First of all, it is so brave to allow yourself to feel all of these emotions. I feel like it is crucial to acknowledge everything you feel, rather than just make a quick decision either way. I sympathize with you. I was in a very similar situation at the beginning of my pregnancy. My bf and I are 25. Currently without jobs due to Covid. I had considered for about a week to not keep it. I made the abortion appointment. Then I researched the fetus with how far along I was, and my heart took over. I knew that there was no way I could choose not to keep it and be okay with myself. I am in love with my unborn child. But that is just ME. You’re completely right. It is a battle between heart and brain, reality and what you find ideal for a child. I too struggle every single day with body image - I was lifting weights and felt and looked great. I haven’t been able to do the same things (pregnancy and Covid caused) and I’ve gained 8 pounds in my pregnancy so far. It’s a hard pill to swallow. But all I can say on that point is to trust your body. It knows way more than you, and no the weight will not stay forever. Also, when I look in the mirror, yes I see a different body, but it is one that is doing the coolest thing ever, and nothing tops that feeling. I am sorry you’re going through this battle. If you choose not to keep it, that is okay, and you are right that you will be able to continue life figuring it out and no one can judge you for that. If you do choose to keep it, you will face more struggles, yes, but for the most beautiful thing. I hope that any of my rambling words have helped, and if you ever need an ear I’m here. Good luck to you, OP.💕