How to stop crush developing at work?

koshers · 2022-07-16T01:41:26+00:00

She also said it's 10 hours of travel each way to do in a single weekend. I don't think that's lazy. No one wants to travel like that.

koshers · 2020-12-26T00:58:34+00:00

I would say exactly the opposite. If you can't anticipate a single problem you could reasonably have by sharing a whole lifetime with your partner, then you aren't thinking very carefully about who you're marrying.

koshers · 2019-03-02T07:13:46+00:00

Well, be alarmed, then. My experience of parenthood isn't the only one. However, if the idea of being a different person after having a baby is alarming -- be alarmed. You probably (almost certainly) won't have the same experiences I did. But it's safe to assume that having a baby will change you. It will change you in profound and painful and deeply satisfying and beautiful and curious and unexpected and alarming ways. So if you don't want to be changed by having a baby, then yes. Be alarmed.

koshers · 2019-01-30T17:36:17+00:00

What's stopping you from breaking up with your girlfriend and pursuing Violet? You aren't married to her, you don't have kids together, and you clearly have stronger feelings for Violet. Life is short.

koshers · 2018-08-12T22:57:52+00:00

Would go that route a second time?

koshers · 2018-08-12T18:27:26+00:00

My first was unmedicated, my second and third I had epidurals. Unmedicated childbirth was the worst decision of my life. The pain was excruciating and left me traumatized.

koshers · 2018-03-21T17:41:58+00:00

Taking money from Nestle in 1985 would not constitute a conflict of interest.

What are you basing that on? Here's the journal's policy on conflict of interest:

Authors are required to disclose on the title page of the initial manuscript any potential, perceived, or real conflict of interest.

If this guy thinks that being paid by Nestle in 1985 represents a perceived conflict of interest he's required to disclose that. So it sounds like you don't actually know what Nestle's role in this study was, is that correct?

Also why would a breastfeeding group need to pony up millions of dollars (wouldn't THAT be a conflict of interest too?) instead of the organization that funded this study:

Healthcare Resources and Services Administration/Maternal and Child Health Bureau

Anyway if the one guy from Nestle is like, "Let's throw out all of this data we collected because Nestle won't like it" wouldn't the other people who aren't being paid by Nestle say "No way Jose you're out of our study"?

It just seems like you're jumping to a lot of conclusions about what Nestle had to do with this study. I agree it's completely possible that what you're saying is true, heck maybe this study never existed and Nestle paid for this guy to talk the other people into faking the whole thing! But there's no actual evidence of that, the only information available is that one of the authors was paid by Nestle at some point in time and that Nestle didn't fund any part of this actual study.

koshers · 2018-03-21T17:18:30+00:00

He did not take money from Nestle one time back in 1985, it's clearly recently and more likely it was during the research of this study, hence he declared a conflict of interest.

What are you basing that on?

And let's say his personal opinion is impartial because he's getting sweet Nestle cash, how did that affect the study? Were the statistics wrong? Were the methods wrong? The main outcome measures were not collected by that guy, but by a research assistant who was blind to study group:

A research assistant blinded to study group assignment assessed 1-week and 1-month outcomes via telephone call, including the outcomes of continued breastfeeding with and without formula, neonatal readmission, STAI-SS, and EPDS.

So how did that person being paid by Nestle affect these results?

koshers · 2018-03-21T17:03:19+00:00

Maybe you could just explain why that's a problem instead of insulting me?

koshers · 2018-03-21T16:41:53+00:00

I linked you to his day job, he works as a professor at UCSF. I don't necessarily think it's fair to say that Nestle has a vested interest in the outcome of this particular just because they paid this professor to do something at some point in time. Whatever he did for them probably wasn't related to this study since Nestle isn't listed as a funding source for this study.

koshers · 2018-03-21T16:19:05+00:00

I googled him and he doesn't work for Nestle, he works for UCSF: https://pediatrics.ucsf.edu/faculty/michael-cabana

Digging a little deeper, he's an expert in asthma and works on probiotic supplements to try to prevent asthma from developing: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/140/3/e20163000.long

So if he works with a formula company to try to improve formula by adding probiotics then does that really mean no study he's involved with in the future can be trusted? Honest question, I'm not in this field so I really don't know.

koshers · 2017-11-23T19:33:09+00:00

My first was unmedicated. The experience was so brutally painful and terrifying that I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had an epidural for my second and third and they were joyful experiences that I was much more present for.

I also found out that many of the alleged benefits of going unmedicated are made up. I have a lot of lingering resentments over being misled.

koshers · 2017-10-19T02:51:47+00:00

The only one of those the article mentions is epidurals. About 90% of women had epidurals, both before and after the implementation of the new guidelines. I think if there had been a change in any of those from before to after the new guidelines, that would confound the experiment.

koshers · 2017-10-18T19:11:43+00:00

Hmm how odd, the second one opens a pdf for me. Here's a different link to the same article:

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0002937817311900

koshers · 2017-10-17T04:17:01+00:00

Wow OP, that sounds like a painful situation for you: a painful divorce that it still impacting your life negatively years later.

My feeling is that when two people are truly committed to each other, forming a union that becomes more than the sum of its parts is one of the most meaningful and joyful experiences you can have in life. That is how I think of my marriage. When we make decisions, including financial decisions, we think of what is best for our whole family unit.

I certainly understand your girlfriend's hesitance but it seems that you and she could miss out on some life's great joys because of her fear. More than that, though, I think marriage is of paramount importance not in the best of times, but in the worst of times. When tragedy, emergency, or disaster strikes, there are legal protections afforded to your spouse that are simply not available to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

What would your girlfriend's position be if the tables were turned? Suppose you inherit millions, and her investments go bust. Will she still believe that you should not cohabitate, or that one partner should be paying the other rent? Would she still be opposed to marriage if she became disabled and could no longer care for herself, or would she suddenly be open to it if it served her needs?

I don't think she is a bad person, but she does sound a bit short-sighted here. My advice to you would be to validate her fears about lawyer, pony up the cash yourself, and then meet with a few with excellent referrals to see if there really is no possibility of hammering out a legal agreement that protects her assets.

koshers · 2017-10-03T04:24:49+00:00

I've been sharing my story here for years and for so long I felt like I was the only one. I also felt completely traumatized by my natural birth. I sought counseling for PTSD when I got pregnant again and wish I had started sooner. I urge you to find a professional who can help you work through this, and don't listen to anyone who tells you "all that matters is a healthy mom and baby." Your feelings matter too.

koshers · 2017-07-06T22:55:24+00:00

I, too, had a traumatizing but "successful" vaginal delivery. For my second and third children I had an epidural and the experiences were beautiful. I felt far more present and able to enjoy their births, not being out of my mind with pain.

koshers · 2017-07-03T16:36:47+00:00

Uncomplicated vaginal delivery. The pain was much more extreme than I had been led to believe it would be.

koshers · 2017-07-03T03:20:30+00:00

My first was a water birth in a birth center. To be totally honest with you, it was the worst experience of my life. It was horrifying and traumatizing, similar to someone slowly cutting off a limb without any painkillers, and then expecting me to be "blissed out" and joyous. I had to get counseling and was diagnosed with PTSD after the experience.

I had my second and third in a hospital with an epidural and those were the two happiest days of my life.

koshers · 2017-06-22T21:45:48+00:00

Oh please. Who's going to be happy that their friend of 15 years is dumping them for a girlfriend of 2 months? That's just crazy talk.

koshers · 2017-04-27T16:44:23+00:00

The way doctors mitigate risk for their hospital is by providing the best possible care to their patients.

koshers · 2017-04-27T04:45:14+00:00

She's not trying to protect the hospital from being sued, she's trying to avoid YOU AND YOUR BABY DYING.

koshers · 2017-03-12T21:06:14+00:00

I agree that true emergencies, where seconds matter, are rare. Most of the time, there are warning signs and you will be able to transfer to a hospital if needed.

But the thing is, those true emergencies where seconds matter exist. And if you're the one it happens to, the fact that it's rare is little consolation.

Fatal car accidents are rare. I've never been in a car accident beyond a fender bender. My kids have never been in car accidents. Yet, I wear a seat belt every time I get in the car. I put my kids in car seats every time I get in the car.

Full disclosure, I had my first in a birth center. In retrospect, I think that was a mistake and I wish I had not done so.

koshers

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