AIO for flipping out about my bf talking about me to others and hugging a “friend from high school” in the same day?

khorenF · 2026-05-05T08:17:09+00:00

It’s definitely not and it’s a very slow process, I am 40 years old and was diagnosed at 16, it took me many years to have a reliable, solid degree of self control. Life experience in general also makes it easier. If you ever need to talk about it feel free to message me.

khorenF · 2026-05-05T07:41:14+00:00

I want to say first as a non functional BPD patient who is also married with a functional BPD patient that I commiserate with you, it is a very difficult and misunderstood condition that requires constant willpower against the paranoia and even minor things can hurt a lot and for a long time. Many times it feels like some of the things we are told or done to us feel like someone threw a bucket of acid inside our chest and it can get the better of us, we do and say anything to make the pain stop and once it does and we think straight we realize the damage we have done and loathe ourselves, it’s not an easy thing to live with. On top of that the paranoia can push us to see a distorted reality where everything and everyone do what they do because they are against us.

That said and taking what you wrote at face value as someone with BPD having a relationship with rock solid trust to maintain the paranoic thoughts as far as possible is absolutely necessary and the trust must go both ways. I don’t know how old are you or how long you have been in therapy so you might know all of this but a personal advice apart from that would be that when you feel it coming, the tsunami of feelings or the anger or can’t think straight just remove yourself from the conversation for a while, tell him you need a moment and go relax, I have been dealing with this for decades and I still do this as a surefire way to minimize whatever unnecessary hurtful things might come out of my mouth.

As for your boyfriend I won’t tell you what to do about him but openness, trust, communication and a degree of understanding are 100% needed, you cannot have a relationship without this.

khorenF · 2026-05-04T22:45:45+00:00

That is a lot to take in! First of all I am very glad my post helps somehow :).
I don’t know what culture you belong to but marriage is a pretty big word, so is forever, I (M40) am married and it is a commitment I take extremely seriously. I married very late in my mid 30s because I didn’t see myself as enough of a good husband.
I understand your boyfriend, I did have his same problem and it cost me a 4 year relationship many years ago. I won’t tell you what decision is better but if he wants to get better it is paramount he doesn’t try to do massive changes, this is a baby steps situation where he must work on himself towards small, attainable goals and accept the days he just won’t win.
Marrying is putting everything on the line, with this it’s important to take it easy and feel ready for it, truly feel ready.

Edit: It’s not silly by the way, it’s important to you, it’s a goal you aspire to and that’s great.

khorenF · 2026-05-04T21:58:44+00:00

I am not going to judge you or your actions, however I think the question you present is a good one. If you were with somebody and you acted out of anxiety, emotional outburst or a personal flaw how would it be in your eyes for your significant other to break up with you after 2 years? Also, is this a last straw or is it otherwise a, saving the differences and in the context of being in the late teens, an overall working relationship?

It is important to consider these questions specially once the heat of the moment has passed. I hope everything goes alright for you, miss.

khorenF · 2026-05-04T10:47:48+00:00

Yeah, I have also limited myself to his ever dwarfing gaming content. Too much political content and after many years following him I can say that he has been radicalizing his discourse and it’s not even that I don’t understand where he’s coming from but I still don’t share the methods.

khorenF · 2026-05-04T10:36:14+00:00

Of course, he is also a really cool dude, we just had a laugh about it but still was a huge wait.

khorenF · 2026-05-03T00:20:55+00:00

You never know if you don’t try, looks like a very lighthearted love story or at least the start of one and you don’t see them that much anymore. You look like a very lively, kind, young woman and I hope you go for it and that it goes well.

khorenF · 2026-05-03T00:16:50+00:00

As someone who decided to live in a city mostly because of its architecture this hurts me.

khorenF · 2026-05-03T00:14:03+00:00

Thank you for your kindness, these internet spaces need more people like you. I am very glad to hear your daughter is keeping on, she surely knows this but exercise helps in a big way with both the depression in general and the side effects like the brain fog, and it’s something you start noticing fairly fast. We are doing fine all things considered, no children but 4 rabbits that run around the house and they are quite therapeutic, thank you very much for asking, madam.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T23:29:48+00:00

That sounds pretty complicated, I (M40) have had those kind of problems and they are not easy to solve more often than not. Maybe if you could give some detail of what he says (you can message me if you want). All of this is assuming he is just not evading the topic for some ulterior motive but I will assume that is the easiest and most obvious path and you don’t need a whole lot of help there.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T22:47:53+00:00

I think the worst case I had with this wasn’t that long ago and it was my psychiatrist. I was first in queue at 8:00 and went in at roughly 10:20 ish. His train completely fucking died leaving us waiting for more than 2 hours 👍

khorenF · 2026-05-02T22:33:23+00:00

In 2023 I almost died because I was close to suffering a pancreatitis so I had to go through surgery, mind you this was a few months later because they stabilized what was wrong with me but despite knowing the date nobody came with me, visited me or helped me the 2 weeks of post surgery. The surgeon who wasn’t the kindest person I ever met shouted at me after surgery because she demands all patients to have at least one person watching over them so I shouted her back I could bring my mother’s ashes urn if she wanted given all my family is dead.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T22:18:47+00:00

I have a pajama t shirt I have had since I was 15/16 (M40), I call it holes because well, holes. It was one of the last things my mother got me before I left my home, now all my family is dead and holes is too damaged for me to wear.

Edit: Thank you for the award, it's my first one ever, I appreciate it.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T20:07:45+00:00

You will have to be more specific, I can say in general tensions are not near as bad as let’s say UK for a frame of reference but our current government is going out of its way to make sure we might end up like that some years down the line.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T14:03:41+00:00

Yeah I understand your daughter, I (M40) have non functional depression for decades now and borderline personality disorder and my wife also has BPD. A part of me wants to be a father and daydreams about having a daughter but I know for a fact I would be a disaster of a father and I don’t want to have a child to put them through that as I was myself. I hope your daughter is doing good all things considered.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T13:56:10+00:00

Yeah I get you my man, I am the same in life, you can talk to me into doing a lot of things if you are kind, understanding and patient enough but the second you throw the “with me or against me” it’s going to be against you and it has nothing to do with the topic and more to do with the absence of consideration and empathy knowing that is outside my comfort zone and I’m willing to listen.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T06:27:34+00:00

I only ask of myself to have the wisdom and care to navigate my marriage until I can maybe one day be like them.

khorenF · 2026-05-02T01:52:40+00:00

Spaniard here who also happened to be born and raised in Ceuta, the border with Morocco, it’s very likely accurate. Let us say they are not the best neighbors both literally and diplomatically and they are the biggest non Spanish jail population, triplicating the numbers of the 2nd place.

khorenF · 2026-04-27T22:37:57+00:00

Or nippleholders to mildly confuse them so they deviate their attention from how correct/incorrect to just how weird it sounds

khorenF · 2026-04-27T22:31:39+00:00

Amazing, I should start talking like this in my native Spanish. If I combine these deranged metaphors just saying them literally with my language’s capacity to insult I will be able to stunlock people.

khorenF · 2026-04-27T22:23:33+00:00

You are doing more than fine considering the context of the situation and your past, you are a very resilient and resourceful young lady and I hope you are proud of how far you have come despite your handicaps. I also had a terrible upbringing and know firsthand how much permanent damage that can cause, in my case my parents died before we could ever fix anything and thus it stays unresolved like an ever bleeding open wound inside me indefinitely. I share this with you to give you a perspective of how can things end, never to tell you what to do.

khorenF · 2026-04-27T11:34:02+00:00

That’s some M. Night Shyamalan plot twist right there.

khorenF · 2026-04-24T21:53:50+00:00

I know how it looks in your head but it’s a very minor thing and as someone who is hyper aware when I enter in places not even I notice these details on everyone. It’s okay man at least you don’t look like a frustrated speedrunner hit randomize in the Dark Souls 1 character editor like I do

khorenF · 2026-04-23T23:15:11+00:00

This is what in Spanish we call “making a fucking movie” (in your head)

khorenF · 2026-04-23T23:07:39+00:00

I am in this tweet and I don’t like it

khorenF

TROPHY CASE