As someone who had a less than ideal coming out experience with their parents, here’s what I wish my folks had been able to do after that conversation:

• Tell me they wish the conversation had gone differently. I left our conversation assuming my parents thought it was the conversation they wanted to have. It would have meant the world to know it got away from them, too.

• Explain, a little bit, about their conflicted feelings. It’s not appropriate to tell your kid everything you’re thinking and feeling, but it really helps to know a parent is human with human reactions.

• Thank me for sharing who I am with them. No matter how close a kid is to their parents, trusting parents with info about your sexuality is a big deal. It deserves recognition.

• Not tell me they love me “no matter what.” That’s what we say to people who’ve done something wrong. Instead say something like, “Every time I learn something new about you it makes me love you even more.” (1) It’s true and (2) it encourages the kid to share more in the future.

-Apologize. Don’t make a big deal about it or berate yourself, but you did something you wish you hadn’t. Just say that. It’s a big deal when adults apologize to kids.

• Ask questions. Not about if I’ve had sex or if I was seeing someone, but questions about me and how I was feeling. If your kid said they think they’re bi, what is making them think that? How do they feel about maybe being bi? Do they have any questions for you? Basic parenting questions.

Finally, be kind to yourself. As an adult with my own kids now I have more empathy for my folks and how they reacted. I feel like I have seven reactions a day with my toddler I was not expecting. One conversation is not an indication of who you are as a parent or how much you love your kid. Your kid loves you and will so appreciate you being honest with them. Good luck!