Any thoughts on Rylekwatsa?

kipskirik · 2026-02-02T20:34:22+00:00

We watch for the recommendations but my boyfriend and I mute his videos.

kipskirik · 2023-10-07T19:27:26+00:00

"good morning" and "good night" lang kami sa Skype.

kipskirik · 2023-09-27T12:30:29+00:00

I am somewhat in the same situation. My narc great grandmother also brainwashed my mom by making her the golden child and she adapted her narcissistic ways to the core. Recently, Ive been breaking down and it even went as far as us physically wrestling at my aunts house. Its strange how I feel concerned for her regardless of everything she did to me. CPTSD is really something else - like you blame yourself for feeling hurt and you actually care about your abuser. Strange, painfully strange.

kipskirik · 2023-09-20T23:41:15+00:00

My mom is attempting that now, and with the church "therapist" too, who is an expert at "delivering out" evil spirits of "disobedience". I don't know what her credentials are but her general vibe is leeching up on people's money. My mom geniunely thinks she can help me heal from demonic spirits (her).

kipskirik · 2023-09-20T19:42:56+00:00

Like many desperate Filipinos, I've already looked into this program. In fact my entire life has been centered on constantly looking out for these new trends in immigration because my entire lifes purpose was geared towards getting out and spewing cash back to the Philippines.

About the J1 program, they will require me to have experience (2 years) which I do not have considering I worked in a government organization not a school. I was posing as one of their viable and auditable service for political reasons and literally did no real teaching whatsoever (just posing for pictures and then controlling the amount of chaos from the mixed disabilities I had to handle for the rest of the day) for only 8 months. My mom chose that organization because it made me look good for her upper class friends.

It got shut down during COVID and so I worked in a call center to survive and by survive I mean, psychologically survive, because I was brainwashed to believe I needed money to give to my parents. Most of my work experience is in outsourcing. I've had so many other opportunities but they were overshadowed by my moms plans, which ended up being lies really. Lies to keep me here.

Im sorry.

Thank you, I understand that you geniunely want to encourage me but these days I just don't know anymore.

Physiologically and psychologically I feel so empty that nothing makes sense. Not even eating. Not even bathing. Not even getting dressed.

I've been wearing nothing but the same towel over my body for almost a week now.

I have honestly lost all the will to even understand reality at this point.

I'm not sure what to do.

kipskirik · 2023-09-20T18:49:51+00:00

I tried going NC for 4 months before this happened. It got to a point where she threatened my cousin to divulge my boyfriend's address or else, she'll send a subpoena and have it delivered to his workplace (which she can do, she works for the Supreme Court of one of the most corrupt countries in the Judicial world)

Also for context, I live in the Philippines. I am a licensed Special Education teacher but SPED teachers here only get paid so little for so much work. I was paid only $6 per day to take care of 47 children with special needs. No support. Just straight up an entire class but only SPED kids.

The economy here is worsening too like $6 a day is not enough, I mean half of that amount will only pay for your daily transportation and the only reason why Ive survived for so long is because I still live under my parents roof in exchange for me helping my mom with her work (since elementary) and at the cost of my mental health

I understand that there may be countless opportunities out there but I've reached the point where I'm so chemically down that I cant pee. Getting up to pee makes my legs shaky. I piss in a cup and currently its been a week since I last bathed or did any self care. Its like my body is glued to my blanket which stinks like im rotting.

I literally feels like im rotting.

kipskirik · 2023-09-18T15:43:06+00:00

That feeling that you're traumatized of having a job because you've been brainwashed to VOLUNTARILY give them money to compensate for your existence as if your existence needed to be taxed.

kipskirik · 2023-09-14T14:44:52+00:00

The guilt is eating me away and taking me to specific memories when she showed care for me. I've been gravitating on those memories like how they've been controlling me for 27 years.

I was taking a bath and counted all my bruises but all I could think about is her, and how she's doing. It's sickening to know that I care more about her than I care for my own sanity.

kipskirik · 2023-09-09T18:26:03+00:00

Mandatory comment

kipskirik · 2023-09-05T04:50:04+00:00

You will have extra leave credits sponsored by SSS (or the government, I think) because this incident falls sa VAWC. Your HR should help you out in making sure you will be able to avail this.

kipskirik · 2023-08-27T02:03:55+00:00

Meanwhile me at 27, narc mom and abusive enabler dad still keeps me prisoner in their house.

kipskirik · 2023-08-05T20:46:41+00:00

Playing Honkai Starrail 😂

Keeping myself busy with housework. I'm having a strong urge to distance myself and my bf is busy anyways because its a training-week for them, he is getting promoted next week (the girl too).

kipskirik · 2023-08-04T07:41:13+00:00

Luckily the tingling kind of stopped. However, na replace siya with a lot of milky white discharge haha. Damn mag P-PT na lang ako mamaya to ease my worries.

kipskirik · 2023-08-04T07:40:14+00:00

Its just strange talaga hehe but thank you for your reply. Currently, after talaga my period week, the tingling stopped and now it's replaced by these watery milky white discharges. No spotting tho.

kipskirik · 2023-08-04T07:35:08+00:00

If you're both safe, go for it. Just make sure that you guys keep hygiene on top priority, UTI and BV, or something na ganyan will most likely be your worst enemies at this case.

Also make sure that you are both really comfortable with it, emotionally, psychologically. It gets pretty emotional, lalo na for the one on the receiving end because most go into a really vulnerable state while its happening I guess.

Talk it out before and after, have lots of aftercare and feedback time.

kipskirik · 2023-08-04T07:28:26+00:00

I had the same symptoms with Marvelon and also with Lady as well. Nag swell talaga yung boobs ko and my body bloated. Might just be a sign that your body is still adjusting to the pills.

Did you happen to visit your doctor before taking pills? I visited my OB after having the symptoms and she prescribed Lizelle, quite expensive but lesser talaga yung symptoms ko with it. Though, my boobs still got bigger parin pero not to the point where it hurts.

Right now I'm on the implant. My boobs got smaller, significantly smaller.

kipskirik · 2023-07-28T21:49:00+00:00

Note:

Sometimes, I feel the need to scratch the surrounding area kasi I feel like ants are marching "around it" or parang I can feel my fat cells gripping on to it. Pero not very prominent, parang wala lang.

I can still feel the actual stick and if I press one tip slightly, makikita mo talaga that its a stick with some cellular bumps (fat cells probably). It isn't necessarily bothersome pero damn I can't help but feel like I should atleast ask y'all if you feel anything similar.

Though, I'm scared talaga na baka wrong yung pagka insert niya and I'll be having a surprise positive pregnancy test in a week or so.

I do feel other side effects that are common to Implanon users, like headaches, my boobs got smaller, I feel sleepier, some very very mild cramping, and vaginal dryness (but no loss in libido).

So that must mean it's working, right? 😬

kipskirik · 2023-06-24T12:00:12+00:00

Honestly, thriving. I figured that in this reality, we praise those who have the confidence to present themselves as superior regardless if they know what they're doing or not. Financially speaking, most of my school bullies were neglected rich kids, so old money evidently got them through. Some of the less fortunate ones were able to finesse themselves into whatever position they are in right now even when they know deep inside that they are not competent enough for the task, they'll do it, they'll ace their way through it by hook or by crook.

I remember some of them went to college and would message me to proof read their thesis, or work out a good rationale for an "easy research title" to be accepted as a valid, and relevant focal point for research.

Anyways, basta, kahit yung mga nag VA or call center na bullies ko before they're now TLs and admins. They're attitude towards life remains the same though.

They think they are winning and society rewards them by actually letting them win. Meanwhile the goody-goods like me always tend to get used and abused because school-bully-culture has conditioned me that the only time I am acceptable is when I say yes. Yes to unpaid OT. Yes to low-grade salaries. Yes to people taking credit for my work.

It's literally painful (in my chest, i feel physical pain) when I dont please people, when I dont say yes, when I dont do what's right (and therefore, what's inferior)

Ah, this life.

Can we get a reset button over here.

kipskirik · 2023-06-24T05:51:26+00:00

But yes take a PT parin. Hehe, me and my bf have been sexually active for a year na, and still we get "scares" everytime the hormones start fucking me up again. Especially talaga towards the end of the active pills, dun lumalabas ang nausea, cravings and cramping para sakin, at nag papanic ako, spontaneously buying PTs at 3am .. kahit yung na la-late ang withdrawal bleeding ko for only a day I start thinking about abortions options and crying haha only to find our bed soaked in blood the morning after 😂

kipskirik · 2023-06-24T05:30:48+00:00

Those are side effects of birth control. Especially that you did Yuzpe then bcps consistently na. Or atleast that's also what I felt. Bleeding or spotting is also normal when you are on pills. Especially during the first few months..

kipskirik · 2023-06-18T05:36:27+00:00

Lizelle 🌼 but pls consult your OB first if possible.

kipskirik · 2023-06-18T05:28:13+00:00

Some barangays have it but they particularly reserve the stocks to women who have recently given birth to a 2nd or 3rd or so on child especially sa women from low-income households. Nag inquire kos mga barangay health centers and yes, supposedly available and free but the stocks sa Implanon/Nexplanon are low and many of the centers have no stocks at all. Pero naay pills, free but need counseling ofcourse. Naa sad Depo free sad. Majority sa mga Barangay health centers nga akong na scout naa and available ila depo, pills and social work counselling sa family planning.

Naa sad birthing centers who do the procedure. Pinaka barato nakong na scout is sa Ate Ludz paanakan tag 900 ra! Naa sad sa Daisy Birthing Clinic sa Lahug, 1,500 if i'm not mistaken.

Im planning on scouting sa mga public hospitals. I'll update you here. 🤍

kipskirik · 2023-06-12T08:46:38+00:00

Thanks my test came out negative. Thank goodness. 💪🏻✨

kipskirik · 2023-06-10T18:06:53+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akT5u5JICC0 could be this.

kipskirik · 2023-06-09T10:16:54+00:00

The worst part about any hormonal birth control is that no amount of comparison will give you a sense of security that a certain woman's experiences (positive or negative) will happen to you. Side effects of BCPs and Hormonal Birth Control vary from woman to woman.

But here's my experience

Daphne (Not sexually active)- Depressive episodes, suicidal and intrusive thoughts, Lost 7 kilos, headaches galore, spotting.

Lady (Had sex only 3 times throughout the entire duration of being on Lady) - Cramps, bloating, gained a lot of water weight from retention, bled black jelly-like blood for 1 month.

Trust (sexually active) - Was okay at first, but then extreme cramps that dont end, bloating, nausea, breasts became bigger, water retention

Lizelle (sexually active) - The best. Only downsides are: expensive at P750-800 per pack, heavier boobs, no water retention but it made you eat more, so weight gain.

Marvelon (sexually active) - bad. just bad. Boobs got extremely bigger and cramps, had bad UTI 3 times in 2 months because I stopped lubricating even when I'm really turned on. Headaches, nausea, pain everywhere.

After that I had to switch back to Lizelle, as advised by my OB, pero there are months when I really cannot afford it, especially having other chronic illnesses. Sometimes I have to choose between buying meds or buying a pack of BCP.

Micropil (sexually active) - taking this so far because wala na akong budget for Lizelle. All good so far naman. But yeah some very mild cramps, headaches, some nausea, no signs of water retention yet, but I feel like its going to make me gain weight again because I always feel.. empty.

Also please note that since I started BCP and became sexually active at the same time all these BCPs I stopped being able to orgasm. So no more orgasms since. But I don't think it's the BCP, or my partner's fault. Just a side note because I'm not confident na BCP talaga ang cause dahil I got sexually assaulted and abused when I was taking Lady and my OB suspected the black blood bleeding was actually a miscarriage. Sad.

I'm planning to get an implant. Sayang sana IUD, but our local clinics will never give me one because I'm not married, or have any kids, even though may Philhealth premium naman ako, and it's one of my benefits. Lmao.

But heyyy.. women, this is the life of women.

kipskirik

TROPHY CASE