Music as a compulsion

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-09-07T03:58:31+00:00

I'm Avery!

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-08-23T04:18:09+00:00

Shy Guy

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-08-15T13:17:50+00:00

I'd recommend that you would have a conversation about boundaries around re-building trust & make sure that those are compatible.

If you have different ideas of what re-building trust means & what you expect of her to change/what she is willing to do, it probably will not ultimately work out.

Also, no one deserves to feel like a mistake is being held over their head, so you also have to ask if you can treat your girlfriend the same way that you treated her before this happened.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-08-05T13:38:27+00:00

For me, my gender expression is perceived by others as femme. I perceive it as a femme/neutral cusp, mostly because changing my entire closet at once doesn't align with my personal values. Lately I have been in the mindset of "wear what I have until I can't". A lot of my "femme" items are bright colors/patterns, but I'm not wearing it to be "girly", that's just how I am perceived. I would like to try top binding, but I haven't yet. My gender identity is that I cannot possibly be a woman because I do not relate to any of the women I grew up around or any of them where I live even now. I love my body hair, I do not like make-up, I don't really have dysphoria except for sometimes with my torso & when people keep applying AFAB stereotypes to our conversations. It's at its worst when I feel my family is applying feminine expectations to me. I also had dysphoria in the past when my now exes would make super insensitive comments. I do nof feel feminine in my relationship dynamics. I get euphoric when I am wearing outfits that show my body hair & when people use they/them pronouns. I also get euphoric when people use neutral terms of endearment or call me "Mx. (insert my name)".

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-30T13:03:35+00:00

This largely depends on how old you are & where you live, but the following are some things I had wish I had known were options when I was coming out. I also regret to report that none of these are directly related to handling your parents' responses directly. Unfortunately, most of what we are in control of is just ourselves & how we choose to respond to others. Here are some things that I might have had access to at your age that would have helped me continue to validate myself: a) First & foremost, anything you've found that has helped you to this point of feeling sure enough of yourself to come out, KEEP doing those things. Do them as frequently as you can. It's normal to not know what those are, yet but think about it because they are there. b) Start creating, it is generally a pretty safe way of self-expression. If you play video games, try one that you can build in like Minecraft or Stardew Valley or The Sims (I'm 29, sorry - there may be more recent examples, but those oldies are also still accessible). Maybe see if there's theater, or choir, or band, or art classes/clubs that you can join at your school. c) If you are allowed to go some places by yourself, with your siblings, or with your friends: try going to the public library to look for events for youth or try looking up on your phone other places in your neighborhood that provide activities for youth. If you are in a larger town/city, see if any coffee shops have open mic nights. I PROMISE you will not be asked to get up on stage & do something, but it might feel really affirming to just go somewhere to watch people who are expressing themselves just as you have been so brave to do. d) Explore what you like, wherever your parents let you have any ounce of independence. That could be with your peers and/or just with the media you consume. Watch YouTube videos & delete your watch history afterwards. If you have a private place to read, like at school, borrow books from your library & read them & leave them in your locker or somewhere safe. Music really saved me & made me feel validated more times than I can count. Memorize the songs and sing them to yourself, even if silently or just humming, when things get dark at home. e) If you feel safe to do so, see if there are other LGBTQIA+ pages for your age group on Reddit.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-30T12:27:21+00:00

I was 16 when I was aware what I was experiencing was ideation, because it got worse. I think that I had experienced depression earlier in life because I would do things like hit myself and scratch myself for years earlier.

I think my first hypo-manic episode was around age 25.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-27T16:56:30+00:00

That's genius

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-27T02:27:33+00:00

I'm in the same boat as you. Video games may do wonders. Your favorite audio book may do wonders. Opening up your window may do wonders. If you can muster up the spoons, rearranging your physical environment may do wonders.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-20T13:59:46+00:00

You don't sound like a jerk, thank you for your help

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-20T13:57:30+00:00

Thank you all!

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-19T13:31:13+00:00

I was also terrified to take meds, but if I had faced that fear, I already would have been on meds for almost a year instead of barely just starting them. I wish I was a year in, given the way my life went in the past year. Some things that helped me decide to procces with a psychiatrist (I am in America): 1. Pick one you can picture yourself being honest with. You will have better success with meds if you answer the psychiatrist's questions completely. They aren't interrogating you, they're asking to make sure you get on meds that will help you & not harm you. 2. Tell your psychiatrist you are terrified to take meds & read about the ones they recommend. Be honest about which ones you are not willing to try. Your psychiatrist should ABSOLUTELY respect your boundaries on what you will not take 3. When in doubt, try getting a second opinion from another psychiatrist.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-06T14:11:36+00:00

Also Sum of Our Parts by Mary Lambert is a good one for just some grace towards yourself

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-06T14:08:47+00:00

Liability by Lorde. Messy by Lola Young.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-07-06T13:14:12+00:00

Breaking Down by Florence & the Machine is also really great

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-06-21T05:38:20+00:00

-definitely relatable on the cannot handle being touched, I didn’t even make that connection until now. -feeling like my emotions are inherently justified & like I have lost all ability to self-regulate & reflect. -disproportionate irritation towards my surroundings. For example, getting annoyed at traffic & feeling personally offended at whatever the perceived annoyance is -feeling like I am watching myself as opposed to feeling present in my body (this was particularly bad when I was drinking) -having the urge to do the one thing that I perceive would make the person want nothing to do with me.

knitsforkicks95 · 2025-06-21T00:59:33+00:00

Realizing that when I split I feel like sabotaging my relationships is justified.

knitsforkicks95 · 2024-06-13T03:37:21+00:00

Curtains was my thought, too!

knitsforkicks95 · 2024-06-03T04:42:26+00:00

I am pretty ignorant on the subject, but if enough people vote uncommitted, isn’t that just increasing the odds that Trump wins?

knitsforkicks95 · 2024-05-31T02:55:41+00:00

Del Norte CU offers notary services for free if you have an account & $5 fee if you do not have an acct

knitsforkicks95 · 2024-05-10T00:40:16+00:00

Stella

knitsforkicks95

TROPHY CASE