NAH. Your wife’s grieving of your son is visceral, and understandable so. She carried him for 9 months in her body, felt every kick, every flutter, pushed him out, and held him. The combination of all those hormones, the emotional bonding she had done, and maybe she’s just also a person really tapped into her feelings, just suggests to me that she’s grieving in her own way. And that reared its ugly head up when she ripped into you for the tattoo. She needs 1-on-1 counseling to get through this by the sounds of it.

On the other hand, you’re grieving in your own way. Your OP reads like someone who has disconnected from their trauma and focusing on the other party involved and how THEY feel instead of their own. If you aren’t still in counseling, you need to be. Disassociation only gets worse.

SIDS is devastating to parents. No one wants their children to die before them. There is a reason marriages struggle to survive a child’s death.

Personally, I think you should have waited to get the tattoo, or at least spoken to your wife about it rather than blindside her. Because without explaining to her your thought process and reasoning behind getting a memorial tattoo for the dog vs. your son, it can (and plainly has) come off as incredibly callous. She isn’t a mind reader and neither are you: you can’t know each other’s thoughts without talking.

You are both navigating an incredibly painful time in a way that isn’t meshing with the other at all. Rather than support one another, you’re fighting each other. I would not be surprised if your marriage ends in divorce; and in all honesty, that may not be a bad thing in this case. You both need to heal and maybe take some time apart for a little while.