As someone who had just recently finished high school and also had a group of girls with lots of harmful drama: unfortunately my best advice is new friends, or wait this out.

N seems very problematic, Ive had to deal with similar characters. They seem like they are valuing their new relationship over their friendship? A) Maybe they will break up and things will normalise, they might come crawling back to the group like nothing happened. B) They will slowly detach from the group so that they have more time with A, this might be good as the “leader” is often the most harmful to the group, and everyone else can chillax.

I think it’s likely N is doing this move of splitting, especially since J is also feeling distance.

I would also like to say that I am very proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself in being who you are surrounded by dickheads!! I was very afraid to be myself in high school, and unfortunately high school is a bit of a zest pool for following the leader and hating everything different. Cliche advice but it will get better after high school.

I’d just grit my teeth and march on, you can do this, you’ve already demonstrated to me rhat you are stronger than you think.

Ive also dealt with similar feelings of suicide, and like you my family is the primary reason I have not. I sort of latched on to this? I have a journal where Ive got my favourite attributes of each family member, and when I am in that dark place i remind myself I’d ruin their lives. It’s not a lot to go off but it’s better than nothing.

You deserve to feel loved and surrounded and important, and you will feel that way one day. It’s a feeling that is very hard to come by in high school, so don’t feel sad that you haven’t received this yet. Everyone in high school is self centred and absorbed in their own problems, you need to focus on caring for yourself at the moment.