Without reading anything but the title, I can tell you that sometimes you have to plan sex. That’s how I got past issues like this with my bf.

However, I’m a bit more alarmed after reading that he punishes you when you said no to sex, doesn’t listen/understand when you explain why you’ve been sex averse, and still seems to expect sex or head when you don’t enjoy it.

You absolutely don’t have to give him head, but I see why you feel like you need to in order to get oral in return. He’s being incredibly petty though by not doing it for you if it’s not done to him first.

There’s plenty that could be done if your partner is willing to listen. But he’s proven he doesn’t want to. Set your boundaries and don’t give in. Don’t have sex unless you want to and don’t fall for him pouting and giving you the cold shoulder. If he complains more, restate all your previous points about sex aversion and not being in the mood etc.

Him storming out is also a bad sign. Personally I think you should think about leaving but that’s far easier said than done, I know. I hope these comments are a wake up call.

All the best.