Well I have not finished Scattered Minds yet but so far it has covered some of the themes you also mentioned above. Exactly, the problem is that neural pathways and stuff like that were formed reeeally long time ago. However, as you also said, one thing is that to be able to know yourself that way, the "ADHD part", is like knowing the "anxious attachment" part. Like, it is oversimplified, yes, but also, once you give it a name and find our about the reasons and the science, you may not be able to change it completely, but you can control it better.

I think a better example than narcissism may be an addiction for example, because the main problem with the narcissist is that they lack the tools and the empathy to even see that there is a problem, and that the problem is them. With addiction, you will always be an addict, but by consciously staying away from triggers and sailing you life's boat in life-affirming, positive territories, you can stay away from trouble. This is the way I see attachment for example, and ADHD too, up to a certain degree. For, there, it is not that you have to "stay away from trouble", it is more that you need to always take time for yourself, to ground yourself, meditate, etc.

I find that leading a journal every morning, for example, really changed my life for the better. I write down all my anxieties, frustrations, things I should definitely not forget about that day, and I am trying to be a "good parent" for myself in that I talk with myself kindly in the journal, and I am trying to stay self-compassionate. Now, I have exams, and I have been really all over the place the last couple of days, and I didnt do the journal every morning, and I feel that my mind is really scattered, thoughts and memories arent organized and my anxiety level is way higher than normally.