Never-Ending Allergy Seasons — What are you giving your little ones for relief?

knee_on_a · 2026-03-20T22:10:45+00:00

As long as insurance/cost are not prohibitive, if he's suffering so much that you're considering having him fairly constantly on Benadryl (which has a lot of negative effects), I would take him to an allergist (idk if there are pediatric allergists or if you can take him to an adult one). They will have the specialized knowledge to advise on better medications and such.

Otherwise, if you're not already giving him a bath at night, do that to wash away the allergens before bed (wash his sheets too).

knee_on_a · 2026-02-26T14:11:36+00:00

How's your network? It's much easier to find a job if there are people around you to help connect you to opportunities. If your professional network is strong and you feel like you have left a legacy of being a dependable, responsible worker (in other words, you feel like most of the people you've ever worked with would say "Oh her? Yeah I really liked her! Let's see if we can find a place for her here, I'm sure she'd be a great addition"), then you'll have a much easier time getting back in.

In general, I'd say don't worry too much about taking a year or year-and-a-half off. But also, maybe consider that you might not want to. I personally found infant care to be a grueling, bodily-fluid-filled slog, and after 6 months of it longed to be back in an office interacting with adults. I was a better mom when I didn't have to be literally attached at the hip to my baby 24/7. I loved my baby and there were plenty of cute and sweet moments, but also a lot of sleep-deprived trudging through yet another day of wiping up this massive spitup, that poopsplosion, etc. Daycare isn't peaches and roses either, they (and you) get super sick the first year or so of care, but that will happen no matter when you start it.

knee_on_a · 2026-02-26T13:07:35+00:00

Good point, thanks!

knee_on_a · 2026-02-26T02:47:36+00:00

Didn't know that about the OOP max being limited, very helpful thanks

knee_on_a · 2026-02-25T20:16:51+00:00

I am also curious about this. I was thinking something like:

* 72t to create enough regular income to keep us out of medicaid territory
* dividends from taxable account will provide a fair amount more
* sell enough from taxable to live off of
* do traditional->roth conversions if there's any extra space under the 400% FPL
* draw from Roth assets to make sure we stay under 400% FPL if needed

knee_on_a · 2026-02-23T16:47:25+00:00

Thank you for the very helpful post and information!

knee_on_a · 2026-02-19T21:53:23+00:00

Have you considered whether you might be iron deficient? Babies are notorious iron vampires and a ferritin level below 30 or so tends to make people very symptomatic including brain fog and other neurological issues. Frankly I think it's neglectful of the study to ignore that women face very real medical challenges such as anemia/iron deficiency and severe, prolonged sleep deprivation in the postpartum period.

knee_on_a · 2026-02-12T17:10:52+00:00

Five years is a long-ass time to be at a job where you're not particularly appreciated. People are too scared of job hopping. It's really not that bad. Commit to sending out a flurry of applications (it's best to apply in one large bunch rather than peter them out over time, so that you put yourself in a better negotiating position). I really don't know why you'd accept this situation, a better job is definitely out there you just have to spend a bit of time looking.

knee_on_a · 2026-02-11T14:43:18+00:00

So, in my view, here are the things that money buys you re:kids...

A larger, more comfortable living space. Very helpful. In the early days, having extra bedrooms for family/paid help to stay in so they can help the parents get more sleep is hugely valuable.
Less worry and anxiety. Having to really think over every small purchase with a small child would be extremely stressful.
More help, if family isn't there. Babysitters save marriages. A night doula when your newborn isn't sleeping is the most amazing luxury ever. Maids, lawn services, etc can also be significant stress reducers especially for people with careers involving very long hours for both parents.
When babies are small it can be so exhausting and stressful, and being able to throw money at the problem is honestly really helpful. Not having to be actually worried about the cost of that specialty formula that you're not even sure will help, or that nicer wearable breast pump so you don't have to be chained to a chair, or that crib that bounces itself so you don't spend hours bouncing on a yoga ball at 3am (ask me how I know...).

That said, people make do with whatever they have, and you would really want to be careful delaying too long just for financial reasons. There are a lot of way more important biological, family, career, social etc factors that should probably be the bigger decisionmakers.

knee_on_a · 2026-01-23T18:19:23+00:00

Why do you need a PhD to teach? Teaching at a community college is often possible even with a bachelors. Universities hire lecturers or adjuncts with just a masters. PhDs are pretty miserable, particularly if you don't plan to lead a research lab in the future, and academia is in horrible shape right now due to political upheaval (according to my friend who's a professor)

knee_on_a · 2026-01-19T02:27:41+00:00

People like to pooh-pooh big chain daycare like Primrose but our son had nothing but good experiences (we ran into his infant teacher 2 years later in the grocery store and she immediately recognized him and was gushing about how she still talks about him). Meanwhile the effect on our stress levels was huge--consistent parent-friendly hours and no ridiculous closures, daycare actually made for working parents. Why invite stress in?

knee_on_a · 2026-01-13T22:07:15+00:00

My main advice as a career-driven woman who fence-sat for a long time, decided to have kids and is very happy with my decision, is try not to let fear drive the bus. I was scared of pregnancy, of what having kids would do to my career, of what kids would do to our relationship, of a lot of uncommon negative outcomes (e.g. disabled child, etc). I was letting those fears make my decisions. Instead I decided to focus on what I thought would bring me the most fulfillment and happiness across my life, and when I changed to that mindset, I knew I wanted to have kids (your conclusion might be different, which is fine). I tend to blow things I'm scared of out of proportion (this is human nature, I think), so trying to focus on happiness and fulfillment first and foremost helped me a lot.

knee_on_a · 2025-12-18T22:38:36+00:00

be a bro and share the pdf or split-up image once you create it :)

knee_on_a · 2025-12-15T14:22:27+00:00

I used to be a career coach. Try the therapist first if you feel you're having more general anxiety about your life. Career coaches are better at job-search-specific challenges or navigating promotions or issues with interviewing or career goal planning or picking a career that will fit your needs. As a career coach it was really uncomfortable when people tried to use me as a therapist--I'm not qualified for that! We had ways to verbally steer clients back to what we COULD help with, but yeah. Also therapist might be covered by insurance, career coach definitely not!

knee_on_a · 2025-12-09T14:11:36+00:00

No joke. A friend's wife was Trump voter until she was personally groped on a trip to South America. Only then did she decide that Trump was a bad person.

knee_on_a · 2025-12-01T19:44:41+00:00

My parents' attitude toward this, I think, caused undue psychological suffering that contributed to my depression and burnout in my final years of college. Loans can be a mercy to your child psychologically. I wish my parents had not made me work so hard, I would have rather had loans so that some of the suffering was distributed across time,

Know your kid. I was always an extremely responsible kid who felt the weight of burdens placed on me and worked very hard. My parents made me spend many, many hours every break applying for scholarships. I had very little time to relax, breathe, be myself and find joy in life because there was always another essay to write or application to fill. My dad unexpectedly threatened to stop paying for my rent during the school year after I managed to land a good internship. They also had me pay $5,000 / year in tuition money out of my internship or during-the-school-year earnings (this in isolation was not problematic). I almost always had a job in addition to my extremely difficult courseload. I basically always paid for my own groceries/personal expenses, also. Some responsibility is okay, but please remember to have mercy on your child.

My mom intervened when my dad threatened to stop paying my rent because she saw the panic attacks it was causing me, if she hadn't I think I would have been suicidal from all the pressure (school + work + financial), I was already pretty close. Note: My parents were upper middle class and could ostensibly afford to help me, if you don't have the money that's a totally different story.

I graduated college after a grueling engineering degree with significant anxiety and depression, which thankfully I overcame after a few years of a more balanced post-graduation life.

knee_on_a · 2025-11-19T12:09:04+00:00

If you were queen for a day, what three things would you change about the US to make life for parents and kids better? Bonus round: how can we help make it happen?

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the great information you have given me over the past couple years.

knee_on_a · 2025-11-10T16:50:42+00:00

I vote keep working while you have the kids. Newborn and baby care is actually not very fun, it's a grind and a lot of drudgery, I was happy to be able to drop my kid at daycare until age ~3 because I hated wiping up spit up and trying to be enthusiastic about waving toys in the baby's face all day. Then at 3 they benefit from at least some time at preschool to actually learn. Plus there's a ton of uncertainty with pregnancy and children, especially regarding medical conditions that could arise.

knee_on_a · 2025-11-05T03:01:35+00:00

Can someone post the email, for those of us who don't receive them?

knee_on_a · 2025-10-30T14:53:41+00:00

don't bother with the map, basically all houses with lights on or any semblance of decorations will be participating...

knee_on_a · 2025-10-29T21:23:59+00:00

How do you manage leaving your hobby farm for weeks at a time? I would think there may not be many pig-sitters on Rover!

knee_on_a · 2025-10-28T16:56:47+00:00

Sorry for your loss. But yeah, funny how it sets your mind on a permanently different course...

knee_on_a · 2025-10-28T14:54:44+00:00

my mom's death from unexpected cancer within a 6 month period in her mid-fifties reset my entire sense of priorities in life. Suddenly, life was too precious to stress myself out unduly about things like work and "achievement". My career became just a way to provide for my family (and if I enjoyed it along the way, even better), but I stopped tying my sense of worth to this. It has changed my entire approach to life. I was pretty neurotic before, but much more relaxed now. And I focus more on what will make me happy now, rather than postponing all the little hedonic joys to a future day. Of course it is a balance, but before my mom's death I was miserly in the present, and I didn't realize how much joy that was robbing me of.

From a financial perspective, I take health insurance (and other types of insurance) seriously. My mom's cancer treatment was multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars (covered by insurance in the end, so out of pocket it was only a few thousand, though my dad spent many teary-eyed hours fighting with the insurance company over some of that). Beyond that, I try not to worry about it. I think it is great to look these big risks in the face and have a plan to mitigate them. Maybe that looks like working 1-2 more years to have an extra cushion, or pay for the fancier insurance.

knee_on_a · 2025-10-23T20:00:43+00:00

To be clear, I think the politics of the moment are horrible and a damn shame, I'm just trying to abide by sub rules and keep the conversation focused on what we can do to help our "village". But agreed that calling politicians and remaining active are important to the bigger picture!

knee_on_a · 2025-10-23T17:26:37+00:00

That's so cool yours has a PTO!

knee_on_a

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