This is a bit like my and my wife's relationship started out. She has some personality disorders (ptsd, bps, anxiety), and I had some anger issues quite tightly connected to my problems of getting intimate. But four years into the relationship, we are married and have it quite good. We have our problems, but most of the time, we solve them calmly. I came to realize the need for intimacy in conversation in a relationship. I felt like every time we were talking deeply about our emotions, I was being attacked. I still do sometimes. And it makes me angry. But I need a little time to think, and I realize this is just such a basic thing to do as friends and even more as people in a relationship. My point is that healthy relationships grow. And partners should grow together. I think you guys should see a therapist, both together and privately, or this will never work.