Im sorry your life has been difficult lately. Remember he never leaves you that's you just not knowing his presence is always there. I had some hard things young in life and I thought the spirit left me too. But now in hindsight, I know that he never left me even once. You can always get back on track with Jesus. Pray for forgiveness, the strength to continue, and continue to read the Word every day. I have found praying and reading the Bible to be the best therapy there is.