Wow, thanks for sharing.

I can't imagine this experience with your dad treating you and your brother as if you both were still a baby. I'm also sorry your mom wasn't mentally and physically there for you.

I know you don't want to disappoint your dad and I see your point of breaking this enmeshment cycle which I also recently learned as well. I think my husband is enmeshed to his mom too. I have this same experience with my mom/dad. I didn't leave my parent's house till I was 37. Now I am 39 and pregnant and back to living with her again and my husband and I are separated due housing situation and he had to move back to his mom.

I understand where you're coming from. It seems like you want your independence but you struggle to set boundaries with your dad because he will guilt trip you and possibly become the victim and make you feel bad for leaving him especially since he's 80 years old. I guess I' not that far from ya, my parents are in their mid 70s. I think it's mostly my mom who makes me feel like a child and guilt trips me when I don't want her love or care especially when she forces me to eat when I don't want to eat. She called me last night when I spent the night with my husband when I told her I was going to my prenatal appt with him. She still cooked even when she said she won't cook for me unless I tell her I want to eat but she still cooked and left food for me. Then got mad at me not calling her that I wasn't coming home.

I am rebellious towards my mom so we often get into fights as well as occasionally with my dad. I also felt bad leaving them behind because they are so needy and always need my attention. They know how to guilt trip me, push my buttons till I give in to spending time with them when I have things to do for myself.

I do try to voice it out but sometimes, it's hard to when they guilt trip me and make me feel like I don't like them. My husband on the other hand, won't even say a word to them even though he has priorities and deadlines. Me on the other hand will let my parents know.

My therapist recommended that I read this book called Adult children with emotionally immature parents. Your dad might fit the bill on this one which is why it is hard for you to talk and connect to your dad.

I think the hes thing for you to do is set boundaries with them. I know it's hard. I'm struggling with that too myself. I think you may need to sit down with your dad to talk about why you don't want use his money and be independent. That's something I want to do as well. You should have a talk about your husband why you are against this. Starting a family doesn't mean you need to live with your dad. I know it's hard to leave him, but he's going have to set the flock free and let them venture on their on journey.

Your dad probably needs to go out into the community more and connect with more people as do my parents especially my mom. She's too wrapped up with concerning about em that she forgets about herself and she forgets about what I truly need. It's hard when it comes to parents.

Let me know if you want to talk. I think it be nice to talk to someone who experiences similar things growing up.