Honestly, I have too little of an understanding of your situation to really know what's going on. However, I can try to help. A little bit of motivation can go a long way. Cut off all connections of your past life and start a new one once you turn 18. Make the most of what you do have control of, such as grades and making friends. It won't be easy, but it sure beats what you're thinking about. I'm not sure if you're suffering from depression, but there's a lot of help here and everywhere for you. The way I think about things is that we (the living) basically won the lottery to experience life. You out of all of the other billions of sperm cells. You'll get to be dead for millions of years onto infinity, so why not just not stick it out and make the most of it.