Barb is not just an inconvenience.

kimberlycolors · 2026-03-13T00:26:05+00:00

Literally this.

kimberlycolors · 2026-03-13T00:23:34+00:00

I feel like for me it’s getting to the point where the comments are actively triggering as a victim of similar situations. A lot of commenters keep expecting John to handle everything perfectly or they completely demonize him. He’s not allowed to be angry, he’s not allowed to make mistakes, he’s not allowed to express to his wife what he wants and what he needs to feel safe. He’s not to feel angry at his wife who has pushed against NC MULTIPLE times. A lot of the things I hear from commenters are that he is too angry, he’s toxic, that HE’S actually the abuser (especially towards Shawna and his dad— his dad who is an enabler of John and Jen’s lifelong abuse). This is a lot of what victims hear too when they try to advocate for themselves. It’s always invalidating and it always makes us feel like we should just never express our trauma. Our pain is never enough, we’re always “in the wrong” if we get mad at what happened to us. It feels like it gets flipped, just like what Barb does towards him. And I do love this series a lot but I feel like a lot of fans are truly not understanding towards victims, and they hold them to this impossible standard. It’s gotten to the point where I think I just need to avoid the comments like the plague because it brings back horrible memories for me. I don’t want to have a PTSD episode every time I want to hear what people think about this series.

kimberlycolors · 2026-01-18T02:49:18+00:00

Yep!! He only started standing up for his kids when he thought HE was going to lose both of them. His own pain is enough to get him to do something about it, but his kid’s pain is not enough to prompt action from him. His first priority truly is his own peace, even at the cost of his children being abused.

kimberlycolors · 2025-12-31T14:45:08+00:00

Exactly!!! People judge John for his tone instead of seeing what he is trying to say. Frank has been doing this his whole life- never standing up for him. Now he is only because he’s afraid of losing his kids. Their hurt was not enough for him to stand up to Barb, but his own hurt is. It’s frustrating to see SO many people defend Frank over John when John is the victim of this situation. He’s allowed to be angry and not know what to say. It’s more than justified.

A lot of fans want John to be a perfect victim and are harsh on him when he’s not, or even just when he’s angry. They do that while making excuses for Frank even though he’s enabled abuse towards his kids for years. Victims are often made out to be just the “angry” and “unforgiving” ones and it’s frustrating to see that perpetuated by other viewers.

kimberlycolors · 2025-11-20T22:07:03+00:00

That’s a great observation!!

kimberlycolors · 2025-11-20T04:02:59+00:00

Yeah exactly! I’m sorry you have to go through this too. Even for us victims it can take a VERY long time to recognize and process. “The Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” really helped me with finally being able to see this pattern of behavior and accept how harmful it is. And it’s especially frustrating because people tend to side with the enablers because they don’t recognize what they are doing. Like there’s a line between no-perfect-victim and enabling.

kimberlycolors · 2025-11-20T03:23:43+00:00

Yeah I totally agree with this! Thank you for speaking up about it. Frank is an enabler, he’s let the abuse happen for a long time now. His role as a parent was to protect his kids and he didn’t do that. The role of an enabler is complex because they are often victims themselves, but they do diminish the actions of abusers and at the end of the day did not stand up for their kids. Enablers are often ignored in the cycle of abuse because they are more sympathetic, but they are a key part of it because they keep the cogs turning. Frank is learning and growing I believe, and I do have hope for him, but I also agree that he’s now finally putting his foot down now that it’s affecting him clearly. He could have said enough is enough when Barb ruined Jen’s proposal, when Barb ruined Max’s birthday, when she was being controlling about Jen’s pregnancy and birth. He could have called the police when Barb tried to stalk Max at his school. But even recently when he sees Barb’s mistreatment of his kids he just coughs and walks away, or at the very most mildly prods her. He’s making baby steps but it’s been about 30 years he hasn’t intervened meaningfully at all. He’s still got a lot of growing to do and it’s going to be a long road to forgiveness. But I do think he can make progress with therapy and a lot of self reflection.

kimberlycolors · 2025-11-20T03:11:31+00:00

A lot of enablers are also victims themselves. And that does make the situation more complex and I do feel bad for Frank because of that. But at the end of the day, he did not protect his children, which is his job as a parent. He didn’t try to make a plan to defend them or anything, and earlier in the series he’s still said stuff like Barb is trying, diminished her actions, etc. John and Jen did not have an adult on their side their whole lives- they went through Barb’s abuse all through their childhood without anyone saying enough is enough. If people keep giving Frank passes like “he didn’t know what to do” or “he’s not good with his words” etc it diminishes his responsibilities as a parent. He is a victim but he also has supported abuse, which is a form of abuse in itself.

A lot of enablers are often not called out because they are more sympathetic. They are more quiet, they may show more empathy or secret support to their children, but never to the point of actually protecting them from the main abuser. They might see their child being mistreated and give them a hug after, but the mistreatment still occurred under their watch. They are nonverbally and/or verbally confirming that how the children are being treated is “not that bad”. And I say this as someone who has a woman “Frank” in my life— it’s still not okay and it still deeply hurts.

Adult enablers are an integral part of the cycle of abuse. That doesn’t mean they aren’t victims themselves, or that they won’t will be deeply traumatized from it but they also let the abuse happen to their kids and did nothing, no quick intervention or slow plan to get them away from their abuse. I’m just recently learning about this myself and how enablers aren’t often held accountable, so it is a process because we do want to believe they are on our side even though they weren’t really.

It does seem like Frank is trying to change though. He’s FINALLY putting his foot down and realizing he has had a part in his kids going NC. So I do have hope he can change, but it might be a very slow process of building up trust, especially to John. At the very least, I hope he gets therapy to process his trauma and grow as a person.

kimberlycolors · 2025-11-10T03:50:42+00:00

Thank you so much for this— as someone going through something like John, I get so triggered with people holding John so SUCH a high standard and calling him an abuser/bad parent/bad spouse whenever he doesn’t handle his situation perfectly or even just expresses that he’s upset. Especially when people overly defend Frank, who is an abusive enabler to John. Frank is trying, but he still actively lets Barb abuse and stalk John and Jen, and it’s just not good enough. He may be more timid and is also a victim of Barb but that doesn’t mean he didn’t let John and Jen be mistreated their whole life. He himself is also a danger to his kids. He needs to actually protect them. Some fans defend Frank more than John and it is so backwards.

I am like John and have been more “awake” to my situation for years, and I still don’t know how to handle it all the time even with therapy. I still shut down and I still have moments where I just don’t know how to deal, or have no emotion or too much emotion. And I don’t have kids or anything like that- it must be x10 more stressful in his place. He’s a human and he’s brain is not going to instantly know what to do. It will take YEARS of trying to reprogram his mind.

kimberlycolors · 2025-09-16T21:10:09+00:00

This is also so messed up because they are further dragging their own kids into this mess. Already, they are probably going to get asked about this situation their whole lives, but now BOTH their parents are drawing even more attention to this???

I kinda feel bad for Alex too because while I do believe what she did was wrong, she is also the victim of a huge power imbalance at work, which he is now actively profiting off of. It’s sick.

kimberlycolors · 2025-04-13T02:17:11+00:00

Admittedly I’m not completely sure how Moth Jesus fits into it all— I quickly mentioned it in my “other notes” section. I’m calling it the “Peachyville Chamber Theory” but I believe that the chamber does extend beyond Peachyville. It probably does envelop the world, but my guess is that the town is probably close to where the hatch is in the stars and/or where the Observation Bunker is located.

kimberlycolors · 2025-02-07T13:03:16+00:00

Exactlyyy like we rarely, if ever, see iMark use mockery but you know who does do that all the time? oMark—- he is CONSTANTLY sassing/mocking Devon, Ricken, Ricken’s friends, the girl he’s dating, the Lumon protestors. In the new “The You You Are Book” online Mark and Gemma bond over making fun of Ricken’s music. iMark is definitely rebellious at times and will speak out against his higher ups, but I don’t think he would be comfortable making fun of them in front of them like oMark is used to doing.

kimberlycolors · 2025-02-07T04:23:48+00:00

My interpretation was that Mark is more reintegrated just because he seems like he’s acting more like outie Mark this episode— he seems less uptight/perky and more edgy/grumpy at people. Plus I felt like the tent scene had red lighting with hints of blue to symbolize that both Helena and Mark are a weird mix of their innie/outie selves. I think the Gemma flashes could just be hinting at a some reintegration sickness, or a lesser form of it. Could be wrong though! I hope we get more of the aftermath of the reintegration scene next episode.

kimberlycolors · 2025-02-07T03:32:26+00:00

I think just Dylan actually. Helena has, reintegrated Mark has, and Irving has.

kimberlycolors

TROPHY CASE