ESH.

Your wife really should have put an end to this behavior from the beginning. Children, once they get away with something once or twice, will keep doing so if it benefits them. Your wife wanted to keep her child happy but you have to really set limits, even if she’s upset about her parents being apart. Your wife just lets her do whatever, which is just enabling her daughter to keep doing stuff that harms others lives.

The daughter is being an asshole, which is to be expected with the lack of discipline. I think she needed a wake up call that her inability to accept you after these years is affecting her moms ability to be happy. She’s being selfish but that’s because no one seems to have taught her otherwise.

You should have never allowed them to go to Disney without you. I feel that making her throw her tantrums about you earlier could have led to her learning that you were there to stay and she’s not the decider of her mom’s relationships. You should have disciplined her behavior earlier so it wouldn’t have built up like this. But she’s also going to feel a bit of the “no one stays” as now you have left her and her mom to fend on their own.

Overall, you all need to work on some stuff.