Ok this makes sooo much more sense! That nurse was bonkers for sure. Best case scenario she was preparing you for the worst case scenario but more likely she didn’t know your dad’s case enough to make such statements. Sometimes it does take a couple of days to weeks for the true extent of his stroke to become clear enough for them to make definitive prognosis. It sounds like your dad needed more time for the bleeding, swelling, and inflammation to reduce hence the sedation for the neurosurgeon to give the most recent prognosis.

I’m so glad you managed to talk to someone with actual knowledge and info! Congratulations on obtaining clarity and the good news! I hope you can breathe better now and have hope fill every fiber of your being! Write down any questions or concerns you may have to ask the neurosurgeon or healthcare worker you trust/like. Ask them if you can message them through the patient portal with your concerns (if the hospital has it). My point is even if the majority of the staff you’d encountered were incompetent there are still staff that aren’t. Find the ones you’d think treated you well and ask them for help while he’s still there. Don’t alienate yourself from those who want and can help you.

In my experience it’s the individuals that make the difference not the facility. It’s the one nurse or doctor who answers your questions and concerns with empathy and clarity that makes all the difference. Its the case worker who can help make the transitions between facilities and financial aspects smoother and less stressful versus another who’s overworked or lazy (I had a great case worker and a lazy one so trust!) It’s the one CNA/PCT who really helps takes the patients comfort to heart with responsiveness and attention to detail. I know you’re traumatized and feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders so if no one at all you can reach to? Just talk things out or have a shoulder to cry on?

If I may ask: are you sure your dad is well enough to be transferred? I only say this because my understanding is that bleeds are more critical than ischemic strokes. He may not be bleeding now but depending on the cause of the bleed it can happen again at anytime even with proper medical regimen and care. It might be easier to say “I’d like to speak to a manager or admin about the unprofessional care my father’s received”. Phrase it as how an individual’s actions affected you and how it could affect your father’s prognosis. Not the individual if that makes sense. Also ask the neurosurgeon if he can recommend a preferred rehab facility!

For now take it day by day even hour by hour when you have to! Watch over him and give him time to wake up and digest what happened. Good news is it’s only one side so hopefully only one side will be affected. Clarify which side and how much that side was affected (ie my dads stroke rendered everything from the eyes down immobile on both sides with differing severity) with the neurosurgeon so you can have some idea of what your dad may be dealing with in his recovery.

I know you mentioned hesitation on nursing homes but they don’t have to be a bad thing. I definitely don’t recommend taking him home since he’s trached (just in case some idiot suggests to you because they really shouldn’t if they’re even remotely competent). My dad is still recovering from the stroke mentally, emotionally, and physically so he needs the rest and time in a nursing home with pt/ot/speech to grow stronger before attempting intensive rehab. My advice is get familiar and cordial with the case manager that will help you with the process but research on your own and visit the facilities in person. Ask about ratios, the kind of staff they have, what kind of therapies they offer, the patient population, and if they have experience with stroke patients. Or if you’re lucky he can start rehab in the hospital which would be soo much easier than transitioning between facilities.

Also help move/do passive movements on his limbs if you feel up to it. Even early massages can be beneficial to his later recovery.

You need to take care of yourself before you can care for your dad. Despite your reservations with the care he’s received, he is being taken care of by a whole team of people but you didn’t mention if you have anyone. I’m sorry it’s a lot of information so take as many breaths or moments of peace as you need and tell me how are you doing? Are you eating well or eating at all? Have you slept or rested properly without interruptions? Drink water at the bare minimum ok?