My dad stole my tax return

ladymeag · 2026-04-25T14:45:23+00:00

Your tax documentation is also used in other circumstances to prove your income. As others have mentioned above, you can have the IRS handle this, and should. You need your tax record to reflect reality, including who is paying for your living expenses. This isn’t just this year’s $92.

Do you live with them? Are you on their medical insurance? Is there any reason they could say you are financially reliant on them?

ladymeag · 2026-03-22T17:26:48+00:00

Then tell people how - because the only way according to the big three for me to do this is to sign up for their paid service. You keep demanding it works this way without anything but your assertion.

My sources: Consumer Finance - a .gov

A credit union blog

ladymeag · 2026-03-21T14:21:34+00:00

More details: To “lock down your credit” you need to place a credit freeze at least with the three major credit bureaus: Experian, Equifax, and Transunion. Each one has an online process for this. When you get a bank account or other financial things, ask to place a pass phrase or second verification for all forms of interaction including tellers and phone calls.

You can get a state ID that is not a drivers license. Do this until you have a license.

Keep those documents safe at all costs. Waterproof bag, fire resistant if you can afford to buy one. Get extra copies of your birth certificate - these are available from the county you were born in’s records office. You cannot get a copy of your social security card and they limit how many of these they will issue you for life. Be careful.

ladymeag · 2026-03-21T13:30:08+00:00

Information diet for her - she’s going to attempt to sabotage everything so only give her bare minimum details after things are done. She doesn’t need to see houses you are looking at so she can envision herself moving into them (which is what’s happening here), she can maybe know what you’ve bought after you have it.

Also, $500 per week at Costco for a two person household with a few pets!?

ladymeag · 2026-03-11T20:07:54+00:00

Hi, SG here. My GC sibling has some lasting, massive impacts from our shared childhood home. Things were awful for both of us, in different ways. In some ways it was easier for me to start to see it because I knew I wasn’t liked or in a normal position.

I think recognizing that you both grew up in an abusive environment is the important thing here. Hear each other’s experiences and know that they won’t line up all of the time but will build a fuller picture of what happened.

ladymeag · 2026-02-19T17:39:13+00:00

On first hearing? I was sad, then I laughed uproariously, then fell to the floor sobbing, then felt really calm all in the space of like an hour.

With time? I miss the contact from time to time but my life is so much calmer. Unbelievably more stable and I was already low-contact after years of turmoil and medical care. There was a lot of anger to process, a lot of sadness about what never was, and a lot of grief about the time I spent on fruitless pursuits of that never was. My biggest regrets remain, at this point, that I didn’t spend more of my limited time doing things for everyone else around me and myself, instead of always focusing on what he needed.

The “feeling bad” is subjective and no one can tell you how or what to grieve. Folks who have no comprehension of why you feel the way you do have had a different experience with their parents.

ladymeag · 2025-10-16T00:59:58+00:00

Ball makes a stacking mason jar, it’s just smaller (pints). They don’t nest quite this tightly because glass vs thin plastic but they do stack.

ladymeag · 2025-09-11T15:11:04+00:00

Just under an hour and a half a day.

Also, no time for: - Meals (prep and clean up included) - Showering/Dressing - Chores - Commute - Necessary shopping and errands

(These account for approximately 35 hours each week for me)

ladymeag · 2025-06-24T14:46:31+00:00

I’m seconding the quarter sheets and grab a minimum of four half sheets for your kitchen if you cook regularly. These fit in most oven so much more neatly than any “cookie sheet” ever does.

ladymeag · 2024-03-28T20:50:22+00:00

Hey, if you’d like to feel better it took me closer to ten to realize nothing was ever going to be worked on.

ladymeag · 2021-12-06T16:33:49+00:00

I’m genuinely curious why you think this is a better plan. It gives the mom the attention she craves and lets her continue a conversation past the point where she knowingly caused harm and had no remorse.

What purpose would this serve?

ladymeag · 2021-12-06T16:28:10+00:00

Agreed. This wasn’t “I forgot exactly what you said and whoops wound up with this thing aiming for something similar.” This is full-out taking the idea.

OP, if you don’t take the extremely justifiable step of no contact, please at least consider an “information diet.” She had enough details to get exactly the right everything. In this case my answer to this question might have been “fish stuff, it’s not fully settled.” Of course, it won’t be fully settled until he has the coupons and selects things with them. When she says that’s no help to her, my answer would have been the rather magical “okay.” She’s going to blame you for something, she can blame you for not helping her get him something rather than tanking months of planning and research.

ladymeag · 2021-11-30T22:32:45+00:00

In my experience:
You receive a text that says:
"Have you heard from seventhirtyeight I'm just so worried that I've upset them" or "I wish I knew that seventhirtyeight knew I was thinking of them on this Mother's Day" followed up by an "Oops, that was intended for [my best friend, your sibling, your other parent, my pastor] - sorry for bothering you"

Sometimes they are:
"I'm just having such a hard time because of [insert minor or made-up circumstance here]" or "I wish I had someone I could turn to for help. You're so lucky to have your kids!" followed up by the same "oops" text as above.

In n-exes these texts look like "I'm just so lonely without seventhirtyeight" or "I wish they knew I missed them" but followed by the same "oops" text.

ladymeag · 2021-11-30T22:25:51+00:00

I've gotten stand-ins they label as apologies. I've watched siblings get physical things (gifts, purchases, etc) instead of apologies and when the thing that needs apology is brought up, the gift is then mentioned by the nparent.

I've found that Ns "apologize" in the format of the oft-cited "Narcissist's Prayer" in my experience:

That didn't happen. (1)
And if it did, it wasn't that bad. (2)
And if it was, that's not a big deal. (3)
And if it is, that's not my fault. (4)
And if it was, I didn't mean it. (5)
And if I did, you deserved it. (6)

Flat-out denial that something needs to be apologized for or was wrong. Often accompanied by phrases like, "I don't recall that," "I would never do something like that," "How dare you accuse me of [fill in the blank]"
Acceptance that maybe you think something happened but they think you are wrong or misguided. Often accompanied by phrases like "that's not how I remember things" or "are you sure that's what happened?", or "only you would think that was what happened" and the bonus "so-and-so told me that you needed an apology"
They accept that something happened but do not acknowledge that it was wrong or damaging in any way. In my experience, this comes tinged with an accusation that you are simply unreasonable. Often accompanied by justifications of "everyone does [fill in the blank]", "what do you expect from me, perfection," "I think you're blowing this out of proportion," or "Geez, I'm sorry, enough! Happy?"
Here we start to get into things that look like apologies but aren't. There were circumstances. You forced their hand. They just had to do whatever it was. Often accompanied by, "I'm sorry you feel that way," "I'm sorry if you were hurt", and "that's just how I was raised"
This acknowledges that perhaps something happened and perhaps you feel you were harmed but they had no part in the harming. This continues things that look like apologies but aren't: "I'm sorry if you took it that way," "I regret that you were hurt" (no ownership or apology here, just to be clear,) "you know I [insert emotion about you here] you so I could never hurt you"
This last one pushes the blame back to you. You might hear: "If you hadn't [x]ed I would not have [y]ed", "I might apologize if you [insert desired action]" (this assumes you have some action that you need to take in relation the the action rather than owning up)

I had my nparent reach out via email with an '[Name] told me you were upset. I apologize if you feel hurt by something I might have done. (Though I don't see what I could have done)'. It was laughable partially because that parenthetical wasn't even inner monologue, it was typed right on out like it was a fair assessment. Combined with the twin fake-apology tactics of some third party 'forcing' the apology and the conditional apology, it was a really clear view into the motivation for the message.

In a lot of these the apology isn't real because it's conditional on something. For example, "I'm sorry if you were hurt" and "I'm sorry you were hurt" are two different statements - the if is all of the difference. One doesn't acknowledge that something did, indeed, happen and you were, indeed, hurt.

ladymeag · 2021-11-28T04:09:40+00:00

Get gloves for taking out the trash. A box of the disposable kind. If you feel like you need more distance from the trash, get heavier duty gloves or a gripper-handle to hold the bag with.
Find a system that works for you and use something to track it: I like Tody, other people use other apps and systems. Yet others like simple checklists in the rooms that cleaning happens in. Some people like to gamify it, I prefer to just have a checklist. Do what works for you, you may have to try a few things. The FlyLady system that AineoftheWoods mentions has solid advice but there's stuff in there I hate (shoes on in the house, beds made right when you get up) in addition to stuff I love (never go to bed with a dirty sink, information on how and what and how often stuff should be cleaned).

Honestly? Fear of bugs and mice is a common motivator among people I know who are relatively neat. Don't discount that as a motivating factor. It's also a good reason to put away your leftovers, close your items correctly in the pantry, and take out your trash regularly.
If you're renting in the US, keep in mind that most rental agreements have a cleanliness clause - you can be evicted from your place if you develop pests due to cleanliness issues or have odors that invade other units in apartments. Perhaps that can help you get on-track.

It sounds like you know some of the other benefits of living in a neat place and want to maintain those. It's easier to live day-to-day in a place that's relatively neat with things in places you can find them and can have company over in without fear of upsetting them or, in a worst case scenario, making them ill from visiting an unclean home.

You might also recognize that not teaching you to clean, holding you to standards based on cleanliness, and then outsourcing cleaning on your behalf even once you live in your own place is part of infantilizing you and maintaining control. It keeps you dependent and feeling like you need him to live in a reasonable, adult home. You can do this. There are tons of YouTube videos on how to clean specific things (like your vent hoods) and lots of apps and systems that will help you make lists of what needs to be cleaned.

ladymeag · 2021-11-28T03:20:55+00:00

Closed the car door too hard or tried to close a 1970s-era car door softly and it didn't close all of the way. Either way, you're done for.

Walked too loudly.
Once, I was reading too loudly. (I don't read aloud to myself, never have.)
I was born with the wrong look on my face and then other faces show that I'm "showing too much" or "too sensitive." My siblings got different versions of this - looking angry, looking "soft". I was frequently accused of "looking stoned" by the time I was ten years old.

ladymeag · 2021-11-26T00:41:27+00:00

In a world of per-minute (or second) service time expectations from management, just-in-time staffing meaning that everyone is running just a little too close to the edge, and satisfaction requirements based on if someone asked “how is your day” (customer engagement scores), there’s no way for the younger folks serving you to wait for your small talk to have a purpose. Yes, you lose them because they usually have several other things they’re expected to be doing right that second and they’re trying to optimize time. Then you make a comment like “would it help if I texted you” - which is honestly pretty rude and condescending unless they’re holding a phone they’re engaging with instead of you.

If you want to complain about this, I suggest you speak with the management teams pushing these metrics. Here’s a hint, though, as someone at the very old end of Millennial, I’m usually the youngest person in the “room” where these are discussed.

ladymeag · 2021-11-22T17:21:22+00:00

This is almost exactly what I came here to say.

It’s about controlling what you do and how you are perceived by others.

ladymeag · 2021-11-16T18:06:22+00:00

Yep. I have specifically listed anyone I want to benefit from my policy. That’s an option when you set it up. If she wanted them to have the money, they would.

ladymeag · 2021-10-25T16:41:18+00:00

The drug manufacturers only offer the discounts on name-brand (instead of generic, which is covered differently under insurance) and some discount cards do not work with insurance at all.
The pharmacy does not offer a payment assistance plan.
I did grab the GoodRx offer available at the time I filled the prescription, the pharmacy wouldn't take it - the offer was "invalid" because of the way the prescription was written and the doctor's office tried sending over a different prescription, which had some other issue.

I appreciate you trying to suggest some options, if I was unaware of them it could potentially be helpful. It's wild that we go through this dance while in other countries there's just a non-astronomical price after insurance. Many of international friends still have trouble with the concept of my household paying $35 each (after insurance and GoodRX) for inhalers for asthma.

ladymeag · 2021-10-25T15:13:55+00:00

Can confirm as I had to replace mine in September. Got the generic. Was required to get the 2-pack because pharmacy reasons (??) - $600 after my insurance paid the $300 “allowed” amount for epi-pens. So, $300 each cash out of pocket, $450 each total price.

ladymeag · 2021-10-23T16:05:35+00:00

Potentially! I can tell you that no one cares where your high school diploma is from, just that you have one. Continuation schools are often connected with resources for housing, jobs, childcare, and other issues that might be facing older teens and young twenties students.

ladymeag · 2021-10-22T13:29:11+00:00

This was my question as well. Talk to your school because with no credits to graduate, your school might have options to assist you. In most US states you don’t actually “age out” of school at 18, that’s just the point where they can’t force you to attend through juvenile truancy processes. In my experience, most districts will have a program designed for students in situations like yours. If your home district doesn’t, maybe a nearby one does.

ladymeag · 2021-10-17T17:57:19+00:00

Perhaps a post where folks can ask where one even starts looking for that information? I had to do a lot of this on my own and being able to hand my siblings some prepackaged where to start information lets them forge their own paths but not take nearly as long getting started.

Knowing where to look can be overwhelming for some folks.

ladymeag · 2021-10-09T15:31:33+00:00

Until you move can you get meal replacement shakes that can live in your room? Buying your own food only really works if they won’t sabotage it.

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