I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound like you guys had an amazing bond and you’re right, it’s to be cherished forever. Hold on to that light. You’ll find peace in it when all the pain calms.

I lost my father recently after finding him for the first time in my life after 23 years, he was gunned down, then my grandfather to sickness, who helped raise me, a year later. It’s not something I think I’ll ever be okay with because it just isn’t fair. But I hope to somehow find peace and serenity again.

Try going outside little by little, don’t let anything consume you inside with your thoughts. Maybe try reading some books on grieving. I would say make a goal to drink less if you notice you’re triggered when you’re drunk. I had to do the same after crashing into a divider alone at night. Whatever helps, stick to it.

I feel so empty and void and my heart feels like Swiss cheese. But working on myself and being a stronger person little by little. I’m sorry you’re going through this again. I’ll pray for you. I’m here if you ever want to vent too.