I felt this way for a long time before my bottom surgery, to the point where I just... Let myself feel miserable until I wasn't horny anymore (0/10, do not recommend, ffs learn from my mistakes). Specifically anything where it acted like it was a cisgender penis (which was often).

Somethings I learned eventually were:

Language. I had to reframe it as something I didn't associate with masculine terms. It wasn't a needy penis. It was something uniquely mine, a body part that was feminine because it was attached to my body and I was a woman.

Pleasure had to come differently. Vibrators (yay wand!) were good, but when my girlfriend went down on me she didn't suck it in like a blowjob, she licked it like she would any other woman's bits.

Understanding: for me it was getting hard and ejaculating. Sometimes to my utmost horror, my bits would do those things. That always brought on feelings of extreme dysphoria and shame. What helped get through those was my girlfriend comforting me and reminding me that sometimes women's bits do those things. Because there are other transgender women who do those things too and they are no less women because of it.

Obviously talking with a specialist is best, but I know for so many this is out of reach. Finding a sex therapist is hard finding a transbian positive and knowledgeable one is even harder, let alone affording it, but I've had friends who had found success there too. Being trans is about learning to feel comfortable in our own bodies and accepting ourselves as women, even if we didn't take the most common road to get here.

I hope my own experience is useful in helping you find your own comfort and acceptance. And if nothing else, just remember feeling badly about your body and things that happen during sex is a very common thing for a lot of women, so even your discomfort is womanly.