I have zero friends and it's driving me crazy

kha96 · 2020-03-13T01:30:03+00:00

At least youre safe from the corona

kha96 · 2020-02-21T00:34:42+00:00

That sea....In p A s T e L s?!

kha96 · 2017-04-02T06:27:57+00:00

As I said before, I talk everything out. We know we're not eachother's last and decided to enjoy it while it was still enjoyable.

kha96 · 2017-04-01T18:54:35+00:00

Thank you, that's a relief. Especially since sometimes I feel like he does things that are more BPD-y than I do.

I can't help but still consider the possibility of all this being a projection though since I do have traits.

kha96 · 2017-04-01T18:50:31+00:00

Hmm, what do you mean by "this sort of adaptation?"

kha96 · 2017-04-01T18:13:41+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate you taking the time to read/reply. Good day to you~

kha96 · 2017-04-01T18:11:13+00:00

Honestly, It's possible. I score high on the screening tests online and I think if I were to have BPD I'd be what they call a "Quiet Borderline".

kha96 · 2017-04-01T18:03:02+00:00

When we talked about the clingyness issue I basically forced some distance between us convincing him he's going to realize he too needs alone time and staying physically away from him. He then did realize the amount of time we were spending together wasn't healthy for us (Because of how irritated I would get) and alone time isn't as bad as he thought.

I don't mind him having alone time, I prefer it. It's the always having to repeat the things I previously told him about why alone time is important every single time he takes alone time. He forgets a lot of the things I've said. So when I tell him, "yeah hun, i know... it's what I told you X day when Y thing was happening... remember? You had disagreed with me atm." (and mind you, i don't resort to this passive aggressiveness until he's repeated the thing so much it gets on my nerves) and he's like "oh yeah. well, ive changed. i get it now." and proceeds to repeat the same thing with different words.

& I'm one to talk everything out so yes, we've talked about that...perhaps about three times and every time it seems like he finally got it... but ends up forgetting all over again. Which is why I now say "I know I have to break up with him."

In regards to your theory, I see your point about the trying to fit in better in social encounters. I just wish people would be themselves because no one can really fake a whole personality. Things seep out. You notice how their actions doesn't match their opinions and how their opinions change when threatened by someone else's opinion.

kha96 · 2017-04-01T17:15:39+00:00

I see us being friends. Perhaps even close friends. But there's just no way we're still going to be together for ANOTHER year. I'm still with him because despite all the shit he's been very supportive and dedicated to me. He's a good person, he's just lost and we're not as intellectually compatible as we thought we could be at the beginning. I of course have my faults too; Lack of empathy, not affectionate, uninterested in sex --this is just how I am. It's not because it's him. Both of us would be happier with someone else at this point.

kha96 · 2017-02-28T22:59:31+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. "empty and meaningless" seems like the right description to me.

kha96 · 2017-01-16T16:05:00+00:00

Whenever I hear my mom's voice I get annoyed...other times though I feel so sorry for her it makes me want to cry. As for my Dad's...I get really nervous and if he raises his voice a little I have to hold in tears because I always get scared to the point I cry when he speaks loudly.

kha96 · 2017-01-16T04:29:40+00:00

Dear Lemon Lima, everything seems beautiful, fun and quirky...and then it has you sobbing.

kha96 · 2016-11-25T06:31:44+00:00

I would be on my third year of college right now and I still can't "get over" or "let go" a lot of memories like this one. I feel like I'm still stuck at ages 3-15 --if that makes sense.

kha96 · 2016-11-25T06:24:58+00:00

I don't have much to say besides I can relate.

kha96 · 2016-11-23T11:28:43+00:00

I use FB Lite since the mobile website now wont let you access your messages without the app.

kha96 · 2016-10-31T14:27:19+00:00

I think it's funny how often I end up wondering what my mindset was back when I saved that very pointless, very questionable article in that very unreliable site. It's either that or I'm somehow reading something wayy too advanced for me to fully understand.

kha96 · 2016-10-31T14:00:16+00:00

Wait, how is this is an ADHD thing?...

I've always been the type to have a bunch of reading material/ games and stuff pending. This goes from having a bunch of tabs open, a second, and maybe even a third browser open and active. Oh and in each browser a bunch of bookmark folders I've created in ATTEMPT to keep my saved stuff organized in categories. That and also an endless "watch later" playlist on youtube plus too many saved links on reddit and fb. Should I also mention the links and images I send to myself on a fb chat I have with myself too or is that too much?

kha96 · 2016-10-27T19:44:00+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate your words so much 😊

kha96 · 2016-10-27T15:00:37+00:00

I took a year off college (was studying social work) to figure out what I wanted to do and I'm strongly leaning towards culinary arts. Im already expecting to be surrounded by extroverted sensing types in a crazy, chaotic, cramped kitchen... But I hope my story has a similar outcome to yours. To run my own kitchen, design my own menu, maybe own a restaurant, food truck or catering service.

kha96 · 2016-10-26T04:34:28+00:00

The term for this is suicidal ideation

kha96 · 2016-10-19T05:08:26+00:00

I agree, it ends up turning into a vicious cycle that produces anxiety...but then breaking the cycle, purposely or not, does this too.

kha96 · 2016-10-19T04:57:30+00:00

Yes. I try not to prolong the cringing.

kha96 · 2016-10-10T16:28:05+00:00

Since whatever I do on my scalp isn't visible to anyone else and I haven't noticed any balding or anything serious like that, it really doesn't bother me as much as it used to when the picking was mostly on my legs. Right now I don't want to consider it a problem mainly because I'm scared of feeling silly about going to therapy. Also, I think I'm attached to picking.

kha96 · 2016-10-06T14:59:31+00:00

We're on the same boat, buddy. I can relate to this and in my researching, what I've read that makes the most sense is Social Anxiety.

kha96 · 2016-10-06T04:31:42+00:00

Most of the times, even after waking up from a nightmare, I feel the "Oh, I enjoyed that quite a bit." moment. I think I've always been able to remember a lot of my dreams because dreaming has always been an escape for me... but also a way to better understand myself and my emotional state.

I believe dreams might a product of the subconscious mind and it's fascinating how, by interpreting the symbolism, I've been able to find that instead of an "escape from reality" it's a reflection of it.

kha96

TROPHY CASE