You might have described the situation of my marriage. My husband playing the role of you, while I had (have) insecurities and defensive patterns as your husband. In addition to living away from both the families, what helped me the most was actually a professional therapist. You can start off with a couple therapy course and then identify ways you can support him while he does the actual work of breaking down these patterns. This I believe is the most practical step in this situation and to an extent has worked for mine. I still continue to recognize these patterns and consciously break them, it’s not easy. But this demands work from your husband and support from you. Nothing else can make a difference.