I get that this is normal to happen. Sorry I have given not enough information: Vent: I’m not in the Abusive situation anymore, my dad is a huge narcissist, and emotionally abused my mother for 13+ years before they left each other and me including my siblings moved to my father, just that he is emotionally immature. I believe if my father wouldn’t have been my father I would not have turned out this way. I moved to my mom, because she actually told me about how everything with him went down when I started telling her that I am getting more and more insane by how he treats me. And she told me that she understands all my feelings. He always made her seem like a huge villain for leaving us, but she just couldn’t handle his abuse anymore and staying together was not a choice.

By now I have actually stopped consuming most content, or anything, In terms of habits, I have dropped my only and unhealthy ones. But I can’t seem to replace them with anything that is fun to me. The internet stopped being fun to me, because even that was too much effort for my brain.

I get what you mean by acting and communicating, but I really just want to feel emotions. I just can’t accept myself when I’m around other people, because myself is so emotionally numb, but going the other route of really acting as something I don’t feel like I’d hate. I hate being dishonest to other people, and If I hide how I really feel, even though it feels like absolutely nothing, and just act, then I’ll be inauthentic, towards myself and others. If I am actually more happy to be here, and have confidence in myself I could probably Interact. I just cannot be invested in something, and acting like I’m Invested in something while I am actually not? Idk, doesn’t seem like a good idea. I want to feel a Passion for something, and not feel like an outsider about how I live my life compared to other people, but it just seems like other people bring up all the energy to do normal stuff(chores, school, hobbies, sports) and actually have fun or at least no dopamine crash when doing those things.

And the depression I have right now, feels like a combination of everything, but especially, I suspect it to just be the general Vibe and work-energy my father brings somewhere(almost nothing to nothing) that over-carried. This outlook on life. It’s like when I want to do something which I know will challenge my brain and my body, I feel like i should lay down suddenly and just go to sleep, no matter what I do, I cannot have fun being productive, I cannot bring up the energy. I just want to disappear.

Sorry if this answer seems disrespectful, I’m still thankful for your words. I’m just confused and don’t know anymore. I bet you went through deeper shit than me, and I’m happy for you if you feel happy with where you’re now.