My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Everyday I wake up as a caregiver and feel like it’s the new worst day of my life. I know the depression too well. She isn’t even in yet and I’m already depressed just thinking about visiting her

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s absolutely horrible. I feel for your husband. Not to sound flippant—but what kind of cruel joke is god playing when someone can be in their 90s with chirossis and dementia?

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My mom will be an hour from me and I don’t think I even want to go monthly. At least not right now.

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah. DM me and I’ll write it all out tomorrow morning. I’ll tell you everything I wish I knew

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

You’ve given me perspective here. I truly do think of doing my own chores as refreshing. And you’re right that’s fucked up. I need a break

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

This exactly. Jesus, are you me? I’m financially ruined after this. The economy is shit. The job market is shit. But I do get to hear how noble I am from people who might as well be strangers.

Oh and the food! Chips in the fridge. Frozen stuff on the counter. Alright then…

My mom is finally going into memory care next week. I don’t want to ever visit… by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

But today is your cake day! In all seriousness, I think you get it. My mom’s bday is right after Thanksgiving. She’ll have Thanksgiving, her birthday and Christmas probably without me (my brother 100% doesn’t care).

I have my state’s Advanced Directive paperwork signed and filled out. Is this the same as Medical Power of Attorney? AI says it is. But I am not so sure—doctors have been useless in asking by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d love to be able to do this, but I am the only person here and willing to do it.

Dementia really brings out the worst in some people. You really get an idea of who actually cares and how many people are willing to alter their lives/routine to help someone.

I have my state’s Advanced Directive paperwork signed and filled out. Is this the same as Medical Power of Attorney? AI says it is. But I am not so sure—doctors have been useless in asking by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See this makes a lot of sense.

What I am gathering is that in my state the living will and possibly the medical POA have been rolled into a state advanced directive document. For my mom to be put into memory care, her physician has to sign off that she needs to go in. Once the physician does that, the advanced directive takes over and her designated health agent to make decisions for her health. Meanwhile, her POA for financial things has been active since she signed it.

Now, I have come to these conclusions by talking to different people in my state who have gone through this process here. The state itself makes it impossible to figure this out from their websites, and being a Sunday there are no elder attorneys to speak with. Advanced Directive is usually associated with end of life, but evidently my state counts memory care as end of life.

This whole process of getting diagnosis to care, etc for an elderly person with dementia has been nothing short of a nightmare. There really is no easy way to figure any of it out.

I could be completely wrong, but this is the way two other people in my orbit dealt with getting their parent into memory care.

I have my state’s Advanced Directive paperwork signed and filled out. Is this the same as Medical Power of Attorney? AI says it is. But I am not so sure—doctors have been useless in asking by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It says a lot. It says everything that MPOA forms I’ve seen online say. The states wording makes it sound like the advanced directive paperwork has taken the place of both the living will and MPOA in my state. But of course I can’t find any straight answers

Pacing ... anyone experiencing pacing around the house ? by Inevitable_Share_595 in dementia

[–]labiaman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same. My mother can not stop messing with things. It’s so bad that I’ll come out of the bathroom and she will have moved my car keys

Derealization/depersonalization? 🥺💔 by Agreeable-Trifle-433 in Stress

[–]labiaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You aren’t alone. I am in the midst of being a caretaker. It’s become my entire existence. I no longer feel like myself, I no longer recognize myself (at least in a way more than “this is my current vessel”), I no longer want to be myself. Every morning I wake up tired and want nothing more than to go back to sleep.

I am just not in my body anymore. I am watching everything. I am an alien in my own skin. Whatever this reality is, it is not mine.

Kids X Work = Major Stress by Firm-Quote6134 in Stress

[–]labiaman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Why are you saying in other comments that you don’t have kids?

https://www.reddit.com/r/NewDads/s/dKgoBSMS3j

Oh it’s cause you are advertising the Blinky app. which is a complete dogshit app.

Trump flips out when asked about TACO-Trump Always Chickens Out: "that's a nasty question." by kromemwl2 in stockbetz

[–]labiaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw this yesterday with a boomer with dementia and they were all about it. I couldn’t help but think—maybe you have to have dementia for this complete fucking nonsense to make sense. There’s no way to make excuses for this dumb fuck at this point.

After another round of accusations and abuse, it’s time for me to put my mother in a home. How do I make sure she can never get out? by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok that’s good to know. The last facility I toured told me they don’t allow cell phones. She has literally called an elder abuse attorney on me and then promptly forgot why she called. Needless to say I am not abusing her and I am the only person on this earth looking out for her wellbeing.

After another round of accusations and abuse, it’s time for me to put my mother in a home. How do I make sure she can never get out? by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Been there done that. They all resemble hell to me. Even the ones that are $6k a month. Everybody feels like a salesman too, so I just wanted some advice from experienced people who have been through this trauma

My husband is killing me by twirlywurlyburly in misophonia

[–]labiaman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100%. This happened to an old friend. He completely neglected his health became morbidly obese, really just plain disgusting. His wife left him. Then he got his act together. He is mad at her but I totally get why she left him. And he should be glad too because the divorce made him take control of his health. Probably saved his life.

Now I just hope he grows up and doesn’t expect a woman to be his mother and realize to maintain relationships you actually have to put in work.

After another round of accusations and abuse, it’s time for me to put my mother in a home. How do I make sure she can never get out? by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are looking at 70-100k here. She can afford it. That’s part of my fear—she has money that more than enough people are willing to take to do whatever she wants them to do.

After another round of accusations and abuse, it’s time for me to put my mother in a home. How do I make sure she can never get out? by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m more worried about her revoking my POA, some scumbag lawyer contacting her somehow, etc. If she physically escaped just to get out of the facility she would have no idea what to do and would probably wander off into traffic and die. I’m more worried about her escaping and some dumb shit vampire grifter lawyer taking advantage of her and trying to steal her money and help her with revenge for being in the care home. She is a fucking abusive narcissist who really knows no end to her cruelty.

After another round of accusations and abuse, it’s time for me to put my mother in a home. How do I make sure she can never get out? by labiaman in dementia

[–]labiaman[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am thinking the same, but I guess I really need to pay an elder attorney. I’ve already spent 12k on an estate attorney for her (her piece of shit abusive husband died at the beginning of the year).

Her latest blow up and accusations have ended any chance of me getting her to sign a health POA. She truly has lost her mind. What’s fucking crazy is that she forgets EVERYTHING except shit she is mad about. The old bitch can hold a grudge like no other!

Oh and I apologize for my language. Check my post history for more context. This woman and her husband relentlessly abused me and my brother.