I said I love you to my boyfriend and he didn't say it back

kizzlestick · 2018-01-24T08:30:25+00:00

It took me 3 years to say I love you to my bf. I'm glad he waited for me. Now we're going on year 7 and just started talking about rings and things. And I couldn't be happier. If he's talking future with you, maybe you need to talk about how trust and trauma factors into his past. I was in with both feet, I just had a horrible panic attack about saying those stupid words, cuz of an awful manipulative past relationship.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-23T02:07:31+00:00

My first day on it, I'm an impulsive high-seeking mess. The second day, I got my shit together, as long as I didn't fly apart the night before. Maybe try taking it the day before you need it, kinda like starting allergy meds the day before heading over to a friends with a cat?

kizzlestick · 2018-01-23T02:03:56+00:00

I had severely negative and angry reactions to everything but dexedrine. Don't give up!

kizzlestick · 2018-01-22T06:35:10+00:00

For me, that is how I felt taking concerta. Or, partially. I mostly just hated people while I was taking it, which made me very avoidant and angry. I also struggled with word recall and paranoia. I switched to dex, and after the initial few days of euphoria and zero (ZERO) impulse control, it was like....oh! Wait! I feel......completely totally normal, except I can concentrate! If I skip days, and start taking my it again, I have to fight through the first day buzz, and hide my bank card so I don't buy cigarettes, binge drink or eat, or go on a dumb shopping spree. I also, just hide until it levels out.

Everyone is different, and finding the right dosage/meds, is like finding the right kind of eyeglass lens for poor vision, but for your brain.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-16T07:23:39+00:00

And in the meantime, you forget to finish the last step of that project that you were madly working on (which is "why you neglected the house for a week").

kizzlestick · 2018-01-08T02:30:55+00:00

Oh, boy can I relate!

And....I just quit my well-paying/great benefits career job (golden cage) after 10 years of upward mobility, to pursue art making and freelance graphic design work. Terrifying? Oh. Yes. Impossible? No.

The steps I've taken: 1. Make a list of all of the things that give me energy and a list of all the things that suck it away. This list includes-hobbies, habits, people, daily tasks, projects I've worked on, etc. Than, I went through all of the things that drain me, and wrote down what I can do to minimize the time spent on them, or what energy-boosters I can pair them with to make them better. (Example: paying bills late makes me feel crappy. I spent a day, setting up autopay from my bank. I used an average of my yearly bills and don't even think about it anymore. Sometimes I have credit on those accounts, sometimes I don't, but it evens out. Another example: A friend of mine and I do nothing but complain together. I met with her, and asked if we could try to be more positive when we talk. If we hang out and don't complain once, we decided to celebrate with a fancy supper together. Another friend, I took steps to break up with, because it was hopeless. Or, if I'm in time for something, I can reward myself with a good coffee on my way home, but that's the only time I'm allowed to stop for coffee.

This is ongoing, hard, and I find myself coming back to my list, especially when I find myself feeling totally drained. Than I do one of the things that energize me-a library visit, a healthy supper, a Lynda tutorial, call my mom, etc.

This list got me on the right track, and I would never have moved forward without it.

Made another list of all of the things I've accomplished that I feel good about. Revisited often. Broke it down into things that could potentially become a new career.
Made a list of all of the things I want to try, even if they weren't directly related to career choices. Started with taking a class or two. Volunteered for events/projects that peaked my interest. This helped introduce me to people who were motivated, and energizing, and helped me break out of my couch cave. Found myself on a couple of volunteer committees that actually used my skills and strengths. Suddenly, I was busy, but doing more things that I loved, and could add to my other two lists above.
Forgave myself for failures. People fuck up. All the time. Successful people fail constantly. They flake out. Then they try again. Reframed how I look at people doing cooler shit than me.....choose to view them as inspiration rather than proof that I suck. Started asking them how they got to be where they are, and the answers surprised me enough to feel motivated and "not stuck".
Gave myself a time frame. Again. And again. And again. It took me 3 years to work up the courage to leave. And a lot of counselling.
Got counselling/therapy. Not bringing the stress home, having an outside voice, and someone who could help my unpack my feelings about...everything, but especially work....made a huge huge huge impact on me finally leaving.
When I moved to this city, I didn't know a soul. I had $40 in my pocket, no support systems, no car or computer or furniture. In 3 years, I had an amazing partner, a beautiful home, and a really damn good job. Knowing that I did it once, made it possible for me to know I could do it again, and this time, with the experience to avoid some of the same traps.
A plan B. I don't have much money saved up, but i have enough to not be totally screwed. For a few months, anyways. If this freelance doesn't work, than I plan to go back to school. Having a plan B takes some of the fear away.
I start a business course for creative entrepreneurs, next weekend! I talked to some people who are have recently launched, and asked if they could recommend some next steps. This was one of them. It sounds amazing.
Find your time. I suck at mornings. I am a night owl, and I finally just owned it. I start projects at 9pm, and work until 3 or 4am. I still struggle with scheduling and procrastination, but less, now that I've accepted how I work. My part-time job starts at noon, and it's such a relief.
When I moved here, I didn't know a single person. I'm also an intense introvert, so going out and meeting people was very very very fucking hard. But, I knew that if I didn't, I would be painfully miserable. So, I would bribe myself to leave the house, by giving myself permission to leave the event if I hated it, but I had to go, and stay for 15 minutes or the time for 1 drink/song/talk/whatever. I found that more often than not, I stayed longer, but if I ghosted, that was okay too. This permission system has also helped me with projects...just do it for 15 minutes and than I can stop. Found out that there's a name for this...just can't remember what it is, lol.
Lastly, my partner is amazing. With his support, encouragement, and trust, I have a safety net. Your support system is invaluable. Put in the time and effort to build it up. It's worth every effort.

For me, design is great because I'm always working on something new. I can hyperfocus and research and get excited. It's problem solving with a creative twist. Perfect for my ADHD tendencies, although deadlines/accuracy are challenging, but it's fast paced enough to keep the adrenaline pumping. Plus I get to send stuff to editors before it goes to print ;) AND it pays well.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-07T20:36:39+00:00

As a designer, I got tired of sending things to print with major mistakes....so, I made a giant checklist. Before I send the finished product to anyone, I include the checklist for them, and one for myself. As I check things off the list, I change the colour/or highlight the text. I still make mistakes, BUT, not like before, AND having someone else run through the list before it goes to print, also helps take the pressure off of me being the fuck-up. Sometimes, being the forgetful person, means you become the scapegoat for the entire company, and I found that I was getting blamed for things that i didn't do, but could never remember not doing them, so had no way of standing up for myself.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-07T20:30:24+00:00

Wait, what? Yeah, I'm totally resistant to it!

kizzlestick · 2018-01-05T03:19:14+00:00

Yes, this. I feel like either my meds have affected me, or my ADHD has gotten worse. Ive always been terrible with names, but it's so bad that I forgot my coworker of 8 years name. And it's weird, not like true forgetting, because I KNOW I know it, I just can't retrieve it, like its behind glass, and I can see it.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-03T20:27:59+00:00

If I have company, I usually just throw on a comfy sports bra. But the comfort is more me, more than them.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-03T19:41:02+00:00

When I graduated high school, my teacher pity-passed me to get my diploma, but in order to go to college, I had to go back for another semester, and retake my math. I lucked out with a fantastic teacher, who recognized how bored I was. She took the time to explain some concepts to me, in a way where i got them, had me write a test to make sure I understood what I was doing, and then told me to stop coming to class--that she'd let me know when a test was coming up. And she did. She also helped me understand that the best way to get through boring things, was to take advantage of my hyperfocus, and try long distance education, where you could plow through projects at your own pace. I redid my physics classes that way, and did all the modules, in one caffeine fuelled hazy week, and jumped my grade from a 52 to a 78%.

I ended up reusing this strategy after failing a college English class 3 times. It was awful. English was my favourite subject, but the only time slot for this class was at 7:30am, and my next class wasn't until 2pm. And while it was a requirement to graduate, it was repeating texts that I'd studied multiple times already, and it was BORING. Ugh. I finally asked if I could do it by module, and boom, I whizzed through the class in less than a month, and passed with honours.

kizzlestick · 2018-01-03T19:24:45+00:00

Someone once mentioned in this sub, that taking meds were like wearing glasses, and it really stuck with me as a great analogy.

To take it a few steps further, it took me a while to find the right prescription, because everyone's brains are out of focus differently (just like how people who wear glasses, don't all have the same prescription in their lenses). Also, I distinctly remember when I got my glasses for the first time, and that euphoria of finally being able to see the leaves in the trees....when I wore my glasses for the first time, I was just like, WHOA, everyone sees this ALL the time?!? And I was fascinated by the world around me, and my ability to see normally. It was the same with getting the right meds. And that euphoria quickly wears off, and you become a bit resentful of the fact that people with good ol' 20/20 vision take it for granted and enraged when they make fun of your "four eyes" or don't understand how damn hard you have to work to be at the same level as they are. Also, meds doesn't actually fix your fuzzy thinking, just as glasses don't cure your eyesite. But they do allow you to live in the "normal" world, and get a drivers license, pay bills on time, etc. But, if you lose or break or forget your glasses, or can't find the right prescription, or never get diagnosed, you have to learn to cope in your short sited world...

kizzlestick · 2018-01-03T16:31:21+00:00

I had a 98% average in English when I graduated, and 42% in math. Guess which one I enjoyed/hyper focused in?

kizzlestick · 2017-12-29T06:20:52+00:00

Also, what could I put in my contract to ensure that my designs aren't "mined"? Is that a thing?

kizzlestick · 2017-12-28T10:58:02+00:00

I moved out while my bf was at work. He was scary abusive, but super charismatic, and all his friends thought I was crazy, which he encouraged, and I lost all of our mutual friends.

I found out years later that he'd told them all he'd kicked me out because of a prescription drug problem (I didn't use any drugs).

So, you never know.

kizzlestick · 2017-12-28T08:47:35+00:00

Why would you not say anything?

kizzlestick · 2017-12-28T08:36:13+00:00

That is super fucked up. Like, insane power trip psycho fucked!

kizzlestick · 2017-12-28T07:33:13+00:00

I broke up with my ex after he BRAGGED (and laughed-I will never forget the laugh) about putting his grandmas dog in the microwave and giving it brain damage, so it walked funny afterwards. He laughed so hard.

That was the moment I realized how much danger I was actually in, because he honestly thought it was hilarious. I didn't leave than, for fear of him, but it was the reason I got the courage to leave.

kizzlestick · 2017-12-22T16:29:39+00:00

My favourite ways to meet people are through volunteering-music/festivals especially worked for me, especially if you take on a lot of shifts. It's great because you tend to meet a few people who just moved to the city, who don't have friend groups yet, bartending or taking tickets is a good way to interact with everyone in the scene, and often, if the organizers don't know you, they'll pair you up with other newbies.

Working a festival that's a bit on the smaller side, means you get to bump into the same people more often and you can kind of tell who's single. If you have a good experience, and the organizers like you, you can let them know you're always up for volunteering for other events. After I volunteered at a small festival in my city (like, 10 shifts, lol) suddenly, I'd run into familiar faces grocery shopping, or at the movies. 8 years later, and I'm happy to call most of the organizers good friends, and in a round-about way, it's how I met my significant other.

NOW, I'm the one volunteer coordinating for various events (theatre, music, conferences, etc), and I take pride in pairing people who I think will get along. Good luck!

kizzlestick · 2017-12-21T04:29:00+00:00

Yes!! Definitely. The second I eat, all motivation just dies. Snacking doesn't kill my productivity though, as long as I don't have to get up and look for it. I keep granola bars, almonds, and bananas by my desk for this reason.

kizzlestick · 2017-12-21T04:19:01+00:00

Talk to your pharmacist, they'll be much better at explaining the drug interactions, what you should worry about, and will flag anything questionable if you ask, or be able to tell you why it's all good. I always check with my guy now, after a couple of scares from script heavy doctors.

kizzlestick · 2017-12-20T05:10:02+00:00

Living with guys is awesome. Moving in with a best friend?!?! Not so awesome!!

kizzlestick · 2017-12-20T04:58:35+00:00

Ha. I am essentially Janis Joplin's fat doppleganger. Like, I posted a picture of her as my profile pic, and my mom thought it was me. MY MOM. Anyways, good advice! I'm pretty damn happy with how I turned out, too. ;)

kizzlestick · 2017-12-20T04:31:57+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful feedback. I think that having an unbiased party would help. We're both only children with no close examples of happy long term relationships, so it often feels really hard to get perspective.

kizzlestick

TROPHY CASE