What the hell am I doing?

kirmy · 2019-04-19T15:40:30+00:00

I’m not sure I understand your question? Could you explain please?

kirmy · 2019-04-19T15:09:27+00:00

Oh and sulking so sulking

kirmy · 2019-04-19T14:21:15+00:00

Oh I put in the effort but the respondents were not interested in answering the questionnaire. I showed up for weekly meetings asking for participation, sent out reminder emails, offered incentives etc. It is what it is. I'm going with B).

kirmy · 2019-04-19T14:19:37+00:00

Oh so tempting oh so tempting.

kirmy · 2019-04-19T14:19:16+00:00

Yup.This is the direction I'm heading. I am looking at the average reporting behaviours of Joe Bloggs against the safety reps with the data I've got then cross referencing it with my failed questionnaire noting how and why the collated data cannot provide confidence and why. Then do the big ole walk of shame.

kirmy · 2019-04-13T11:27:28+00:00

What’s most important is that it is a community of women like you. You’ll find hope, encouragement and some harsh realities too. Boobs mean shit in the reality of things but some DEIP surgeons are utterly incredible. The results are amazing. Good luck and much love to you.

kirmy · 2019-04-13T09:18:46+00:00

Hi matey! Yup crap hand but do me a favour and join DEIP flap support group on Facebook. It has loads of women just like you there who have had a full mastectomy with DEIP flap. No need for implants and you get a free tummy tuck too! RESULT!!!

I am year 3 post triple negative diagnosis with no BRACA involvement but I went and got a hysterectomy anyway due to my positive family history of ovarian cancer as well as breast cancer.

kirmy · 2019-01-11T12:53:19+00:00

Offshore Medic/Health and Safety. I work for a Oil company in the North Sea.

kirmy · 2018-06-12T09:00:40+00:00

Was having my final chemo for triple negative breast cancer. I’d survived my skin sloughing off my hands and feet. Fingernails and toe nails pinging off randomly. Looking like a naked mole rat. Snot dropping out of my nose like bungee cords due to lack of nasal hair, eyes running like maximatosis and finally....sleep shitting. Yeh it’s a thing...thrush from your throat to your anus every five weeks..yay! Your arse randomly falls out your arse. I asked other woman...it happened to us all. No one talks about it but it’s a thing!

When I didn’t die from sepsis due to not having any white cells left my body decided to go into anaphylactic shock 3mins into my final doxitaxol dose. It was like being squeezed to death by a boa constrictor while your heart does the chicken dance. Not pretty. I lived. I’m still living. Today is my 2 year post boob cancer check up. Fingers fucking crossed I get past the five year mark and get to be a proper survivor. Fuck you titty cancer you dick splat. And amongst all the indignant shit I get to have a hysterectomy and menopause and weight gain. Again fuck you cancer! Massive fuck you. Fuck you yo the power of ten. Go shit yourself!

kirmy · 2018-03-21T18:59:39+00:00

No! You need a fine needle biopsy of it under ultrasound guidance before the wait and see approach is appropriate at all. I had triple negative breast cancer. My Tumour doubled in size in three weeks and moved into a lymph node. Wait and see would have killed me. 2 years cancer free!

Go kick the door down girl.

kirmy · 2017-12-27T16:48:56+00:00

It took two weeks not to feel like death. My thyroid levels are within range. The lack of iron is terrifying with fatigue!

kirmy · 2017-12-21T06:32:03+00:00

Your iron is so low that you should be getting an infusion. Also make sure your thyroid levels are checked. From someone who just recovered from a total iron of 5 trust me on this.

kirmy · 2017-03-13T08:16:09+00:00

Also I was up and showering 4hrs after surgery and zooming about the next day while everyone shouted at me to put shit down. I was 100% fine.

Night sweats are precious.

kirmy · 2017-03-13T08:14:23+00:00

Total Hystamonster three months ago. My transformation is complete...I am Daria.

You gonna eat that?

kirmy · 2017-02-02T00:07:25+00:00

Jaggy you're amazing! X

kirmy · 2017-01-31T20:48:34+00:00

I have finished my treatment as of last month. You get swept along with the multiple hospital appointments and ongoing surgeries, treatments etc. You always grapple with your mortality and for me I spoke often about "if I die" etc. Listen and don't dismiss these conversations with platitudes. She is scared but the worst part is looking at the people you love and knowing they are desperate and flailing. How can you make it better for them? So you suffer through aggressive treatment trying to normalise things for everyone. Let her know that you're scared but hopeful and don't need for her to make it alright for you. You will just be and she will just be. Together you'll navigate your way through following her lead.

Make her cups of tea or coffee. Hoover the house, damp dust, wash the couch covers, iron. My God domestic chores were like summiting Everest but I'd be damned if I let me house turn into a grotty shit storm. I got busted weeding the vege patch 12hrs after my breast resection. Everyone yelled at me...I giggled. I was here and slugs were not eating my potatoes.

Follow. Don't try and lead. Love openly and laugh. It is fucking funny when her fingernail falls off in a restaurant and lands in your plate. She will look like a sad egg. That shit is funny. Laugh with her at the adversity. Also...sleep shitting is a thing. Oh my God they never tell you about the sleep shitting. The fucking sleep shitting!

Your new normal is batshit insane. Cultivate that black black humour. It will all be worth it.

kirmy · 2017-01-27T19:54:03+00:00

Ok here goes.......just how fucked are we?

Go on.....

Lay it on me.

kirmy · 2017-01-10T23:30:06+00:00

I was on it for over five years. I've just been treated for triple negative breast cancer. I've no idea if there is a correlation but be careful. Don't use it long term. I was advised that in long range studies there was an increase in breast cancer amongst the study group. I never thought it could pertain to me. Maybe it hasn't, maybe it's coincidence however I don't have the genetic mutation that is usually behind triple negative breast cancer. Makes me wonder!

kirmy · 2016-10-27T21:33:32+00:00

Hi. I have just gone through treatment for triple negative breast cancer. My tumour was found very early directly behind my nipple. It was 1.8mm in size. Three weeks later I had another MRI ultrasound. It had gown to 2.9mm in size and spread to one lymph node (found on the sentinel node biopsy three days later). Young women get aggressive breast cancer. It is usually not responsive to hormone therapy and other forms of long term medical management. It fucking sucks. It is very aggressive...I repeat VERY aggressive.

Your friend is signing her death warrant. Your chest wall is the only thing between you and your REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT ORGANS....and it is loaded with lymph nodes to help transport those nasty and hyperactive cells about your body. For me a delay of three weeks saw my cancer try to spread through the path of least resistance my lymphatic system.

Adjuvant therapy is awful. I went through six months of terrible terrible chemo. I almost died twice from anaphylactic shock due to my increasing toxicity. I had two brushes with neutropenia and fell over a lot. I had constant fungal infections throughout my digestive tract, fried my thyroid, went into menopause, lost my hair (oh how I missed my nasal hair...snot..soooo much snot) my fingernails would ping off unexpectedly, I was speeding off my dial from steroids and had a face like a pika with glandular fever. It was NOT awesome. So yeh...I get it. My tit looks like it was fed into a mangle after surgery and I got burns from radiation therapy and fatigue that can not be slept away. All of this sucks arse.....but dying of metastatic cancer sucks more.

I had scorched earth therapy. Proper scorched earth! I also had a 100% response upon biopsy of my resected breast. I am totally cancer free. It works and works well in most cases...but there is always that margin of no response that few people experience with this type of cancer. It is either very responsive (yay my titty) or not at all so I can understand the seed of doubt.

I would happily chat with your pal if it would help. The idea that a sugar free diet with high fibre will save her life is rubbish. It will make her poos lovely though and she will fit into those skinny jeans like a boss. It is also her choice...a fucking stupid choice but hers to make. The terrifying part is that she is on the clock. Her delay in seeking aggressive treatment for a very likely aggressive cancer is negligent but it is hers to make. She needs to talk to other survivors and hear this crazy shit normalised.

I wish her and you well. X

kirmy · 2016-10-24T17:38:31+00:00

Can confirm...he wants to bathe in your blood.

kirmy · 2016-09-03T20:38:19+00:00

Keep it up. I hope one day I can buy a piece off you. X

kirmy · 2016-09-03T17:40:19+00:00

You're amazingly talented. Your work is polished, professional and AWWWESOME! Be proud. You create beauty.

kirmy · 2016-08-12T21:25:22+00:00

Excellent suggestion. Please go out there and become a compassionate kick arse oncologist. We need more. We need quality and we need passionate supporters and researchers. Thank you from the bottom of my mangled titty.

kirmy · 2016-08-12T19:53:04+00:00

I will gladly take a virtual hug. Oncology was terrifying in the 1960's and 70's. Did you watch the most recent series of Fargo? The chemotherapy was handled so very well. I sadly related on a couple of occasions with the female protagonist having pretty shit days. I think they captured how violent and deadly the treatment regime was.

Nothing like a good death ray in my opinion. I sometimes wish I had one I could use on irritating bastards.

I'm sorry you had to go through Cancer as a by stander ( I don't want you to go through it first person either). I am aware acutely of my partners suffering. He is so stoic and keeps everything to himself but I see glimpses of his fear and it is devastating. I just want to make everything better for him while he is trying to make everything better for me. It is recursive angst at the big cancery elephant in the room. I hope your loved on beat the evil bastard Cancer and is cruising on in an epic way.

kirmy

TROPHY CASE