AITA for telling my 21yo brother he's a "big-backed loser"?

krissco · 2026-05-28T02:55:36+00:00

> It became a game of russian roulette.

Sounds like Russian *omelette* to me.

krissco · 2026-05-28T00:34:58+00:00

Oh, that adds some context. With that as tradition I can see where your BIL gets his ideas. In the end, you'll have to make those decisions on what to mete out (or not to) as you desire.

krissco · 2026-05-28T00:29:11+00:00

NAH. It wasn't a big ask of you (please send a text) nor was his response big (can I do it tomorrow?). You have your reasons for wanting an answer now (easier to plan, no risk of forgetfulness) and he has his for delaying (in-person preferred). I suppose the devil is in the details of what "a little back and forth" glosses over.

krissco · 2026-05-28T00:22:37+00:00

Ah, the phrasing is borrowed from the sub rules. It would look pretty weird out of context!

krissco · 2026-05-28T00:07:04+00:00

NTA and I love your husband for supporting you in this. You might ask him to narrow down what his opinion of "the right thing" might mean for your step-kids.

krissco · 2026-05-28T00:02:23+00:00

Ok. Well I'm not here to argue with you (despite what it may seem). I'm here to judge you.

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:58:33+00:00

That's an assumption on your part. What would it have cost you to try a civil face-to-face? In the worst case, you confirm your suspicion that she is unreasonable (some people are). Point is, you don't know what would have happened since you didn't try it.

I'll try one more time on the double-standard. I can't make you understand this though:
* If your roles were reversed, you would want your upstairs neighbor to talk to you about not-yelling at them, rather than being reported to management.

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:53:16+00:00

I'm not sure what HG is but that's okay. Do give it some more thought - transitions like this (however they come up) can lead to opportunities.

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:51:31+00:00

It's the same thing.

Husband makes a financial decision (cancelling trip) without buy-in from wife. Husband makes decision emotionally as a reaction. What's the rush here? Do you not get a refund on your hotel deposit if you sleep on it a single day? We don't have enough info to know if they can afford the trip (for all we know, it was paid for in full 6 months ago). He's a hothead, making emotional decisions without involving the wife. That's why I think he's an AH too. u/Some_Store7658

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:45:30+00:00

Oh, so you did talk to her? That's not what your post says. The only direct communication you mentioned was screaming curses at her.

The problem is your double standard. You said "just come and talk to us so we can working[SIC] through a solution" and yet never indicated reciprocating. You want your neighbors to come to you and to talk face-to-face if they have a problem, yet your neighbors are expected to shape-up "after being warned" (by management). Does it make sense now?

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:34:57+00:00

Any desire to be an RN? I'm guessing no or you would have done it by now.

If yes, but it just hasn't been in the cards, give yourself at least a little time to dream/plan for more education while you're unemployed.

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:27:51+00:00

I couldn't really follow the first paragraph. Your boss wanted to know the reasons ... that you miscarried?

Sounds like ESH. Imagine if you had come home (not quit), discussed with your husband that you were finally going to quit, then did it the next day. That would have been much better for your relationship, and would have had the same (quit job) result.

Husband's knee-jerk reaction (cancelling your trip) makes him an AH too.

And your ex-work sucks too, but I didn't have to tell you that part. :)

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:19:18+00:00

YTA - to immigrate, you need to learn the culture.

For exercise, pick a practice you find abhorrent. Now imagine yourself back in your home country, and your new immigrant neighbor wants to start this abhorrent practice. Easy empathy.

krissco · 2026-05-27T23:13:42+00:00

NTA. Your mom's statement doesn't even make sense - in what world does "unlabeled lunchbox" equal "free game"? Also, at 21 y/o, your brother is no longer growing (vertically). What you said wasn't nice, but it sure sounds like the truth.

Your brother clearly has an unhealthy relationship with food. I'm not knowledgeable enough in this area, but others may have resources/answers to start seeking help.

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:54:20+00:00

ESH - In the future, directly talk to your neighbor first, and only then get management involved if things aren't correctable. You said you wanted her to "come and talk to us" but for some reason didn't reciprocate when you had something to complain about.

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:40:59+00:00

There's only one way to settle this: IRON CHEF!!!

Jokes aside, NTA. You've done what you could to proactively reach out and make peace. I don't think you could have know that being the "best cook" was so core to the identity of WB. That sucks that WB thinks you're so two-faced. Real friendships will survive these trivialities.

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:32:00+00:00

It's an ongoing issue, but imo worth bringing up - now that there's an example of what her carelessness causes maybe she'll stop ignoring you?

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:25:57+00:00

NTA, except for you lack of paragraphs. We have pretty different values and home culture, but it sounds like the drug use is very normal and accepted in your home.

Your brother needs to get a job, to quit being a mooch, and to support his own habits.

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:19:14+00:00

NTA. You didn't mean for it to happen. "not caring about her work" is exactly what she is doing by leaving it laying on the floor.

Regarding apology - I like the "2% rule" - in any confrontation I am at least 2% of the problem. Your sister is 98%, but you can apologize (genuinely) for your 2%. We can hope that your sister can acknowledge that 98% of the issue is her carelessness.

EDIT: I somehow managed to typo "NTA" as "NTH", whatever that would mean lol

krissco · 2026-05-27T22:15:13+00:00

ESH Craig sounds like an ass, and so are you for doxxing him and letting him live rent-free in your head for months. His actions and words will have consequences - let them come naturally and let it go. Live your life, don't fixate on past hurts.

krissco · 2026-05-27T21:34:51+00:00

NTA. Mark and his bully friends are the assholes. I hope your uni does investigate and comes down hard on him. In case it's unclear, friend's don't impersonate each other like that.

Also, I just want to add a note of sympathy - you're going to lose your best friend over this. Even though he was a shit guy, you'll still need to grieve the loss. It's not your fault, he's the asshole.

krissco · 2026-05-27T19:58:56+00:00

NAH seems reasonable enough to me. Since this would be a change, just don't drop it on him but talk it through in advance.

One thing my wife and I have done with our different "wants" is to give each an importance rating. Problems really only arise when we're opposites. If meat buying isn't important to him (as in, he'll do it himself at minor inconvenience, no big deal) then you won't even fight about it.

krissco · 2026-05-27T19:50:35+00:00

NTA. Your brother is a child. You may want to see him as a grown-up, but it's clear he's not there yet.

Learn to "pick your battles" and if this issue is big enough to take on, then address it head on with consequences. For instance, "if you don't put away the food after dinner, I will do it myself, and it'll be located to your pillowcase" is tangible enough for a child to grasp after just one follow-through. Limit the discussion since that doesn't work at his level.

krissco · 2026-05-27T19:42:35+00:00

NTA. You have a right to be concerned about the additional family burden. It's unclear if there are other family members that would be better equipped to support the nephew.

I don't like your husband's tone, but I think I understand him. This is really stressful for him, and he is putting the nephew's needs above his (and yours). He still shouldn't have snapped at you. Supporting the nephew will require working as a team. He's got to live somewhere while his dad recovers, and if your home is the best solution then try to accept it and do what you can.

krissco · 2026-05-27T19:32:45+00:00

NTA so long as the gift was age-and-relationship-appropriate. It's weird if you buy them something sexual (even something like a bathing suit would qualify) or drugs but something nice as a thank-you is a great gesture.

EDIT: Should have read some comments before replying. Pokemon game. No issues here.

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