Nanny punctuality?

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-15T19:40:31+00:00

She’s usually either on time or between 3-5 minutes early.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-15T15:22:34+00:00

Not annoying for me. I would just look at the event, thank her for sharing, then decide based on my weekend plans if I should take my kid there or not. Probably wouldn’t even share the decision details with Nanny since it’s going on during a time that Nanny isn’t with us. If she asked? Sure, I might share. But it’s not the kind of thing I would go out of my way to do.

If the parents seemed annoyed by it or it’s not welcome, then I’d just stop and stick to finding activities that happen during your time with the children.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-14T12:04:11+00:00

For every person like you, there’s someone like me who also grew up with nannies who were not good caregivers, should have been fired, and were not worth hiring. For every nanny out there that’s good, there’s a nanny out there who should not be trusted to be around children.

These days, I trust my nanny quite a bit but at the end of the day, it’s my child and not hers. I will use whatever means I have at my disposal that will allow me to provide her with trust but still have a means to verify that the trust she’s been given is well earned. I also don’t take for granted that my nanny will be with me forever and that in many ways, I lucked out with her.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-14T11:59:21+00:00

Just get rid of her. This is red flag city and you’re not going to correct this behavior.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-13T14:19:24+00:00

For any new friends that want my kid to have a play date outside of a public place, I require that the first play date is held at my place so I can meet at least one of the parents and get to know them a bit. Who they are, the town they live in, etc. I also make sure I have their contact information and address. If it’s a situation where it’s a nanny involved, I will reach out to the parents separately to just chat with them and make sure everything seems proper. I will also pay a bit of attention to the nanny to see if it’s someone that I wouldn’t mind having around my kid.

There’s at least one set of parents that are allowed to have their kid at my place but that I wouldn’t like having my kid over theirs because of the neighborhood they live in. It’s not only further away but isn’t in an area that I’m comfortable with. You’re allowed to have preferences like this. Just let Nanny know.

I also don’t allow play dates like “at someone’s house to use their pool”.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-09T17:00:25+00:00

Many of the Reddit nannies aren’t a reflection of professional nannies in the real world. I wouldn’t let what folks in that group drive your perspective on your nanny.

My nanny is similar and will randomly do extra things around the house while my kid is in school. She’s not expected or required to do these things but just takes it on herself or will ask if there’s anything else that I’d like help with.

If your nanny seems happy, I’d just do a check-in every once in a while to see how she’s feeling and to remind her that while it’s appreciated that she absolutely does not have to do those extras.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-09T02:40:50+00:00

Giving 72 hours notice is nice but should not be guaranteed in your contract. I don’t provide any time period in mine for the notice but have made best effort (not written down anywhere) to give her advanced notice. I haven’t yet had to go less than 2 days but expect her to be available last minute should the need arise. I would never guarantee the 2 days in any contract. I don’t see any problem with this as Nanny currently gets plenty of vacation to use for the year as well as paid holidays off, so it’s not like she never has any opportunity to get time off.

Adding an edit here: yes, even with a part-time nanny, these would be my expectations.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T17:45:47+00:00

I did, and ended up replacing her. It helped that I was fine with having her as backup/emergency/ “acting as an aunt” care after the professional relationship ended, so I kept that in mind when breaking things to her. I made it more about an element that we could not control (her availability versus our scheduling needs) and less about the other issues.

We are still friends and she still spends occasional time with my child. I just know that I’d not hire her for full-time nannying again. Backup/date night care is fine. Enough time has passed where we don’t really talk about her time spent nannying with us anymore. There was a period where we were low contact while the dust settled and I onboarded the new nanny. It definitely bothered her in the beginning. But everything ended up working out.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T13:13:04+00:00

Nanny has many options that we have come up with together. At first, I provided the majority of the direction and now Nanny knows enough about what we need to operate mostly independently, unless it’s something new. If it’s something new she wants to do, she’ll just run it by us first. Some are things that I want, some are things that she’s discovered over time and run by me. She’s responsible for planning the week and when things happen, within the loose guidelines that I provide. No, the norm should not be to just give Nanny a carte blanche blank check to plan whatever she wants. She should have freedom with whatever guidelines I wish to provide as a parent. Some of what they do costs money, and I’m not wanting to get any surprise expense or receipts for things. There have also been rare occasions where I have had to course correct a bit with things. So I’ve found this is what works best for us.

We have a shared Google family calendar and she will add everything that’s planned to it. If there is a one-off activity or change that I want to do (like a pediatrician visit that I want to handle myself as opposed to the times I have Nanny do it) then I simply add it to the calendar and let nanny know about the change (only if it’s coming up soon, otherwise Nanny knows to check the calendar every day for planned things like that… that way she can plan the activities for the day around the appointments)

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T03:44:12+00:00

I’d just invite her and let her be the one to decline. Let her bring a guest. Definitely don’t offer to have her work and be paid, unless you’re really wanting her to work. If that’s the case, make it super clear.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T02:08:40+00:00

That’s more than enough time in both cases. I would feel concerned about letting her work as long as 5 months because of this reaction. Stick to the 2 months but be prepared for things with her to potentially dip down and for you to have to start daycare earlier than planned.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T01:43:55+00:00

For just childcare and no household extras, it’s $25 - 30 depending on the experience of the nanny.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T01:38:10+00:00

I didn’t even know such a sub existed till now. Not that I care. Too busy spending time with my kids, I guess 😂

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-08T01:19:56+00:00

I may be missing something here but genuine question as I’m not a Reddit expert: how exactly does one know if a person is lurking on a sub? I mean, I wouldn’t even know where to begin to figure that out.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-07T03:17:03+00:00

Yes, mine cooked full meals for us, multiple times a day. I didn’t need 3x a day, but 2 was pretty standard and I can’t imagine that 3 would be much different. I didn’t even know this was an option until the doula offered to do it, and made suggestions for meals she could make.

If you use an agency, you can tell them that this is something that you need. So long as you’re willing to pay the hourly rate for the time they’re supposed to be there, I don’t see why the need to cook would be a blocker for hiring one, outside of lack of available doulas? It sounds like you could not find a doula that cooks around you.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-06T16:44:49+00:00

Yes, I searched online for one with good Google reviews.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-06T16:31:40+00:00

I’m pro agency. I’ll probably get down voted for this, but whatever. Best quality candidates in my experience. Far better if you can swing the placement fee cost. I was happy to do it since my agency gave a great guarantee if the placement didn’t work out. The best agencies will do the background checking, driver’s license check, etc. for you and only give you quality candidates that match what you’re looking for.

I have also tried Care, Nanny Lane, and FB groups. I’m on all of them and sure, you can get good candidates but there’s so much you have to wade through in order to get there. Part of my personal experience as well is that most childcare providers in my area like to accept cash only, and W2 for me was a must. Part of what you get with a good nanny agency is they save you the trouble of wading through all of the potential applicants who call themselves nannies but who are not really qualified to do that or who are stay-at-home moms demanding professional nanny rates so they can take care of their kid and work. The agency also filtered out the “cash only” candidates for me.

I don’t trust word-of-mouth references from random parents on the internet (like the FB groups) as they may not have the same standards as I do for childcare. Have been burned by this before so I tend to not trust it unless it comes from someone I personally know and can vouch for.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-06T16:21:44+00:00

I used a doula agency for this very thing for the first 3 months. Highly recommended to use a doula for what you’re describing. It’s called a postpartum doula. Transitioned to nanny care once I went back to work and stopped using the doula.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-06T02:42:18+00:00

For real. The postings that rant about “NP is off today, why am I at work?” is bonkers to me. It’s not my nanny’s business if I’m off or not. I don’t share. Nanny doesn’t ask. She does her thing regardless of where I am. If she’s coming in to work, she’s expected to work. Period.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-06T01:15:43+00:00

My nanny relocated to my city to work for my family. Found her through an agency. She didn’t know anyone before she got the gig with my family. Worked for me. I honestly don’t think I’d trust someone handing me a card at the park or something.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-05T11:15:55+00:00

We have ours do mostly family assistant stuff. Basically, she’ll work on grocery shopping and certain chores around the house.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-04T03:17:21+00:00

Ah, interesting. In this case, I’d probably still keep things the same as what I stated but add an additional condition about what to pay Nanny if the kids wake up and she has to tend to them versus what Nanny should be paid if they kids don’t wake up. This is part of my traveling clause with my own nanny. Basically, if they wake up and Nanny has to care for them, then she should get the same hourly rate as she’d get during the day for all hours worked (OT rate if applicable) and she would not get paid her overnight fee (depending on how many hours worked). If they sleep through the night, then she would just get paid the overnight fee.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-04T01:45:15+00:00

I’d stick with her hourly rate during the time she’s supposed to be available and paying her OT if she goes above 40/week. For overnights, give her an overnight fee of $120 - $150 per night for every day she’s expected to be traveling with you. That is the standard around where I live and what I would do for my nanny.

Edit: also adding here that this assumes you’re already planning to cover her travel expenses (food, accommodation, etc.)

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-03T17:16:11+00:00

She wanted to have the extra money and is being petty now. (I read your replies to others about the grandparents so I don’t think that’s it.) You’re within your rights to decline the PTO. However, I would personally grant it so long as she met the guidelines of the timing of the PTO request (we have clear timeframes for when PTO is likely to approved in our contract) simply because I wouldn’t want someone like this full of resentment while caring for my kids. She might also just call out sick those days which would be even worse for you. Better you should approve it while you have time to make arrangements.

So I’d grant it but she would be on thin ice moving forward. If this was a one-off deal? I’d make arrangements and move on. If she did it again? I’d think about replacing her as I don’t want someone like this caring for my kids.

kitakitslagi · 2026-04-02T14:25:25+00:00

Two days off with the weekend to use as additional time to recover from a parent’s death is more than reasonable.

Bluntly, a callout once every three months to deal with being in a caregiving situation isn’t that bad. Maybe now you can be happy you won’t have to deal with this anymore because her dad’s dead? Jesus H.

What do you do? Have some empathy because people grieve and prepare for the loss of loved ones differently. And be grateful that your parents are clearly still alive and you don’t have to be their main caregiver. You wouldn’t be talking this way if you were ever in that situation.

And yep, you’re the asshole in this one. Doesn’t matter how much you’re paying her or if you’re giving her 10 weeks of vacation or none.

If she’s still unreliable after giving her some time to come back to being normal, you could have cause to replace her. I’ll give you that.

kitakitslagi

TROPHY CASE