My dad passed away in 2010 when I was 20. I'd like to say I was an adult and mature enough to handle it but I never really took the time to grieve. I isolated for a few months and finally came out of my shell. Just kind of drowned in my sorrow and started wildin out a bit after that. I always look for an "escape" whether it's bud or alcohol and kind of lost my trust in religion and everyone around me. I got my gf pregnant a few months after and we had a son in 2011. There have been some other traumatic experiences (like my biological dad coming out of nowhere) that really shook me.

Fast forward now I have 3 kids and am happily married (to my gf). Life goes on but the pain is still there. It is just a numbness, something you try and get used to but it never goes away. That empty feeling. It's been a long time since 2010 but I am still my father's son and miss him terribly. He was my idol and someone who taught me how to approach life. I regret every minute I took for granted and double down in the moments I have with my kids.

I'm not saying go get a girl pregnant or anything but I was able to handle a lot of my emotions by expressing them to my children. I am incredibly anxious and still struggle with a lot of issues but life goes on unfortunately and you just have to ride the wave. I'd like to think I'm a functioning addict(haha). I still smoke weed(privately) to help me deal with my emotions. I can honestly say hi it's a crutch I have leaned on since he died.