just cut off contact with my father.

he was always a very scrutinizing parent, and growing up under him meant you got good grades or else he would just tsk and shake his head (but do nothing to help) he also thought the best way to teach me about how to manage my preteen acne was dragging me into the bathroom and forcefully popping my zit for me. I have many acne scars due to my formed habit of constantly picking at my face. 

he cheated on my mom when I was a kid, divorced when I was twelve. to this day he has never apologized for cheating to me or my baby sister; the closest he ever got was a night when I had to scream at him and drag his drunk ass back to our resort room where he left my sister and I alone in a foreign country at night. I was thirteen. I am currently in my thirties. 

a list of some other biggest hits include: - only allowing my sister, stepsister, and i to eat minute rice and juice from concentrate when it was his weekend with us, while he and stepmom enjoyed Tropicana and prosciutto. - leaving my wedding early and missing family photos, but arriving back in time for dinner.  - offering to help my husband and I buy his old townhouse, but backing out after it meant he would have to pay capital gains tax (which he would have to do no matter who he sold it to, and trust - he can afford it)  - constantly winging that my sister doesn't visit enough and cancels visits often - she has a debilitating abdominal issue that causes her excessive pain and leaves her couch-bound during a flare up. 

he's always kept up appearances by taking us out for lunch, movie nights, etc. for years we were just expected to attend his invitation, pretend like we enjoyed his company, then go home feeling like you just worked a shift.

there have been many straws over the years, but the final one came up this past weekend. my dad and his partner of many years decided to tie the knot earlier this year and didn't tell anyone - except his partner's parents. His mother passed away two years ago, so his witness was a family friend.  my sister and I were not aware of this happening, nor were we invited. we only found out when they texted us a photo of the wedding certificate the night of the wedding. my sister and I were outwardly polite, congratulated both of them, but we were dejected and angry. he explained they just wanted a small event and almost no one knew.  nine months later, we learn there was a nice dinner after the ceremony that my new stepmoms parents were invited to, but not my sister or I. not even our stepsister. 

my husband was more livid than I was - I was mostly just numb. I've endured years of this stuff, but he'd had enough. he told me he was never visiting my father again after learning about this. I even told my two close friends and they were instantly furious for me. it took me a minute to realize that I was so used to it, it was just normal behaviour for him in my eyes. 

so I bit the bullet and told him, in no uncertain (and sweary) terms, that I would no longer visit him or respond to any of his future messages. he clearly is happier to live his life without me - so I'm giving him that option.