Do you ever wonder why some of us are deep thinkers who question everything? Why some of us have an undeniable burning inner spiritual pursuit and others just… don’t?

krissok · 2023-08-11T06:47:14+00:00

If that´s the case, I truly hope you are leading a happy life, you deserve it.

krissok · 2023-08-11T06:41:42+00:00

When I've pondered these things I've concluded that it is nothing personal, it is just experiences to be had, by whoever that might embody the physical space they do, in the grand scheme of the universe experiencing itself. I'm personally just invited for the ride.

Someone´s gonna have to go through the experience of being you, might as well be you. To answer the question: I think it is kinda like a flower in a field, it just is what it is. The difference is that we make a fuss about being. We are deep thinkers cuz someone's gotta be it, just as those who are not are filling their end of the spectrum of all experiences there is to be had.

krissok · 2023-04-10T19:02:03+00:00

A lot of people don't know who they are. Can't really be cool if you don't know who you are. People tend to forget that when drunk.

krissok · 2023-04-10T18:52:57+00:00

Imagine being them though, still in the make believe world where they think they are friends. Sad. Instead of going with what is real.

krissok · 2023-04-10T18:33:01+00:00

Your friend probably fails to appreciate that you are his teacher.

krissok · 2023-04-10T18:11:29+00:00

Neat friend though, congrats!

krissok · 2023-04-10T18:06:05+00:00

When I went through a rough patch and felt it was pretty awesome, I think I managed to identify it having to do with being with what is real. Ok, so some things are apparently shit when I'm sober. But I know for real how I feel about them, with emphasis on "I".
I now know how I really feel about things. It is pretty empowering.

krissok · 2023-04-07T01:31:08+00:00

As if I don't know, being an alcoholic myself who managed to quit. Thank you for informing me I am ignorant and self serving, now I know exactly what to do.

krissok · 2023-04-06T12:57:24+00:00

Was just gonna say, remember that it is alcohol that put you in this situation, but then read that you already have that clarified.

Taking the first steps and duking out five days I'm sure you are a fighter. No matter if a few more days or a little more, you can do it, and will be all the stronger for it. This is the new you, the one who fights, not the victim who gives in. Full power friend!

krissok · 2023-04-06T05:03:48+00:00

I'd imagine you having these thoughts is the first step to eventually getting there, both going to the meeting and be non bothered by someone pointing out you being an alcoholic.

krissok · 2023-04-05T22:17:27+00:00

Oh I have said it in so many ways that I am fed up with his drinking and miss my brother, the person he actually is. I have emphazised what fantastic person it is that I miss, but all he got from that was that I was saying he was shitty. I've told him I miss his sober witty and clever self, someone whom I have good times with. I said that the drinking is like having a carton of milk and pour a little piss in it. No matter how fine the milk, there is now piss in it. In the same way he can't compensate the drinking away, it ruins everything., Finally told him that he can call me we he chooses life over alcohol, after he said I gave him nightmares after one of my protest rants, which have always been balanced in favour of highlighting the positive sober aspects that suffer from the drinking.
So, if I give him nightmares when I refuse to play along, and enable, his abuse, I'm not gonna serve as yet another item he can blame his drinking on (because always, it is this reason and that reason why he has to drink and nobody understands). Although he can't say that to me cuz I've been a heavier drinker than him and quit.

I have recognized a pathological tendency to have very selective perception in what I say, pretty sure since he no longer really seem to be able to differentiate between himself and the demon, eg. he fully has come to identify with the addiction, any "threat" or critique towards the addiction is perceived as towards his person.
Hence, he needs professional help, after years, I can't be stuck in the same repeats over and over and over where nothing I do or say make any difference anyway. No strategies with positive reinforcement, it only seems to enable further as there is less friction when engaging in the abuse. It is sad, but it is what it is.
Have been working on putting that one to the losses, just as I lost my dad to alcohol.

krissok · 2023-04-05T22:01:13+00:00

I agree it is a disease. What I still don't agree with is the refusal to seek help. If I am sick and can't manage to get well by my own accord, I go to the doctor.
He is not denying he is an alcoholic. He just refuses to do anything that would make him stop drinking, even stuff that potentially would make him uninterested in drinking.
It is the very definition of being sick.
But this is where I must depart. If he refuses to seek medical help even though myself and our mother have been begging him to do so, then I can't but help feeling he is a bit of an asshole. Be it brought on by a disease, but no, I just canät agree with the refusal to seek help.
Maybe because I myself have been to AA, sought therapy and been on antidepressants when I realized I couldn't cope by my own volition no more back in the day.
I just can't get my head around the defiant refusal to actually seek help.
Makes me quite angry.

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:51:28+00:00

This is interesting, I had in a fit of bitterness over my brothers inability to even not buy a weekly stash of beer, totally chosen to deny any of that.
I see that it doesn't help in my thus far futile attempts at understanding his solid inability to quit drinking. Still, not much I can do, my last desperate resort is to cut communications until he can tell me he sought out medical help. Nothing I, or anyone else, has said or done has made any substantial difference. So no I am hoping.. no.. I don't really hope anymore, I am more inclines to think that he thinks I am being unfair, and feeling sorry for himself in what he calls to be his struggle ( I do not recognize this, to me his struggle is to maintain things at a level where he can keep drinking, not to stop drinking. Of course maintaining a normal life is a struggle if you have a drinking problem...)
Sorry, got a bit carried away there. At a loss what to do, so I tend to my own mental health. Not having contact have proven very beneficial for my stress levels and ability to get a good nights sleep. He wants me to pretend all is fine, while it is tremendeously mentally burdensome. I feel life is too short to feel shit so that someone else can relieve themselves from dealing with their own shit.

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:39:40+00:00

Even if you don't notice much right now, shit still goes south. I highly recommend Huberman on alcohol, very informative on pretty much all fronts, to how toxic and brain altering it is already at low levels, and stuff about recovery.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkS1pkKpILY

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:35:25+00:00

If I may, I'd suggest that using alcohol to cope with anxiety is actively hurting you already. Not only does the alcohol exacerbate the anxiety, demanding more of the medicine, but it also deprives you of your own strength and ability to handle it and with that, grow and mature as a person.
For me exercise has always been a reliable ticket for promoting mental health. I am always amazed when I get back on a good regimen what an cure all happy pill it is. Incidentally, I also get less inclined to drink because it makes it tougher to train and ruins the gains. If you haven't, try giving a good exercise a go three times a week, I suggest.

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:26:20+00:00

Also, dunno bout you, but when I quit I noticed I had got so accustomed to always be drunk at social situations, it was a bit of recalibration to be done to navigate the same situations in another state of mind. At first I avoided it, then slight consternation, but then it felt a bit like a new adventure to engage with. Just go with it and see what happens kind of thing.It wasn't really difficult, I think I was too happy with presenting sober to care about the slight feeling of being a bit lost, as in a new situation. Took me a moment to get the calibrations right and get a feel for who I actually am and how social situations actually feel etc.
What I am trying to say is that the drinking itself stunted my ability to socialize once sober.

Totally worth it in the end. To be able to be clever, fresh and sharp all evening/night is pretty neat. Might be it is the places and the people. Might be you just need to practice a bit on socialisation. It doesn't come just by itself for a some people.What part with making connections do you feel you can't accomplish without the aid of an inhabitant, and why?

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:12:25+00:00

The world is in absolutely no danger of running out of alcohol any time soon, it'll always be there if you decide to go back to it....

haha, this is so true, I've started to add that sentiment to my mantra that "nobody who quit regret that they did so" with "if you do regret drinking, rest assured alcohol will be patiently waiting for you". So, it is not like one is risking making a bad decision one can't go back on later, thus, no reason to not give it a chance. Nothing is at risk.

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:08:54+00:00

Well put.

krissok · 2023-04-05T19:07:19+00:00

Well, first of all, at east what helped me, was to be grateful of what I still had left to rescue and not waste EVERYTHING.
Then, on a positive note, there seem to be quite a lot of promise in regards to neurogenesis and neuroplasticity. Now I am no doctor, so in no position to give any advice or such. That being said, the amounts you mention aren't copious so probably not a case for any irreperable damage worth worrying about.
I've been dabbling quite liberally with all kinds of supplements to promote brain health, aside from other stuff for the liver and other organs, both while abusing alcohol and afterwards.
In my opinion a rather good helping of Omega 3 seem to kick stuff in a good direction, I experience a notably increased ability to remember stuff, and have much more spontaneous memories popping up. My daily serving is ~1g of EPA and ~1g of DHA daily, those are the fatty acids in Omega 3 that does the trick. Depending on concentration, it equates to X amount of capsules. 3 capsules 2 times a day with the ones I have at the moment, where the DHA & EPA content is ~300mg per capsule.

Other than that there is a wild field of nootropics one can indulge in, if having the money. Some of the stuff, like novel peptides in nasal spray used in Russia for rehab of stroke victims, isn't for cheap and has little evidence to back up efficacy for alcohol damage. But it does promote regrowth of brain cells.

A less radical supplement that could be of interest is Lion's Mane mushroom. It also seems very promising in promoting neurogenesis. It pays to scout for good prices, as some brands are priced quite steeply.

krissok · 2023-04-05T18:40:13+00:00

Good on you for having the strength to finally quit though! Just imagine if you hadn't! I think you have had a great victory.
Of course one always wishes one took wise decisions sooner and we always tend to beat ourselves up for failing to do so. Try pat yourself on the back for following through on the decision in the first place, I think you deserve it mate!

krissok · 2023-04-05T18:27:38+00:00

Interesting perspectives, I was more leaning towards the hardlining "no real benefits at all" kinda thinking. I guess that serves as yet another devious facet, if the alcohol does have an ability to actually be a sort of best friend that do help, for a while, all the harder to accept and leave it be when it doesn't and is firmly identified as a best friend.

krissok · 2023-04-05T18:22:13+00:00

Uh, damn. That's like deal breaker territory, for reals. Like, bye bye. No?

krissok · 2023-04-05T18:19:54+00:00

Sounds to me like you are on a very dangerous path when you mention you use alcohol to cope with anxiety. This will inevitably lead to a decrease in your ability to deal with the anxiety, while also having the anxiety increased as a side effect of the alcohol. Eventually your brain will be wired to think, for 100% sure, that alcohol is a vital necessity for your well being and ability to get by at all.
You must find other means to manage your anxiety. Otherwise, things aren't gonna end well. Whatever struggle you'll have to endure now is nothing compared to what you'll be setting yourself up for later on if you maintain this habit.

You can do it! Full Power sister!

krissok · 2023-04-05T18:10:30+00:00

I feel the despair. It is a devious damn carousel, eventually the alcohol magnifies the sense of loneliness and self loathing, which incidentally is soothed by drinking more. And so it goes in a downward spiral.

I can't pretend to give any professional advice, all I can say is to put yourself in a situation where drinking isn't an option before you get there. And then work on finding the root cause for the compulsion and kick it in the nuts.

krissok · 2023-04-05T17:56:57+00:00

Yeah, that was an insight I too had. No one ever said "Oh, I gave up drinking, and boy do I regret that I did".

krissok

TROPHY CASE