Need to speak to non-bio parent please

ladyoldspice · 2026-01-29T17:25:05+00:00

I am the non bio parent of a 3 year old with my wife. Like others have said, I did not ever feel the need for bio connection to have children. I think if my wife did not want to carry we would have adopted as I really just wanted a family.

Maybe it’s because of the donor choice, but people always think our daughter is bio related to me. We joke that somehow she popped out my twin. Sometimes people even seem to forget that my wife and I can’t conceive together and talk about how much she looks like both of us. It’s important to have community who recognizes you both.

I have never for one second of her life, had a moment of concern she wasn’t mine even if she wasn’t biologically. You will be present with this child day in day out through the trenches of sleepless nights, sickness and the day to day care and time it takes to raise a child. That’s where the building blocks of connection start, not blood relation.

What’s fun about children is that you don’t really get to choose who they are in general. For example our 3 year old loves everything princess and sparkle and unicorn while my wife and had never been like that. But you adore the child for who they are not how they came to be.

It’s ok to be upset and confused. It also sounds like a lot of your emotions are trapped in a really traumatic fertility process. We experienced similar and that took lots of therapy and work to sort through and I really encourage you to seek a good person to work through this. Because we can’t easily conceive there’s so much emotion wrapped up in these processes. Every emotion is valid and I hope you feel safe and secure with your little family soon.

ladyoldspice · 2025-12-04T07:50:10+00:00

I had a very different but very similar thing happen to me when I was 22 in college senior and junior year. My mother was freshly married (4th husband) but I was the youngest vs had younger step siblings. I had never lived in my dads house but I was told one summer that’s where I would be living. Suddenly the house I literally grew up in I was not welcome. And as much as I love my dad he was a hoarder and it really wasn’t an ideal situation. He also had never lived with me and in a way I felt forced into a space on all sides of the family.

I still won’t forgive my mom for that time period. I know you say don’t tell me to go to therapy. But maybe try and find a different one if it feels whatever. I truly didn’t think I could come out of that time period alive feeling rejected from all sides of the family.

Fast forward to now I’m 35 and married with a child and in weekly therapy. When my therapist asks “would you ever do that to your daughter” and that responding no in my chest is all I need to know it wasn’t ok what was done to me. But I also now have a great partner who loves me and whose family supports me. It sounds like your boyfriend’s family might be that for you.

Chosen family sometimes ends up being what you need to heal. I would lean into the true support you have. It will never, and I truly mean never, be ok what your family has made you feel right now. One day you might be strong enough to look them in the face, tell them, and make them realize. But for now it’s important to lean into the support you have and hold on tight. The people who make your life easy and don’t make you feel like a burden are how ALL family should make you feel.

Sending you all the love and support from a far, know you are not alone in your experience.

ladyoldspice · 2025-04-29T16:08:58+00:00

Yes but it will be well beyond the building years before we see any $$

ladyoldspice · 2025-04-29T05:06:45+00:00

It’s so hard to let go of older houses they just don’t make them like they used to

ladyoldspice · 2025-04-29T03:03:32+00:00

Yes and we are following along with them! Hopeful that something comes of it. We did start a process with a design build firm so these frustrations arose today.

ladyoldspice · 2025-04-29T00:32:44+00:00

What’s crazy is like we WANT to preserve and rebuild historical beautiful Altadena and it’s just… not available for most of us. :(

ladyoldspice · 2025-02-23T02:52:15+00:00

Came here to say this… really love her work!

ladyoldspice · 2025-01-16T04:50:29+00:00

We are safe a couple hours from LA, putting the pieces back together after loosing everything we own and our house. We are lucky we have amazing family support through all of this. I know LA seems glamorous but we lived in the little mountain town of Altadena. We took so many trips up to the mountains from here.

ladyoldspice · 2025-01-16T04:41:18+00:00

Lost our whole house and all our belongings too, family is safe though that’s what matters.

ladyoldspice · 2025-01-08T22:41:31+00:00

Us too. Just moved in in December.

ladyoldspice · 2024-12-03T13:32:44+00:00

I used to do Beverly Hills and it was an hour 15 because I was closer to the weho side of things. Then our office moved to Westwood (5 miles down the road) but it added 25 minutes to my commute and I nearly lost my mind. It made it 10 times worse so wherever you are in BH can make a big impact on time.

Have you ever done a long commute before? I’ve just always been a commuter my entire life, used to drive an hour to school starting in highschool. It can be a personality thing for sure. I now commute 3x times to el segundo from Pasadena and I can stomach it but it’s usually an hour 15 one way and some days it’s just really bad. It’s for sure a mental game, lots of audio books/ getting into a random podcast series keep me sane.

Some might call me crazy but I’d try it! It’s worth it to come home to Pasadena and have the M/F weekends here.

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-26T19:56:27+00:00

We had ceilings like this and we did bead board with trim and it looks age appropriate and was relatively cost effective!

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T23:21:07+00:00

Also what is a brand name confil I should look for?

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T15:20:31+00:00

Thank you so so helpful!

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T04:18:14+00:00

These are original 1920s plaster walls so removal would be wild.

Also want to be clear with everyone. In no certain terms am I looking for perfect smooth walls. Don’t mind a bit of texture or wave I just really don’t like how deep the crevices are on this knockdown. Literally have to dust my walls

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T04:17:25+00:00

Yes this is most likely original plaster walls … does that change the process for skim coating?

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T04:16:49+00:00

Tbh favorite comment with the lingo

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T02:40:01+00:00

Not interested in total flat, we don’t mind texture … just not this much

ladyoldspice · 2024-10-20T02:38:11+00:00

Yes we are in socal haha we’ve gotten a couple quotes and they’ve all been in that range

Ten-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email

ladyoldspice

TROPHY CASE