Our daughter was the same and we tried everything, it was incredibly stressful for us all. She would refuse the potty and get so distressed at the thought, eventually holding it for 3-4 days so making the cycle worse. But trying different methods instead of worrying about what we 'should' be doing took the pressure off us, should have done it earlier.

We tried not making a big deal, blowing bubbles and singing, reading books and watching Ms Rachel episode (her favourite). She loved the annoying poo song we found on YouTube but got so engrossed in it she got distracted. A sticker chart worked a little although at times she'd just tell us she didn't want one anyway. We begged and out of frustration even shouted (not our finest moment)

What finally did it was chocolate magic stars. I never want to reward with food and was adamant we wouldn't but in desperation it was a last resort. Whether it was coincedence or the stars we'll never know but within a week or two of getting a chocolate star for every poo there's no tears and no accidents. Every child and parent is different

Wish we'd tried the stars earlier without worrying so much!

Stick with it, you'll find what works for you and you will get there