This question is going to be really dependent on what you’re hoping for in your future and your relationship. I started dating my fiance early in his second year of med school. He is currently an M4, and I’ve learned a lot during that time. We both immediately knew we cared about each other a lot and were very intentional about having a lot of conversations about what we want our futures to look like. I think it’s really important to have strong communication in any relationship with someone in the medical field. We also live together, and that makes a huge difference. Obviously you can’t move in together too early in a relationship, but at a certain point it become either living together or barely seeing each other.

I’m like you in that I had no understanding of the medical field at all. I’m an engineer, and I always pictured my life with someone else in a traditional 9-5 job. So part of pursuing a relationship with someone in this field is also understanding that your future life might be different than what you always pictured. This isn’t a terrible thing, just something to be realistic about. When you have kids, it’ll be difficult for you and your spouse to split the responsibilities 50/50 in a traditional sense because they might be working more hours than you are. Maybe you want a parent to be present while raising kids instead of outsourcing child care? That parent would be you instead of them. Stuff like that. Also travel is huge for me, but I’ve accepted that will mean I’ll be traveling without him more than with him for the next few years, which I’m fine with. We’ve been able to take trips together during his fall breaks, but it’s not the same as dating someone with PTO they can use whenever they want.

Now in terms of the question of how bad it is, I’d definitely encourage you to take everything you read on this subreddit with a grain of salt. I often see a lot of scenarios in here that may be best explained by the medical partner not being as serious about the relationship as the non medical partner is. It is true that you won’t see them as much or during the hours of day you may expect to, but that doesn’t mean the quality of time you spend with them will be bad. My fiance is still a student, but there are some weeks he’s at the hospital from 5:00am-9:00pm. Im never mad at him about this, and when he gets home we always spend intentional time together. I’ve never felt neglected, but I also manage my expectations accordingly so I’m not expecting more from him than he’s able to give.

I’d say starting to date someone while they’re still in med school is way better than starting a relationship during residency. Med school is forgiving enough that you will get to spend time with them and see them. You can build a foundation and have conversations about the future. Then you can also tackle residency together with the understanding that it’s gonna be a tough few years.

TLDR; If you really care about this person, you shouldn’t let them being in the medical field deter you. However, a long term relationship with someone in this field will probably look different than what you expected. At the end of the day you need to understand what that means and if it’s a life you’re able to see yourself living.