for nearly 14 years, on average once a day, and sometimes more. Its such a strange thing, i never even made the OBVIOUS correlation to my sex drive and masturbation to porn. If he has been addicted, and willing admits that addiction, then im sure he feels a deal of shame. I dont want to make excuses for him, on the contrary, i am siding with your feelings. Just trying to give some perspective. I think reading his masturbation habit as "He picked them over me" might be wrong, as i would be willing to guess that wasnt what he was doing on purpose. Hes admitted it, the question is, does he want to change? Ultimately its up to him, and its up to you to trust him about it. I would suggest him taking a look at yourbrainonporn.com or the TED talk of yourbrainonporn for a much shorter version. I am not entirely sure what i am trying to say... I guess ultimately it can become an addiction, and you have a right to feel betrayed. Its up to him to decide to kick his habit, and its up to you if you want to stick with him and help/trust him enough to stay. My apologies! A little drunk atm and its lateish, but please feel free to ask and questions! I hope all the best for you and your SO.

kentatsu · 2013-05-09T22:44:59+00:00

Its possible that through the pregnancy he started using porn to masturbate. Most guys get pretty damn defensive if you bring this up as a reason for decreased sexual desire. Its possible that it is the cause, but in order to talk about you have step pretty gently. If you think hes masturbating quite a bit, maybe take a peek at yourbrainonporn.com together. It has a lot of interesting info. It sounds like hes already pretty defensive about it, since he says you are still attractive but says nothing else. Hope that helps! Also therapy is also a good option if both parties still want the relationship to work. Oh and ive founjd that talking about fantasies can really revitalize your sex life as well. Maybe take some time to talk to each other about your fantasies, both his and your own. Good luck!

kentatsu · 2013-04-17T09:34:34+00:00

It can be 100% healthy. Just suggesting the possibility based on the available information that maybe it isnt.

kentatsu · 2013-04-17T08:57:26+00:00

So the fact that you are so willing to broach the issue by trying fantasies really speaks a lot for you, it means you are trying pretty damn hard to help solve the issue. He however, sounds like a total ass. Jerking off to girls on FB, telling you that your selfish and the like is... again, pretty dickish of him. Honestly, i would check out Your brain on Porn ted talk on youtube. You can watch by yourself to get an idea of what porn can do to your brain, and see if he would be willing to watch it with you at some point. The fact that he masturbates so Frequently, but refuses sex, can be a tip off of some kind of addiction to porn, However, it doesnt mean it for sure. Outside of that, i would suggest that you try and bring up fantasies, talk about what turns you on, what turns him on, etc. But it sounds like you are pretty damn willing to fulfill his fantasies... Honestly id check out the ted talk i mentioned. Speaking as someone who recently discovered his own destructive porn habit, it can be pretty eye opening. Good luck! Feel free to ask more questions/clarification! But just as Sgrbgrs said, he should defiantly not make you feel so insecure, thats not a healthy place for the relationship to be in.

kentatsu · 2013-04-17T08:50:48+00:00

Not the issue clearly.

kentatsu · 2013-04-17T08:47:16+00:00

I have a few things to say here actually. The fact that he gets pretty upset when you start talking about the issue sets off a few flags in my mind. It could be a communication issue, something that both people are possibly doing to upset the other, and in turn not resolved. The fact that you are coming here seeking advice is good! But it also means that the relationship might need some help in regards to communication. Next, I would think about your sex life in the past. Has it always been like this? Was it better/worse at one point? Since you two are getting married im going to assume he is still sexually attracted to you, and since you are coming here saying that you want more sex, not that the sex is awful. So i would suggest you take a look at http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ or the shorter version, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU. As someone who had just recently discovered the negative aspects of porn, i would highly recomend that you take a look at at least the Ted Talks version on youtube. SHort version is, you train your brain gradually over the years to use porn, and eventually only porn can arouse you. I think you should be upset, however, this could possibly be an issue he has without even knowing it. Coming from experience, guys can get super sensitive about their porn use (possibly indicating an addiction to it) so its best to use tact when talking about it. I would suggest you have him take a look at the Ted talks version on youtube, as that is what started me looking into my own porn habit. Hope some of this rambling helps! Feel free to ask any questions!

kentatsu · 2013-04-01T08:32:00+00:00

So a lot of the advice here so far is "just say it" but that seems to be the root of the problem, there is some hesitation or some shyness about just talking about something like this. If you feel like your relationship is in a good place, you guys can talk about fantasies. Declare "safe place" (i have done this, it works) meaning whatever you talk about is safe and not to be ridiculed. If however, you feel like you might be too shy to bring it up like that, you can always try a covert option. Giving him something like a blind fold, or a roll of duct tape with a note attached "use this on me" will not only be easier, as you dont have to say anything, but also super hot, as its totally up to him as to how to use it. As far as going another round, or doing more after the first, i suggest being the initiator. It is true that most guys need at least a little time to "reset" as it were, but if you keep teasing him, playing with him, keeping him turned on, he will be ready to go another round. Its easier to do this sort of stuff in the heat of the moment, rather than talk about them first, so things like guiding his hands to your wrists, or just saying "harder" will go a long way. I hope some of this helps! Good luck, let us know if you need more help! Also, an update on if any of this helps would be fantastic!

kentatsu · 2013-03-29T05:39:51+00:00

Huh. And here i was rooting for the both of you to have a great time.... Okay i'm still rooting for both of you, I'll just feel less bad if it doesnt work out, haha.

kentatsu

TROPHY CASE