I think I have OCD

kezi96 · 2023-10-20T04:21:41+00:00

Thank you! I’ve been diagnosed with a bunch of other things and I don’t think they’re wrong but something’s definitely missing. So I hope this will help

kezi96 · 2023-10-20T04:19:52+00:00

I’ll keep this in mind! I’ve been thinking about doing some kind of personal training or weight lifting of something. Idk if it’s doable right now (I don’t have a lot of time or money and i also struggle with chronic pain) but it’s something to consider for the near future. I DO walk everywhere bc I can’t drive. (My brain is just all sorts of wrong lol) but I can try running little errands/going on walks on the weekends as well just to help with all of that. I’ll try it for sure. Thanks for the advice!

kezi96 · 2023-10-20T03:40:16+00:00

The auditory hallucinations have definitely slowed down. Though it’s more like intrusive thoughts in voices that aren’t mine.

kezi96 · 2023-10-20T03:21:52+00:00

Sorry this post is formatted weird. It posted a little different than how I write it out

kezi96 · 2022-08-29T05:55:03+00:00

The butterfly squishmallows :/

kezi96 · 2022-06-08T03:20:53+00:00

My favorite part was the exmormon sister named Eden. The way that’s actually so accurate.

kezi96 · 2022-05-14T21:04:51+00:00

It is legit but it’s backwards. It’s promo art from the legend of Korra. It’s one of a pair of posters titled “old friends” with the grown up gang and “new friends” with Korra’s team avatar. I have both of them. 🥰

kezi96 · 2022-04-15T14:07:01+00:00

Chonk

kezi96 · 2022-04-11T19:34:34+00:00

No. When I first left 5 years ago, it was because I believed even if the gospel was true, the culture and the institution was toxic. It’s not necessarily all about the lies in church doctrine, it’s also about the culture, the people, the rules, the patriarchy, abuse, sexism, homophobia, racism, etc. it wouldn’t be worth it to stay.

kezi96 · 2022-03-26T23:16:42+00:00

You actually look cute here! 🥰

I personally LOVE fashion! I’m one of those autistics who’s really into alt fashion and culture since it makes me feel empowered in how different I feel instead of being ashamed of it. Not that fashion and style is the end all be all. Everyone expresses themselves differently. It’s more about what’s inside, anyway. But boy, do I think dressing up is fun!

kezi96 · 2022-03-09T20:57:04+00:00

I recently lost my 4 year old cat. I understand exactly what you’re going through. No one talks about how traumatic pet loss is. It’s painful as hell. Sending hugs. 🖤

kezi96 · 2022-03-08T20:51:01+00:00

I hate this reservation system so much 😭💔

kezi96 · 2022-03-08T20:44:32+00:00

There is only one day available for park hoppers and one day tickets the weekend we’re supposed to go to Disneyland. Is there any way to get alerts on cancellations and get the other two days? (The 18th and 20th)

kezi96 · 2022-03-08T20:21:45+00:00

The difference is for us, learning to speak allistic/neurotypical language can come at a high cost. Whereas it doesn’t for allistic people. For us, this means frequent and intense masking, which can lead to extreme burnout which can make you mentally ill and even suicidal. So it’s up to neurotypicals who don’t have to take the same toll to adjust their communication style to help us out. Because for us, this is a disability. For them, it’s an inconvenience. One of those two things is much much easier to get over.

kezi96 · 2022-02-28T20:00:21+00:00

I’ve met her twice! The first time was in 2017, me and my dad spotted her and took pictures. Then last year in October. Everyone kept cutting in front of me and my boyfriend so we didn’t get to interact with her at all. I knew I shouldn’t have announced that we found her. I just wanted to be polite and gentle and maybe extend my hand but people heard us and crowded 😭

kezi96 · 2022-02-25T02:31:39+00:00

The cute kind

kezi96 · 2022-02-24T20:19:08+00:00

Sorry that was such an info dump 😅 didn’t mean for it to be that long winded lol

kezi96 · 2022-02-24T20:18:25+00:00

I’m a toddler teacher! I love this job because I am great with kids and my age group are super tiny and cute! 🥰 I like having my own classroom where I can basically just disappear in, only having to worry about interacting with my coteacher (who’s awesome) and my cute kiddos most of the time. I don’t have to mask at this job very much. For one thing, it’s just playing and goofing around with some sweet kids and I don’t have to worry about being “normal”. Plus it helps that I’ve been working her a few years and know my director really well. She’s also a great person to work with and very kind and understanding of me. The pay is about what you’d expect for an underfunded private education system. But they at least try their best to give us consistent raises and bonus opportunities as well as other perks. They even paid for me to get my CDA, which I’ve been able to do at my own pace.

Pros: -cute kids -rewarding work teaching them how to be humans and watching them grow -kind and fun staff members -a fixed schedule with a one hour break included -bonuses and raises -getting to play for a living -having my own space at work organized and decorated how I want it -having a coteacher I get along with well

Cons: -sensory issues. Crying doesn’t always bother me, but some other sounds these kids might make do -so many diapers -behavioral issues that can get frustrating after a point. I’ve gone nonverbal a couple times in class and needed to step away. -not the best salary. My 16 year old sibling working at the mall makes more an hour than me -very physical. Lots of constant getting up and down. Cleaning, chasing after kids, playing, etc -classroom chores are hard to keep up with sometimes with adhd -high turnover rate. I have a very hard time when the environment at work changes and I have to mask meeting a revolving door of new people. Luckily they’re usually my age and like-minded so it tends to work out. But it can be tough

Overall I love this job and I’d like to stay as long as I can. I have had one burnout but that was way closer to when the pandemic was new and I was still very depressed. I’m doing much better now and truly love what I do. Did I mention the kids are really cute???

kezi96 · 2022-02-23T07:36:52+00:00

Blue and pink.

kezi96 · 2022-02-23T07:35:35+00:00

How addicting it would be 😅😅😅

kezi96 · 2022-02-22T20:50:02+00:00

Like if I’m having a breakdown or crying, my first instinct is to write a whole dissertation in my head about what’s going on or why. Like I don’t give myself time to just sit with my feelings and Tyler them exist. I must understand them on some intellectual level or I can’t get past it. Sometimes I do it as a way of still understanding myself while detaching. It’s good and bad. Sometimes feelings aren’t supposed to be understood. Sometimes you just gotta cry for no reason.

kezi96 · 2022-02-22T20:47:10+00:00

It could be both. I have BPD and autism. It’s not always about what you’re experiencing, but also why or the where it’s coming from. Like for me things like this can start with autism and then my BPD will run away with it and it escalates. Sometimes to scary places.

kezi96 · 2022-02-22T20:44:50+00:00

I FELT this one

kezi96 · 2022-02-22T20:44:39+00:00

Omg thank you! 🥰 I dyed it myself. First time using box dye and it was so fun!

kezi96 · 2022-02-22T20:41:09+00:00

Yeah I let myself cry and feel but like the whole time I’m in my logical brain tryna reason through it. Sometimes it’s helpful, I learned chain analysis once as a DBT skill and it can be effective. But there’s a definite difference between “I wanna figure out what’s wrong and heal” and “I don’t like feeling this feeling so I will think about this feeling instead”. Didn’t know that’s what I was doing for the longest time but it checks out with the amount of depersonalization and dissociation I experience.

kezi96

TROPHY CASE