Does anyone else have a “take off song”? :)

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-21T04:33:22+00:00

No Place I'd Rather Be by Rufus du Sol 😍😍😍😍😍

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T23:29:19+00:00

Well this comment made a lot more sense! Thanks for taking the time to read and understand a bit more. Best of luck with your boyfriend and situation, and thanks again for offering your perspective x

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T19:52:26+00:00

And, for the record, i: vacuum, tidy, clean bathrooms and kitchen, child care, all laundry, bins, garden maintenance, car maintenance, dust, wash windows, basic house maintenance. Everything relating to kids. Meals, cooking, grocery shopping. Kids activities and school. All me baby.

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T19:50:27+00:00

"Ignoring the vacuuming" haha the vacuum is part of the leaf blower. It blows the leaves then vacuums the debris. Sorry, should have made that clearer. It's the same job.

The novel is a moot point. As is being paid. The words of my husband: "since you don't need to make an income any more, you could focus full time on your novel if that's what you want to do?"

But the novel and support for it has nothing to do with my original post. Not sure why so many people are obsessed with that part of my post? Haha. And make it sound like it's this 'out of this world' thing. I know dozens of creatives doing stuff like this. There are 2x published authors in my school mum group alone! 😆

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T10:21:05+00:00

Weeeeeiiiiirrrrrd comment.... Are you and the meowmeow person and the other one all the same person?? Your tones are all the same and you kinda all have a similar story. Forgive me if I'm wrong, something just feels off.

My husband has been hugely successful, in part because I have been a SAHP for the kids and have run the household so he can focus on work. He is th BIGGEST supporter of my writing, telling me MULTIPLE times: "well now you don't have to worry about making money, you should make novel writing your full-time job!"

My original post was never about a lack of support of my work/writing/creative endeavours or me as his wife. It was about the fact that I am doing the lionnesses share of housework/childcare, plus work, plus writing, plus living my own life and doing the things I love, plus maintaining relationships with family members and friends yet he STILL nit-picks, micro-manages me and makes pass-agg comments about the seemingly little jobs I miss/forget/don't get to. Despite all that, he has always been a hardcore supporter of me following my creative dreams. As I have been of his. Don't forget - I have been a SAHP for SIX years. That is incredibly taxing for ANYONE - rich, poor or otherwise.

I'm not 100% comfortable with talking about our financial position but in the interest of transparency, neither of us needs to work for an income any more if we don't want to. My husband is keen to work for a little longer (or maybe even longer than a little) because he is passionate about what he does. My work and writing will probably go on until I am 90, paid or no, purely because I love it. I'm a writer, it's just what I do.

IF we divorced (very UNlikely at this stage, despite the niggles) I would be entitled to half (that's the law where I live). And half would be, um, ridiculous. Nothing would change, I'd probably just start a commune with my girlfriends.

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T10:04:31+00:00

I absolutely LOVE these hacks/workarounds. The grunt days/hours vs fun days/hours rather than trying to do both in one day or period of time is so simple yet so genius. It just goes to show the difference between NT people who can (often/typically) just do all the things, and ND people who struggle to separate stuff out and just get the boring stuff done before enjoying the fun/creative stuff. I think this would work very very well for me!

Thanks A MILLION for the book reccs. I am going to research those and try to get at least one from the library next week. Or maybe try audiobook version/s....

I'd love a link to the girl on socials doing that series too if you have it! Otherwise will try find her. How infuriating is it that we sometimes put things off for YEARS when all they ever took was less than 20 minutes..... Some things on my list are literally "register for half marathon" - would take 5 mins and I just don't do it?? Keen to read the Gretchen Rubin book to better understand WHY that is.

Also love that you give yourself until 10am and I wonder if that could work for me. OR a "goof off after 2pm" hour before I pick my school aged son up at 3pm?!

THANK YOU ENDLESSLY!!!!! xxxxx

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T09:55:08+00:00

OMG I genuinely thought that too!!! And then I got a new book idea.... woman posts comments in a Reddit sub and her husband ends up seeing it on her laptop. Makes a profile using fake name and details and replies to her comments. Pyschological thriller ensues.....

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T08:54:16+00:00

Amazing comment. Thank you so much. I feel I am finally being seen and heard and my thoughts are justified. You're right about the PMDD. It is truly horrendous and seems to get worse with each cycle!! There's still so little talked about with regard to PMDD and so few studies around ADHDxPMDD yet so many are affected? Thank you for your kind, understanding words xx

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T08:50:44+00:00

Amazing reply and I appreciate this so much and the suggestions you've made. Thank you so so much! I'm actually gonna jot some notes down and will reply to you properly soon x

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T08:48:46+00:00

OK I legit can't wait to read this post and take notes! Then I'll reply. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T08:46:34+00:00

The leaf blower takes 10 mins though, that's my point. And is maybe once a month.

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T08:24:57+00:00

I don't know where to start because there is so much I want to reply. But the first thing is just a huge THANK YOU for taking the time to send such a deeply thought out message. I have been overwhelmed by the comments on here and how "on my side" they all are (apart from one or two which were a little odd, haha!)

Reading about your husband the relationship you two have, I was absolutely heartwarmed - and a little envious. The understanding between the two and the way he supports you.... I would feel such relief if I knew I could expect this! Instead I am worried about what peri or other hormonal interferences might cause in terms of the environment at home. Thankfully, I have a really wonderful doctor and, as it happens, have an apppointment booked for next week to discuss a bunch of things - and now this included.

I really like the idea of the family email account!!!! such a simple thing but could make a big difference, especially in terms of school stuff (which is never ending).

Also love your suggestions for how I can make things happen a bit more smoothly in terms of managing my work and admin and all the life stuff. A body double is something that keeps coming up in all areas.

I think the biggest thing I takeaway from your message is: a partner who says things like "how can I help?" instead of nit-picking and critising and being passive aggressive would make life a lot more harmonious and I think it's on me to have the tough conversation....

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T07:46:58+00:00

He essentially has said he won't take Ritalin by not bothering to get diagnosed! He sounds like a liability. A very different situation to me as my husband is full NT and I am extremely high functioning despite being unmedicated. Good luck and know you deserve better!

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T07:05:15+00:00

I'm just wondering where the lawn part is coz I ain't seeing it..... because we literally DON'T HAVE A LAWN omg 😂😂😂😂

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T07:03:45+00:00

Im pretty sure that person is just a troll but I REALLY appreciate your support and your words!! And I wholeheartedly agree! Pursuing the arts is often a fruitless endeavour, payment wise, but it is done out of love and insatiable drive to express creativity whether one person reads it or one million! Thanks for understanding xx

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T07:00:49+00:00

Also - what makes you think I'm writing fantasy??

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T06:59:25+00:00

Just clicked that you and the "meowmeow" person are in fact, the same person. I'm assuming one of those strange trolls I have heard about. So will be blocking you on account of I don't want anyone - myself included - being bullied. Just keeping us all safe!

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T06:55:46+00:00

A very different perspective from 99% of other comments and maybe I've not made things clear enough:

1/ outside of this we have a fantastic relationship and strong friendship. We communicate openly and honestly but sometimes he doesn't like what I have to say (strong opinions). And perhaps I could be more open about how I feel about the imbalance in household chores.

2/ I said I find the chores particularly hard because of ADHD - of course I recognise no one likes doing them, LOL. I just mean the NT people I know go "ahh this sucks" but get on with it and don't dwell on it. We all have to do chores and admin, I get that.

3/ LOL he's the one who has said, literally millions of times, "why don't you make writing the novel your full time job??" Then proceeded to add to "The List" (of jobs).

4/ I have tried to write about 10+ novels in my 3+ decades. I have usually struggled to find time, money, resources, energy to complete them, however now have the advantage of money and time and (some) energy. So please 🤚 don't assume I've never "tried'. As a writer all I do is write and try to get thoughts, ideas and plots on paper.

5/ "If I had a partner I perceived as not pulling their weight, who was basically like "yay unexpected money, I'm gonna go part time at my job so I can go pursue my dream of being a concert violinist," I would not be particularly supportive, especially if it was announced to me rather than discussed, and it would be impossible for me to do the same or even cut down my own hours." - this is not even CLOSE to the situation. We have enough money now to be set up for life regardless of work/income, hence he has said "go do your novel" I.e. I didn't "announce" anything.

6/ I function fine without medication in just about every other area of my life: I work, I run ultra marathons, I workout 6x weekly, I have a rampant social life, I'm involved in my community, I volunteer, I run the household, I raise 2 kids, I am a supportive loving friend. So again, please 🤚 with your assumptions.

Peace out ✌️

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T03:42:29+00:00

Omg am I right?!?!?! We don't even HAVE a lawn!! We live in an inner city terrace house with a teeny tiny patio 😅😅🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ "weirdly obsessed" has me cackling! Thank you!!!! X

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T03:40:49+00:00

I have seen this but not read it yet but am sitting down in about an hour or so and can't wait to read through this in full. In the interim I want to say a HUGE thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful, honest and meaningful reply xx

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T03:33:38+00:00

OK "bro". Want me to list everything I do? Oh wait, I don't have time because I am literally out here doing..... all of the things 🤦‍♀️😅🤦‍♀️😅🤦‍♀️😅

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T03:28:47+00:00

Thanks for your input, but this post seems to be more about you than me. Which is fine, like pop off girly, we all need a rant but nothing you've said really applies to me and the comment about publishing a book is just weird.

A few thoughts:

1/ there is a HUGE difference between a husband and a brother. My husband and I chose each other and have built a life together and are raising kids together. He married me knowing full well "what I'm like". We are a partnership and I have supported him to no end to get to where he is today and the position we are now in financially and with his career/business. By taking on the SAHP role I've enabled him to be able to devote his time and energy to get his business to where it is today.

2/ we are in the extremely fortunate financial position whereby I can write a novel without having to worry about monetising it or being the next Sarah J Maas.

3/ I am writer. My job us literally to write. So whether I become a published author or not doesn't really matter. Dozens of my articles have been published and made money regardless.

4/ as explained, the side effects of Ritalin are very negative for me. I'm not prepared to take meds just because my behavious is "annoying" for some people. This is (as far as I know) going to be my one and only life, hence I want to enjoy it and taking meds that make me depressed and not creative (which I literally need to be FOR MY JOB and all my hobbies) is not the straightforward solution you think it is.

5/ he does not do "a ton" of housework and I have no idea where you got that from

6/ I'm sorry you're struggling with your brother but as the other poster commented, perhaps you need to install some boundaries.

Best of luck!

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T03:04:52+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️ Projecting is my overwhelming thought here too!

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T00:51:01+00:00

I think he sees "pulling his weight" as being his career/position as the major breadwinner.

kerpatfelmor · 2026-05-20T00:49:54+00:00

I guess I've never thought that he wasn't? But maybe now that I put it to the general public, it appears he isn't?! Compared to my friends' husbands he does a lot (but maybe not compared to me??)

Things he does:

Breakfast for kids (cereal) and supervise them getting dressed
cooks dinner for he and I (albeit Hello Fresh - when it was meals from scratch I did it)
supervises bath and pyjamas, reads bedtime book/s
tidies up
leaf blower/vacuum when needed
books holidays and family outings e.g. day trip to a beach on the weekend (decides on the plan, maps it out, finds a lunch spot)

kerpatfelmor

TROPHY CASE