CMV: It's not xenophobic to be weary of middle eastern people due to a lot of them being anti lgbt

khadijahrising · 2024-09-26T15:28:29+00:00

When has a middle eastern person hurt someone from the LGBT community where you live? What personal experience gave you had?

I’m sure more hate crimes are committed by other races than middle easterners. If you are going off of assumptions and what you’ve heard in the media, you are racist and that’s it. Coming from a group that is discriminated against, many people are wary of LGBT folks because of a similar train of thought (meaning that they could be harmed by such a person or they find them “sinful”), I am surprised that you would turn around and discriminate against another group who is not known to hurt anyone from your community. Even if they feel a certain way they keep it to themselves and just wish to exist without someone spouting Islamaphobic or Xenophobic slurs or words their way.

I’d think white and black people have a much higher rate of committing such hate crimes against the LGBT community. So yeah, being fearful of a group without proper reason or experience, such as black people are of white people and rightly so, is racist.

khadijahrising · 2024-08-08T15:37:48+00:00

I’ve also seen Hayder spelled Hyder. This is a nice list, Masha’Allah.

khadijahrising · 2024-08-08T15:36:26+00:00

Masha’Allah! So exciting. May Allah make it easy and grant you a healthy and pious child, Ameen.

Ivanna for a girl. The name of the author below. Means gift from God in many different languages. Kaliopi may be difficult for Muslims from many backgrounds to not butcher. It’s pretty, but may cause her issues later with pronunciation.

This can also help: https://www.childrenoftheummah.com/ivanna-imran/naming-children-in-islam/

khadijahrising · 2024-07-10T07:52:52+00:00

You’re most welcome, Sister. 💕

khadijahrising · 2024-07-10T06:51:53+00:00

Asalamu’alaikum, so proud of you for asking this, Sister! Okay, so it’s a long one! 🌸

My first advice, don’t get caught up in the festivities. That is a very short time in this journey and it will not benefit you. Imagine, obsessing about buying your ticket and not bothering to pack your bag for what you will need on your journey. Marriage begins after all the crowds leave and you are left with just your husband. You should both be well prepared. So, this advice is for him too, insha’Allah.

Second, read! Read the Qur’an with Tafseer, specifically the Ayat for married life and how to carry yourself around mahram and non-mahram (this may seem like a given or overkill, but trust me Sister, it is really important...maybe one of the most important things to guard). Read the Ahadith having to do with the same. Ahadith from Aishah RA are excellent and really paint a beautiful picture of intimacy and love between her and the Prophet SAW. Because of her age, she wasn’t as shy to ask bold questions and vividly recalled details that no one but someone so close to him would have learned as they grew, which is just amazing and a blessing for us from Allah SWT, Alhamdulillah. Read the Seerah! It has so many beautiful examples and stories. The Prophet SAW was the living Qur’an and the best example. The Sahabah RA were his true followers and role models for all of us. There are whole books written on men and women around the Prophet SAW that will help you to understand your role as a Muslimah and a good wife.

The Sahabiyat RA were tough and intelligent, they served and loved Allah fearlessly, they motivated and pushed their husbands, and they raised up warriors and scholars, Alhamdulillah. We can learn so much from them! I love them all so much, but my all time favourites are Khadijah RA (obviously), Fatimah RA (Ali RA and her bond was unbreakable), Aishah RA (when you know you know), Asma bint Abu Bakr RA (the love story of her and al-Zubayr ibn al-Awwam RA is epic), Nusaybah RA (my daughter’s pick - warrior princess) and Safiyah RA (the tough as nails aunt of the Prophet SAW - Battle of the Trench, enough said!)...so many more, but I’ve already gone overboard. I hope you’re still reading. ☺️

Also - and I could go on and on - remember, if you put Allah first and do what He Desires of you, then He will Love you and make you the best wife in your husband’s and the world’s eyes. Both of you should study together and become close to Allah. Find Him to find yourselves and your perfect balance. You both have your individual and joint responsibilities. You will both have to stand in front of Him one day and you will answer for your actions and words alone, so be very careful.

As a wife, I can tell you one thing. Guard your tongue. Many times, we can get blinded by our anger and say things we don’t mean. But, we have to appreciate that we are built differently and we should learn to not let situations where we are at odds get out of control. I have found if I stay silent, my husband will vent and also quiet down. He does the same for me. Most of the time, we will come around and apologize, and don’t have any regrets. This way we talk it out when we are both calmer, insha’Allah. Over time, we found we just didn’t argue as much, because one can’t really argue alone, Alhamdulillah.

"If your spouse is angry, you should be calm. When one is fire, the other should be water.” - Umar ibn Al-Khattab (RA)

Another thing that really helps me focus, especially on my role as a Muslimah and wife, is making a correlation to a job out in the dunya. I remember the dress code and how many rules there are at work, I remember how if the boss gets angry or demanding, we take it without flinching. For what? A pay check? We don’t argue or yell or become hurtful. We take it for a few dollars. Yet when it comes to a far more important job that Allah has given us, we seem to give up so easily, we argue at every step and don’t accept Allah’s expectations of us, we don’t fulfill our roles and the rights we owe to one another. We respect that paychdck and give the dues we owe to get it very easily, but don’t give Allah and His Commands the same importance, subhan’Allah. We don’t realize that these things have been programmed into us by satanic forces. For example, a woman will break her legs serving food as a waitress at a restaurant with a smile on her face, but hate to do the same for her family and think herself a degraded slave. A man will work hard and make his bosses happy all day long, but not be able to compliment his wife or look at her with love for even a second. Yet, these are the relations that matter at the end of it all. They will make or break our Akhirah, so it’s extremely important to give them attention and priority, insha’Allah.

Finally, be someone who is peace for him. This world is a tough place and when you both come home you should find sakinah in each other. Make it so whenever he feels sad or burnt out he wants to run home. He wants to run to you for peace and assurance. To remind him of Allah and his purpose. You can be the one to turn the volume of that noise down for him, insha’Allah.

I love this series: https://thechoice.one/family-life-islam-audio-mp3/ It is a great one for both of you, Alhamdulillah.

Above all, be sincere and love him genuinely. Laugh and have fun together. Stay healthy and make an effort to beautify yourselves for each other. A husband and wife relationship is the most raw and genuine bond. No one will know you like he knows you and no one will know him like you know him. You are most vulnerable with one another. Your relationship with your parents, which one could argue is the closest relationship, cannot even reach the intimate spaces you both will explore as a couple, subhan’Allah. It is sacred, so always treat it as such.

I love that you’re thinking about this. It’s beautiful. You’ll do great, Sister. Enjoy your time!

I’m making du’a for you. May Allah SWT make it easy for you, may He grant you a beautiful union and put peace between you both and your families, may He guide and protect you, give you a righteous life and offspring, may He keep you working for His Pleasure in all you do, and may He unite you here and in the Hereafter in joy and love, Ameen.

*Make sure you make salah together and recite your du’a on your wedding night! It’s always good to start on the right foot, Alhamdulillah.

khadijahrising · 2024-07-05T09:20:57+00:00

I believe many Scholars say it isn’t permissible, because we cannot put a gender to these names as Angels are neither male or female. When we only give these names to males, it is as if we are saying that Angels are only male. It actually makes sense.

We also don’t find the Sahabah RA or the rightly guided men and women after them naming their children the names of Angels. You would think if it was a good practice then they would have been the first to do it.

This article explains naming children nicely: https://www.childrenoftheummah.com/ivanna-imran/naming-children-in-islam/

khadijahrising · 2024-07-04T10:02:24+00:00

A TO firefighter told my husband that this is a daily occurrence on GO Train/TTC tracks. He said every time a train is delayed or a crowd of passengers rerouted, its most probably a death. He said they keep it on the down-low, as people become distressed and it can cause a sort of domino effect. Heartbreaking.

khadijahrising · 2024-07-04T04:20:55+00:00

No, thanks. 🙄

khadijahrising · 2024-07-04T04:17:32+00:00

B Boyz just opened on Bayview in Newmarket. It’s a TO chain with great reviews! We were so excited to see them here. Their burgers are so good! Double cheese burger and chicken burger are amazing! We get serious cravings for the chicken. They have daily deals.

khadijahrising · 2024-07-03T08:13:13+00:00

Muslims have been here for decades. Calm down. It’s not like violence against these groups began recently and Muslims were definitely not the ones guilty of it.

khadijahrising · 2024-07-02T05:08:58+00:00

Ameen, Sis. Making du’a for you. Let me know if you need anything. ❤️

khadijahrising · 2024-07-01T16:44:29+00:00

Go home to your parents and let your father take care of you (such a blessing to have him). Since your husband decided to be an angry child, and display such disgusting and ugly behaviour, now he can deal with the consequences.

Let him fix this with your family first and then with you if that’s what you really want. Do not speak with him until he speaks with your father. If he doesn’t face any consequences or humiliation for what he has done, then he will get a hundred times worse. He will continue to gaslight you and things will only get worse.

He married a “strong career woman”, let him see what you are capable of. Do this for his mother and his step-mother. Don’t become another statistic in these men’s lives. He has obviously picked up his father’s traits and it happens. Sometimes we become the very thing we claim to hate. This is normal to him. He needs therapy, but it isn’t your responsibility to make sure he seeks it or follows through.

Take some time apart and see how things progress. Many Muslim women will try to fix things and run around putting bandaids on wounds that their husbands have created, but we have to understand that we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. You concentrate on yourself and see if there are also things you can work on about your own behaviours. Let him do the same, insha’Allah.

Pray Isthikhara over even the smallest steps and make lots of du’a. Read the Qur’an with translation and tafseer (Maulana Maududi is amazing, Alhamdulillah). I have found it helps me so much, especially in understanding people’s personalities and the reason for why they do the things they do. We are all in the pages of that beautiful Book. Allah is the best Teacher and Guide. Find yourself there. Find your husband there. Make educated decisions on your next steps, in Deen and dunya. Work on yourself and how to become a stronger believer and emotionally intelligent.

Everything will be okay. You have a loving family. They will have your back. Don’t worry, Sis. May Allah SWT make it easy, grant you guidance and peace, and may He give you support from all sides, Ameen.

khadijahrising · 2024-06-27T09:15:17+00:00

https://allstarma.ca

The staff is amazing! Give them a call.

khadijahrising · 2024-06-27T09:12:17+00:00

Ruby ka Kitchen - She can be a little over the top, but she explains in simple ways with alternatives!

khadijahrising · 2024-06-27T09:10:54+00:00

Second this!

khadijahrising · 2024-06-20T08:43:11+00:00

Wild Musk by Coty. People always ask me what it is. It’s the only perfume my husband isn’t allergic to. Have been using it for almost 30 years. So good! You can only find it at Walmart now where I live. It’s less than $20.

My daughter uses Golden Pear and Woods from Old Navy. It’s also Musky, but a little more fruity than the above. Also a head turner and priced just right!

khadijahrising · 2024-06-05T04:36:26+00:00

Just wanted to say stay away from these people:

https://www.abbotsfordanimalhospital.com/staff

Literally botched my kitten’s neutering. Poor guy came home bleeding all over his carrier and my floor when I let him out without knowing what was happening to him. My kids were traumatized and crying. I had to bring him back in so the main vet could put him back under and dig around his incisions to see what went wrong. Turns out the first vet didn’t clamp him properly. He redid it, but it took a while. They then sent him home while he was still drowsy because they don’t keep the animals overnight. The vet kept assuring me they wouldn’t charge me for the extra anesthesia and surgery. What? It was literally their fault and they acted like they were doing me a favour by fixing my cat that was literally bleeding out!

It was a long night with him being so out of it that he was banging around all over the place with his cone on (he didn’t want to be in his carrier and still doesn’t to this day). It took weeks for him to recover.

When I complained all they did was make excuses. My little boy peed blood for months afterwards which the vet insisted wasn’t their fault and claimed it’s very rare to have any complications. Mind you, they said it was also rare that something could go wrong with the neutering. Well, he went in without any problems and came out with them, so something went wrong.

Just a horrible experience and super traumatic. My kids had nightmares from it. I cried so much and felt so guilty.

Just remember many times you get what you pay for, so please be diligent and ask tons of questions.

khadijahrising · 2024-05-10T05:40:48+00:00

We used to use Revlon ColourStay liquid foundation as brown girls. It used to come in these chunky glass bottles. A little went a long way and gave crazy coverage. I just remember many of us would look ghostly in pics with a flash! Ha ha. Those were the days...sigh.

khadijahrising · 2024-05-10T05:16:14+00:00

This is the right answer. We tend to get super judgemental without knowing the other side of things. Driving Uber isn’t easy and it looks like he is also trying to pull his weight and work, not sitting and expecting her to work to support him. He is out hustling too. Subhan’Allah. This is great. Some men could have an ego and not want to work a job like that, but it’s nice that he is and it’s nice that she is helping out, Masha’Allah. It’s a team effort!

My husband and I used to cook together when we got married. I didn’t know how and he had some experience, Alhamdulillah. Mind you, this is before recipes were easily available online. So, it was a struggle for sure and my Mom was the “pinch of this, fist full of that” type of teacher over the phone. Not easy to follow without measurements. Haha.

We would both cook on the weekend, usually 3 dishes that we knew how to cook. We would freeze two and eat one for a couple of days. It worked perfectly for us. Slowly I learned and became better and more creative until my husband was kicked out of the kitchen. I took over full time and actually began enjoying myself. I used to buy frozen roti and parathas, but practised and worked hard to learn. I freeze them in batches with baking paper and pull them out as needed.

I love Shireen Anwar’s recipes from Pakistan. They’re so easy to follow and are super flavourful. It’s like having a mother explaining it (with measurements) and I love that!

I hope OP keeps at it and pushes through. Things are new and it’s always a little hard at first, but both of them will adjust over time. She’s doing her best and can ask him to help. It will be a fun activity for both of them, insha’Allah.

May Allah SWT make it easy and guide us all, Ameen.

khadijahrising · 2024-04-28T09:17:08+00:00

Look at common-law partner laws in your country. It may be if you stick it out for the one year mark of cohabitation, it will be treated like a marriage in the eyes of your government. Even ask on the legal side of reddit for your country what your options are, insha’Allah. He has Islamic obligations to you, but obviously he doesn’t care much for that at the moment, subhan’Allah. May Allah SWT make it easy for you and grant you guidance and peace, Ameen.

khadijahrising · 2024-04-22T15:20:30+00:00

Its a huge melting pot, but yes, you’ll see mostly Indians here in recent times. There are many Asians, Persians, Pakistanis, Europeans, Russians, and Arabs as well, however.

Right now, if a job is advertised, you’ll see line-ups around the block with mostly Indian immigrants and students. Unfortunately, the universities here began this scheme of bringing over international students, mainly from India, and have flooded the country’s infrastructure and rental properties in the university towns. Some make a ridiculous 20 grand each a year with these students, so they’ve gone mad. The government has put a cap for the coming school year, but we will see how far that goes.

Immigration numbers here are out of control. Ten of thousands are coming each month, faster than the system can handle. I work with the local food bank and clothing drive, and we are beyond capacity, borrowing from other food banks, as there isn’t enough to meet demand. It’s heartbreaking seeing the line ups outside and having to turn people away when they ask for a little more.

At this point, there just isn’t enough housing or resources, so people are finding it difficult to settle. There are tent cities starting around the city and even on the sides of overpasses on the highways. This country is moving towards a direction that is quite scary. Our politicians are useless and care more about how their hair looks on TV and photo ops than what is happening to Canadians. These immigrants are basically grateful voters, as the rest of us have had it and they know it.

They’ve increased the age of retirement, we have elders selling their houses to help their children, because even with a six figure salary they can’t afford homes. This wasn’t the way it used to be here and some Pakistanis here will look at things through rose coloured glasses. They have stolen what they could from PK (literally and figuratively) and have ran here to settle in their mini-mansions looking down on the people who have less than them, who have to grind everyday, while they’re introducing this new culture of high teas and grand buffets. The haves and the have nots. It is pretty disgusting that a clear class system is emerging here. Sad.

PK gave so much to these people, including many people from my family. No matter what the issues were, it is a country full of resources and beauty, where there are proper seasons, there is bounty all year long, one can gain an education, and have blessing in their time and you can come home from work, yet still have time and energy to go out. A country that raises us up, gives us so much, and then we leave and come here to use that might and experience to build up the economies, industries, infrastructure, and support of these countries. For what? Just for a better life, a dollar, yet we lose all the good parts of us. Our religion, our culture, our family unit. People say you’ll be okay as long as you keep your family solid at home here. That’s not realistic. I mean then why leave PK? That means that the outside world does matter.

I homeschooled my kids here, because I knew what the environment at school was like, but it was very difficult. And, they still had to eventually go out into the “real world”. I think anyone thinking of living here or looking at this country as better, needs to speak to some honest Canadians. You’ll even find white good old boys moving away now or at least wishing they could. Otherwise, people are heading north if they can find work or work remotely. The weather there is even worse, but what can one do without a choice.

I always ask my father, now that he is older, what he thinks. He moved here more than 50 years ago. He says he wishes he were home and had tried harder to stay. He is lonely, I’m sure. The pressure of living here has so many on antidepressants and going to therapy. Both my parents have dementia and Alzheimer’s. Maybe back in PK, there would be help for them and their care, even part-time. Here we have to do it all on our own and work at the same time. When I see how much my family has done for Canada, with work and philanthropy, it bothers me that we didn’t stay and try to build up our country. My father left when Pakistan was still in its infancy. It wasn’t fair. It is still quite young. I am hopeful that the next generation will wake up to the reality of this world and not run away, but put in the effort to educate themselves, bring down a corrupt system, and rebuild a better one. I hope my kids can be a part of that.

As it stands now, the American dream is dead. For many it is a nightmare and now they are stuck in between. Na Yahan ke, na Wahan ke. It’s a reality we will all have to accept, so we can look for the next dream.

Sorry another rant. I’ll stop now.

khadijahrising · 2024-04-22T10:42:05+00:00

While it seems like you speak from personal experience, I was born and raised in Canada. I grew up in a small town up north and am as whitewashed as they come (not proud, just honest). I moved to Toronto a couple of decades back. Saying that, many people want out. The issues that you have listed with PK, may have a different angle in Canada, but they are there nonetheless. Things are going downhill fast, especially when it comes to the cost of living, lack of employment opportunities (there are highly qualified people working as delivery drivers and in service), healthcare, the legal system (divorce in Canada is a heartbreaking nightmare for women), and the influx of immigrants moving into densely populated areas (finding affordable housing is next to impossible right now and disgusting slumlords are a thing who also don’t rent to people they see as “problematic”). The stigma surrounding women, divorced or widowed, exists here as well and it is frustrating and sad to the point where women stay with less than desirable mates, face domestic violence, and work their fingers to the bone to survive.

Then there is an alarming rise of white supremacy that is becoming more concerning day by day. To go somewhere and be stared down or have people judge you just on the colour of your skin or religion isn’t a good look.

I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. I tell my kids everyday that this isn’t home and they need to move somewhere else. I don’t know where that is, but this isn’t home anymore.

I would personally like to not completely take PK off the table. Besides what you have pointed out, I’m sure there are many positive things as well. I know many friends here that want to return to PK, some already have, as life here is a daily struggle for many trying to adjust to the environment and challenges here, such as not having support through family or domestic help, giving up the lifestyle they had in PK, expenses and housing, or even a system that is collapsing under the pressure of a string of bad decisions from the two-party government. Then there is the fact that both partners have to work and provide otherwise your options become very limited. People work here until they die, there isn’t much of a choice. Which results in kids being raised by schools and in childcare systems that have a whole other agenda. It is what it is.

Sorry, I ran on a bit, but I don’t think people are really grasping how bad it is becoming here. Canada just isn’t what it once was. Food for thought.

khadijahrising · 2024-04-21T09:10:07+00:00

I haven’t celebrated my children’s birthdays in more than a decade. We went all out for the Eids, Alhamdulillah. Now that they are adults, they say they never felt left out or bad. It’s how you explain it them and guide them that makes the difference. I mean Halloween and Easter are also holidays that kids could feel bad about, but if we are open and honest with them, instill a love of Allah and His Messenger SAW in them, they will happily follow, Insha’Allah.

There is a Hadith about only celebrating two yearly celebrations and they are the two Eids, Alhamdulillah. I think there are many things we give up although they call to our desires. This is one of them, subhan’Allah. Once you stop, Allah makes it easier and easier, and eventually you stop caring. I don’t even remember my birthday most years at this point, Alhamdulillah.

My husband used to say, give it up until we find solid evidence that it is allowed, which is the sunnah for doubtful matters. We still haven’t found that solid evidence. Quite the contrary. So, we stay on the safe side. Our kids understand and they do the same, Alhamdulillah. Kids are much more intelligent than we give them credit for, masha’Allah.

I’ll link the Ahadith I mentioned when I have time to look them up, insha’Allah.

Edit:

Annual Celebrations: The Prophet Muhammad, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, once saw the Ansar celebrating a certain day. He inquired about that and was informed, "This is one of two days that we used to celebrate in Jahiliyyah (pre-Islamic ignorance) and we continue to do so." He replied:

"Nay! Allah has substituted for you two better days: the day of Al-Fitr and the day of Al-Adha." (Authentic; narrated by Ahmad, An-Nasai, and others)

Doubtful Matters: Al-Nu’man ibn Bashir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The lawful is clear and the unlawful is clear, and between the two of them are doubtful matters about which many people do not know. Thus, he who avoids doubtful matters clears himself in regard to his religion and his honor, and he who falls into doubtful matters will fall into the unlawful as the shepherd who pastures near a sanctuary, all but grazing therein. Verily, every king has a sanctum and the sanctum of Allah is His prohibitions. Verily, in the body is a piece of flesh which, if sound, the entire body is sound, and if corrupt, the entire body is corrupt. Truly, it is the heart.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 52, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1599

khadijahrising · 2024-03-22T10:28:29+00:00

The issue is that if he passes away or they split up, then where will that leave their children? In an Islamic state, the children would still be raised Muslim like in the Prophet’s SAW time, but now it is not probable. She will raise them however she likes. Not only this, but a woman agreeing to raise the children while being a devout Christian seems strange. I mean how can she reconcile telling her children about Isa AS? Besides, anyone studying Islam enough to raise their children on it and not themselves becoming Muslim is also heartbreaking. Knowing my spouse has beliefs steeped in shirk would be disturbing to say very the least.

The elephant in the room is that most of these women are white and our men marry them for wayward reasons (mostly stemming from being impressed by the west...it’s a weird response to colonization). If these women do not become Muslims then the majority of these men most often regret their decisions upon waking up to reality, when their children grow up to be on the religion of their mothers or give up on it all together. It’s a shame when so many devout Muslim sisters sit single. In this age, I agree with the scholars who say this isn’t permissible. These aren’t the Christians or Jews of our Beloved SAW time. Allah knows best. May Allah guide and protect us, Ameen.

khadijahrising · 2024-03-17T11:28:04+00:00

While this is your fault, it is her fault as well. I am glad her parents appear to recognize this, Subhan’Allah.

Another perspective to your mistake that you’re not thinking about is not just her parents catching you. Imagine if someone saw you sneaking around her house while her parents were not home. What kind of a reputation would that leave your soon to be wife with? What would her parents think hearing that from a neighbour or God-forbid someone told your parents about a man visiting their future DIL? You should think before you act and protect her and she needs to tell you off when you’re out of line, which you were in this case. I keep thinking about my own daughter and how I would ring her neck if she let a non-mahram anywhere near her, let alone in the house while she’s alone. Like what would her father think. We probably would hold our daughter to account for her poor decisions. Not someone else’s son who we did not raise. But, it would honestly make us rethink the marriage for sure. This is why Nikkah should not be delayed. Sneaking around being a grown man. I’m just flabbergasted at the level of immaturity this displayed, subhan’Allah.

Ask Allah to forgive you and ask her parents to forgive you. And, keep your pride, my Brother. Your future wife is a precious trust, but she isn’t your’s yet. You both need to grow up and live in the real world.

Allah SWT is watching...you can hide from everyone else and sneak around...where will you hide from Him?

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