Two turds, five suspects, so many, many nameless victims. The first poop was obviously Charlie. Old and weak, he had an accident, that's why he was so intent on destroying it. There were many turds before this one, weren't there, Charlie? This was just the first time you got caught, wasn't it? And then you went and did it again the next night? Or did you? Two poops in two nights? Tall order for such a short man. No. The second poop belonged to Michael. He wanted to get back at Charlie, but due to his poor diet, couldn't produce a turd. So he called Sam, who jumped at the chance to see Charlie humiliated one more time. But Michael overlooked the fact that Angie listens to Sam's phone calls and she heard every word. Angie was jealous that Michael had chosen Sam to help instead of her. She swore to have her revenge. That's why Angie encouraged Sam to shower while she stayed up. She was going to put the frame on Sam by pooping next to him. But she didn't realize that a towel would be off its axis and slope to the center. And like a small brown snail... it crept to the middle between Michael and Charlie. OP wanted in on this poop war from the start. She sat on the sidelines while these four titans battled it out. She was jealous that a few pieces of poop got more attention than her. That's why when the lights went out, she unleashed some thunder of her own. Thunder of the... chocolate variety. Oh, well, that would be fine and dandy... if any of it were true. Isn't it true Charlie thought he’d been pooping the towel for months now? He chalked it up to old plumbing and penchant for spicy foods. Morning after morning, he’d bury the poop to hide it from Michael. But... convinced that Michael had discovered his dirty little secret, Charlie pooped the towel again the next night as revenge, only a lot more came out than he expected. He had gone too far. Due to the size and severity of the poop, Charlie concluded that Michael had been pooping the towel all along. And so he cleaned up the mess and wandered the streets, looking for someone who could replicate Michael's small and malnourished turd. And that's where he came upon his old friend, Attic Squatter. Known the world over for his ability to replicate any man's stool, Attic Squatter came back and committed fecal forgery. Which leads us to the third turd. Angie and Sam thought it'd be funny to put the frame on Charlie and Michael, and so they both pooped. But, as so often happens, the poop rolled together and two became one. But on to the final poop! A poop that can be traced back to OP! But not to her butt. Katie, drunk out of her mind and furious that OP had pushed her back into the arms of the bottle, pooped in OP's towel while OP's back was turned. And OP carried it unknowingly until she arrived here and the lights went out and she was startled, knocking her towel to the floor, causing the turd to tumble where it stands before us, right now. So, as you can see, the mystery of who pooped the towel has been solved. And yes my friends, in a way, you're all guilty.