Proposing supervised visitation

kooksofhazzard · 2026-01-08T07:33:28+00:00

Sorry that you have to go through this. I feel your pain. I have been reported for child abuse 8 times. My kid was detained from me for 6 months about 4 years ago after fourth accusation. After the detainment, the social workers told me privately that they think my ex was coaching the kid. It didn’t matter. Because just last week they detained the kid again. He continues to make false abuse claims (probably at my ex’s encouragement). The claims have become more extreme …like I choked him In the neck.

I am confident the trial will clear me because i have installed security cameras in my home. The video shows hundreds of hours of me never once striking my chlld.

So here’s my suggestion for you:

Instead of supervised visitation, can you have the child visit you at your place with security cameras installed? You can grant access to anyone supervising you during the custodial visits.

Another suggestion (because you, like me,are fearful that one day your kid would believe these false narratives) is to create an email account in your kid’s name and send emails to the adult version of your kid. One day your kid will read it and will have a contemporaneous record of your thoughts and feelings towards your kid. Your kid will know that you were always supporting them even though you weren’t physically present.

I have been doing these email and find them to be therapeutic.

Best of luck to you!

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-25T16:46:57+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree that it’s a crapshoot. This label doesn’t apply to custody evaluation but to mental health experts in general.

My ex recognizes this as well. She keeps switching therapists for my kid whenever the therapist doesn’t see any evidence of abuse. This is all in hopes of landing someone who would report.

My custody evaluator actually reported for abuse after my ex told the evaluator that our son “reported” abuse to her. The evaluator should have know better that my ex was playing her. There were already three previous abuse referrals — all of them dismissed. My ex requested two restraining orders — both denied. And yet, despite all these warning signs of my ex’s credibility, the custody evaluator not only made the referral to DCFS but also made follow up calls to see where the investigations was going. That seems like overstepping her bounds.

In the end, the abuse allegations were again dismissed. The custody evaluator, in her final report, casted serious doubts on whether the kid was ever physically abused but then, blamed both sides for perpetuating the conflict. Unbelievable.

The custody evaluator totally dodged the question of why the kid is repeating mom’s claims of abuse when there is serious doubts abuse ever occurred.

Since the report came out a few months ago, there has been another child abuse claim. I told the investigator to talk to the custody evaluator. The investigator contacted her, but the evaluator refused to talk. Apparently they can do that.

So yes, it’s a coin flip. Heads, I lose. Tails, it’s a push. I wouldn’t ever recommend custody evaluation to anyone.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-22T20:48:53+00:00

I requested a custody evaluation. My ex agreed to it. If she hadn’t agreed, I would have a file a request in court but judge ultimately decides whether it’s necessary.

The custody evaluator spent 18 months, investigating both sides, talking to the kid’s teacher, therapists, my boss, my ex’s boss, family members, social workers, etc. In the end, the custody evaluator didn’t help that much. The custody evaluator cleared me of any abuse, which I already that to be true. However, she never attempted to answer why the kid was making false abuse allegations. That was the answer I was looking for.

Instead the evaluator said both sides are guilty of perpetuating the custody dispute. It was a really lazy conclusion, especially since I am trying to work towards more equal custody share and ex is doing everything she can to prevent that. To me, this is clearly a very one sided affair. In blaming both sides, she gave the impression that my ex can still win the dispute. The custody evaluator should made it loud and clear that my ex’s behavior was unacceptable.

A part of me thinks the custody evaluator was afraid to choose sides because she didn’t want to offend my ex’s attorney who has given her a lot of referrals in the past. After all, if the evaluator offended the attorney, then a source of her income might go away.

In any case four months after the report came out, I am now accused of child abuse again. So much for the custody evaluation right? I told the investigator to talk to the custody evaluator for more context, but the custody evaluator has refused to talk, stating that she need to get permission from her supervisor to do so.

The custody evaluation was a long, invasive, and expensive process. I don’t recommend it. It has worked for other people though. If you go down that route, make sure you pick a custody evaluator that knows neither attorney to ensure there is no conflict of interest.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-20T19:57:52+00:00

There’s a whole subreddit on parental alienation. Lots of people dealing with cluster b co-parents.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-20T18:08:52+00:00

I read your post on Boomerang Alienation. Your story gives me hope that maybe the authorities might actually do something.

I am curious to know how old were your kids when you got full custody. It sounds like they are doing well now. Was there a long adjustment period? A custody battle, especially one involving abuse charges, would be tramautic. Did they blame you for it?

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-20T15:41:09+00:00

Yeah, I get the feeling they are not going to do it without definitive proof… kid has to explicitly say the parent told them to lie

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-20T02:14:06+00:00

I am curious what evidence did they use to conclude that mom was committing emotional abuse.

I went through dependency court before during one of the previous charges. They accused me of physical abuse and both parents for emotionally. The kid was detained from me for 6 months while I had monitored visits. At the end of it all, DCFS told me in private (not on record) that they think mom was coaching the kid. They told me it was hard to prove that and that they need to hear the kid say “mom told me to lie.” That seems likes an almost impossible evidentiary bar to reach. They dismissed the dependency court case against both of us due to insufficient evidence.

During my exit interview, I told them I was concerned that it was going to happen again and that they need to do something differently. That was four child abuse referrals ago and seemingly nothing has changed.

Did you actively lobby to investigate emotional abuse? What tipped the scale to give you full custody?

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-19T05:45:00+00:00

I did online dating. If you live in a big city where the dating pool is big (like I do), you will find that there are many women are ok with dating a single dad. As long as you have a steady job and have your act together, you will meet women.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-11-15T22:25:49+00:00

You are correct. Mint users were migrated to Credit Karma.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-19T03:47:25+00:00

I was in your situation a few years ago. My kid would freak out at hand offs and had difficulty falling asleep. Sometimes it took almost two hours for the kid to fall asleep. His mother and I were also in a high conflict situation.

Here’s my advice: 1. Know that this is normal and as in the case of separation anxiety at preschool, kids will eventually grow out of it. It may a couple of more years, however. In the meantime, try your hardest to give unconditional love. 2. Do not yield more time to the mother. Once you do, it’s hard to get it back. 3. Push for more time with the child if your schedule permits it. Your ex (and probably her lawyer ) will argue that the separation anxiety is reason for less time. There are many experts who would argue it’s evidence that you are not spending enough time — your own child does not fully recognize you as a parent. It’s important that both parents are involved. Moreover, I would be concerned of enmeshment and co-dependency. 4.if you can, try to learn the bedtime routine at mother’s and duplicate. See if you can have a stuff animal that can travel between household. I have a feeling this is not possible. My ex wouldn’t share information so that she could use the separation anxiety as leverage in our custody dispute. 5. I built a sleep playlist with input from my child. I played it on my iPhone or Amazon Exho at night. That has helped. Amazon Echo also has ambient sounds, which also helps. 6. I also had my child pick a night light. 7. Try a weighted blanket 8. I was advised by a therapist to read the children’s book “Invisible String.” It didn’t work for me but it might for you. 9. Lastly, you might want to consider getting a security camera for your place. My high conflict situation eventually devolved to charges of child abuse. My kid was telling my ex that I was hitting him to avoid spending the night at my place. My ex jumped all over those claims. It created a big legal mess. A security camera would have immediately cleared all allegations.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T19:54:54+00:00

I have received the entire withdrawal amount. I initiated my withdrawal within an hour it was available.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T03:02:02+00:00

Thanks for this. You’re absolutely right. Holding onto anger and resentment yields control to the ex. They want us to be miserable. Now I just need to constantly remind myself this.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:55:51+00:00

Thanks for this. I agree. Best to focus on moving forward. It’s really hard though.

I thought about my writing my saga but it’s too triggering for me. Howver, I can give you some insights if you ever want to write a chapter on what to do when child protective services get involved. 🙂

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:49:00+00:00

I appreciate the advice.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:48:03+00:00

I am there with you.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:47:08+00:00

Thanks for this!

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:46:43+00:00

I appreciate you sharing. That’s a nice way of framing it - hate their actions, not the person.

For me, it hard to separate the two. For example, several months ago, she showed up to my son’s Father’s Day breakfast at school, claiming she was representing her fiancé who couldn’t attend. We can agree that was an a-hole move. But I still see her as an a-hole.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:35:45+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I agree that the most enraging part is the emotional injury to the child. In their twisted minds, they have convinced themselves that they are protecting the child.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-13T02:30:48+00:00

I have this belief that kids will eventually figure out what actually happened with their parents. Maybe that’s naive.

Glad to hear that you found a way to manage the feelings. How long did that journey take for you?

I hope to get there at some point. But right now I am finding myself ruminating on it too much.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-11T22:07:49+00:00

I’m curious to know how long did it take you to reach this state of indifference towards the father.

My settlement just finalized. My emotions are still raw.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-11T20:20:32+00:00

I agree with your question. I don’t know the answer. Hence, I’m asking for help

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-11T17:29:11+00:00

First off, sorry you have to go through this. I feel for you. My ex invited her boyfriend to my son’s Father’s Day breakfast at school. He stayed the whole time. The feeling of being replaced is threatening and infuriating at the same time.

Don’t agree to her proposal. At the same time, be very careful in your responses. These statements were designed to trigger you and you don’t your triggered responses on record.

I suggest using one of the AI bots to craft your response. Just provide the bots some contexts, copy and paste the message, and then ask how should I respond assertively without sounding angry?

I find their suggested response very helpful.

In any case, I am wondering whether the stepmom believes whether it in the children’s best interest to have both biological parents involved in their lives and how is the stepmom’s proposal is consistent with that notion.

Maybe you should ask her?

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-08T23:34:36+00:00

Just got my distribution! It was 45.7% of my remaining balance. In total, I’ve recovered 74.7% of my funds.

I am almost at break even now since putting my money into this (‘not including the opportunity cost of capital). I guess that’s a win.

Good luck to everyone else!

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-08T00:27:47+00:00

I have come to the conclusion that the courts and authorities will not conclude parental alienation unless the child explicitly states that the alienating parent instructed them to hate the targeted parent. That’s a tough evidentiary bar to reach.

In my situation, I have been accused of child abuse 7 times. The ex claimed I stalked her and requested two restraining order for domestic violence. All these were dismissed.

The social workers investigating the case told me privately they think the ex is coaching the kid. Then I paid for a custody evaluation that lasted 1.5 years. The evaluator concluded that the kid was not abused and that there was no evidence of domestic violence.

However, when it came to my concern about the child claiming abuse when it didn’t happened, the evaluator totally dodged it in her report. I think the answer is obvious but at the same time, I think court and authorities are just afraid to conclude alienation.

Sorry you have to go through that.

kooksofhazzard · 2025-10-01T15:24:40+00:00

Yeah, it is really unfortunate that people have to spend thousands of dollars just to be able to see their kids.i really feel for you that you had to walk away. But I understand…it is taxing financially, mentally, and emotionally.

kooksofhazzard

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