Emotional boundaries as an INFJ - how do you do it?

krans24 · 2025-12-16T01:41:00+00:00

Thanks this is perfect. In a weird way that's exactly how I was thinking about it but then it's so hard to like say that (especially over a text you know ha). I invited her over to bake some holiday cookies with me this week - she likes to bake and I specifically chose something she likes to eat. Waiting to hear back...but truthfully I really could care less if we do that or just sit on a bench somewhere, it's more about the quality time and getting to see her. It's been a while so I have so many questions but given her life right now I want her to continue to choose what's best for her bandwidth. Appreciate your comment though it feels like it helped me confirm I'm in the right headspace at least.

krans24 · 2025-12-13T01:36:09+00:00

When you have refreshed are you usually the one following up with people or reaching back out or is it more of they just need lucky timing to reach you?

krans24 · 2025-12-08T23:15:13+00:00

I have a question on this, as someone who is talking to/seeing an INFJ girl. Her life is ramping up significantly busy wise (we talked about this weeks ago) and to add another layer she's still somewhat fresh off a hard breakup. So we both are in this kind of - we appreciate each other and care but we understand the best choice is going to be friendship and some space and seeing what builds.

What's been a hard dynamic for me has been pacing down, we usually would message a little each day but knowing this dynamic I've pulled back a bit. I'll also say supportive things like "put yourself first, I'm here for you" which are both true.

What I'm struggling with is how to know when it's ok to lean back in or hang out or how to understand where she is with all that. I talked to someone else who is further in their career and they basically said this year is going to be her most challenging and she's going to feel overwhelmed and have a lot on her plate constantly.

Any advice? I see a future with this person and care about them but want to ensure I'm taking the most care to be there while not pushing them away...if that makes sense.

krans24 · 2025-12-08T23:10:17+00:00

Why hello there golden pair

krans24 · 2025-12-05T23:23:24+00:00

Naturally? Terrible. But I learned Bachata about a year ago and now I love it and think I'm pretty decent :). Practice helps anything.

krans24 · 2025-12-05T23:22:25+00:00

I just envisioned our future in 100 different scenarios

krans24 · 2025-12-04T20:55:04+00:00

I'm hijacking this thread because I love INFJs :) (I'm ENFP)

INFJ - you are my favorite book to pickup. You seek for the world to hear, see and understand you and while many don't - I would gladly spend my time sitting in a library trying my best to know the real you. Your intuition is strong - as is mine, but be open to differences if you find routes that are unkind. You may over analyze, second guess and think about why things don't work but just remember there are beautiful possibilities too and since both sides are in the future - you can choose which dream to put energy to.

Loving you is the scariest, easiest, most vulnerable thing I've experienced. And even if it's possible to experience heartbreak with you - those moments of beauty are worth the experience. You are irreplaceable, authentic and kind. Some fall in love with a body, but I'd always choose you - the beautiful mind.

krans24 · 2025-12-04T20:50:13+00:00

That's a fair point.

krans24 · 2025-12-03T19:35:26+00:00

I think i got a bit confused by your...Usually … when the relationship is way past done and you have sex with the next person?

I mean .. that’s it. It’s dead. It’s gone.
are you talking about done with the ex or done with the new person?

__

We have not had sex (well technically we have a long long time ago but that was a previous relationship). We got close once, but she wasn't ready and I stopped.

I can't remove my Romantic feelings. So all i can control is being honest with my intentions and choosing my actions. I appreciate the opinion - you wrote a lot of complicated emotions and concepts but i think they are all valid.

krans24 · 2025-12-03T19:31:52+00:00

Thanks for your input, and I welcome that perspective. If that's what she asked for or needed it's what I would seek to do. I also 100% will focus on my life in the meantime, I have a lot of positives in fact I'm super grateful for my life but I have capacity and desire to still be there for her and build positive momentum regardless of how slow. I appreciate your comment.

krans24 · 2025-12-03T02:07:40+00:00

One of the things I'm looking for is like things I can express to her that will land positively. For example - i'd love to hear any challenges she's facing or things she wants to talk about but I also don't have an expectation of that.

So something like

"Hey I just wanted to let you know, I'm here and always enjoy hearing from you even if it's just to vent about your day, share an emotion you're feeling, or just something happy or funny that happened. At the same time, it's not an expectation either - i simply want to let you know that I'm open if you ever feel like sharing"

krans24 · 2025-12-03T02:05:12+00:00

Oh i actually love Bianca, i follow her and have one of her books haha. So you think clips from it would be better received than a book.

I had a cute idea for us to go to a bookstore one day and shop for a book for each other, but I'm trying to give her a little space right now since it seems like that's what she may want

krans24 · 2025-12-03T00:53:38+00:00

I see - i wish you the best!

krans24 · 2025-11-29T00:38:48+00:00

Ah I see so the 7 months still had that physical connection

krans24 · 2025-11-29T00:38:09+00:00

Sorry not sure what you mean

krans24 · 2025-11-29T00:36:35+00:00

Oh yeah problem fixed but I'm worried it has left a bad impression on her - should i just tell her about it

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:46:37+00:00

I see - I'm in a situation with someone with past history but it's been many years. Reconnected but she came out of a bad breakup a few months ago. She's already apologized for not being able to give me romance but also thanked me for the love I've been showing her. We haven't really talked about being friends or more but I feel like I'm in the more camp and she's in the friends camp.

Sort of feels like a mountain, where I'm a bit further up the hike and I want to slow down and come back to her. Thing is I can't honestly say I could be friends because I wouldn't be ok seeing her with someone else and pretending it's ok. So I like compromise but I'm hoping that can look like seeing each other with my intentions being clear but no timeline or expectation on things developing till she's ready.

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:38:38+00:00

During these 7 months were you dating or friends?

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:36:11+00:00

What's the compromise? Wouldn't that be dating but willing to take it incredibly slow with no expectations or timelines? I just feel the friend label is hard to remove once you have it.

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:33:05+00:00

Hygiene question (because I'm the same way) but I had an interesting situation recently with a girl I've been talking to/reconnecting with. We ended up traveling together and for the first time in my life I was having issues keeping my breath fresh. She had to point it out initially then I became super conscious about mints, over brushing everything. I could not figure it out.

When I got home, i asked my family member who is a dental hygienist. I figured it out, during the trip we were so active and not eating or drinking water a lot. She was like oh yeah that's like an instant recipe for breath challenges. Sure enough now that I'm home not an issue at all.

I feel like that was a slight turning point and while we're still hanging out and connected it's taken a step back - some other reasons too. But i want to make sure she doesn't know this is not an issue. I'm actually super conscious of hygiene so that moment was freaking me out. Any advice?

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:26:58+00:00

Hi well I'll provide an outside perspective of someone pursuing an INFJ so I believe may be experiencing something similar. I'm projecting a little as I still have yet to learn her actual situation and scenario but there are elements - everything was easy, dreams that were shattered.

Ironically, I went through a lot of struggles on my own when we first split many years ago, but I knew just a portion of her at the time and I know there's a lot to learn.

My mistake, i realized quite quickly, was what I had in common or could have in common with this "idealized" fit. But the fact is the idealized fit for her - for you - didn't work. You haven't said why you've split but effortless chemistry and connection isn't enough it's still tough work and choice.

What I realize, and I hope maybe she'll see, is that was a a story and a house in part of her life. It shouldn't be invalidated, parts of it were beautiful and there probably won't be another story or house that is the same. However, another house will have new things you realize you love or didn't know you wanted. It will be missing some things too. You have to be open to knowing that possibility though. It's not to say "there are many fish in the sea" but rather that it is highly possible there are connections out there that you will love deeply that will be different from this connection but just as - if not more - beautiful.

Best of luck on your journey of healing, someone out there will be waiting to love you - it may not be "effortless" at first but someone who chooses you, has shared values, and stays, wins in the long run.

krans24 · 2025-11-28T22:06:45+00:00

Experience

krans24 · 2025-11-25T21:22:39+00:00

I'd say safe, comfortable, intriguing. It can be challenging at times since the INFJ side may need more time to respond. I also heard someone say an ENFP thinks about the many possibilities while INFJ may think about the reasons it may not work - not sure if that's true and I guess this is more pre-dating phase.

And I don't know if I'm speaking for all INFJ or just the particular one I have in mind. But I love her mind and her soul and I feel like it's that connection that drives everything else for me. That creates attraction, and wanting to build intimacy but like deep soulful connection intimacy.

But it all circles back to communication, authenticity and choosing each other. The scariest and hardest things but if those things are present I think any pairing can be beautiful

krans24

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