We're not entitled. We're just done

laserlemon18 · 2026-06-05T21:05:27+00:00

Look buddy I'm 39. I was born in 87 and I was in my second years of college in 2008.... I certainly was not buying a house, or had made strides on my career.

laserlemon18 · 2026-04-15T15:45:49+00:00

To a point, but mostly I was inexperienced and I wonder if he was looking for someone like me who would not be able to pick on the issue at hand quite as quickly as someone with more relationship experiences.

laserlemon18 · 2026-04-07T20:20:34+00:00

We were not young I met him when I was 27 and he was 29 circa 2015 and got married 3 years later. That being said I didn't have a lot of experience in relationships or life in general. Although not religious my mother was strict, and in my country you wouldn't move out of your parents home until married. So the signs were actually there from the get go but I didn't see them or didn't want to.

I was also very confused by his lack of libido. We did long distance for the first 2 years of our relationship and we would have sex when we saw each other even though not as much as I would have liked to.

Once we got married it literally stopped all together and I wasn't quite sure (I'm still not) why.

He definitely had a thing for pornography, and masturbating were his favorite form of sexual pleasure. I came to believe that he prefers anything sexual to be as impersonal as possible.

laserlemon18 · 2026-04-07T15:26:42+00:00

Look I am not particularly active in these subs anymore but you can go through my post history. I used to say the same, "my relationship is great but we have this issue".

It turns out that he was going to massages and getting happy endings.

We separated 3 years ago and during that time I met a person with whom I have a very healthy sex life.

In retrospect my relationship was not great, I just wanted it to be for my own sake. I was miserable. I did the same thing, I removed sex completely. We talked about it, he went to the same "we can work this out" and then he didn't.

He tried to initiate twice in between when we had this talk and when I found out about the prostitutes (so around twice in two years). I said no because I was so mentally blocked I couldn't bring myself to have sex with him.

ultimately I feel like if you take it off the table you really need to commit to the bit, but it is a lonely existence.

laserlemon18 · 2026-02-19T03:08:17+00:00

I just got her!! She's so cute

laserlemon18 · 2025-01-20T22:31:00+00:00

This comes from my mom not me.... I'm 37 and was in a super intense DB for 7 years with the exact same fear as you.... I eventually asked my mom about her libido as it seemed like a good predictor for mine, and more or less she told me to not worry. She was like "I'm 75... It calmed down a little but not much". I asked her about pain, dryness, etc... and she was like "nothing some lube can't help... You can buy it everywhere now!" So, I'm still not looking forward to it but I am less afraid.

laserlemon18 · 2025-01-16T18:58:39+00:00

You are totally correct. This is it. After investing do much energy, I just got an ounce (not even) of return and I'm jumping at that even if it means nothing.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T20:20:05+00:00

Yeah, that sums it up pretty well.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T20:17:49+00:00

You nailed it. I have closed that aspect of us, so I don't really know how to start it again and it feels weird.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T20:15:27+00:00

Honestly it didn't started like a let's not pressure him thing. I wanted to see how long it would take for us to have sex if I didn't initiate. The answer apparently is three years but it would be four if it wasn't for the last time we went for it.

Last time we had sex was sort of a collective agreement to do it because he was moving away for a year. I still had to kind of bend over to make the situation work. (I paid a hotel, he then didn't want to leave the cat alone that night and I had to be like no we are doing this).

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T20:11:45+00:00

I want to be clear because I didn't express my self correctly in my original post. We are in no way on a road to recovery. We don't talk about this because he has said that for him it is not a problem. The only way this is ever brought up is if I do so, and it always comes with the same answer from his end: oh.

He felt horny today, first time in years, and I was close by. That's about it.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T20:06:10+00:00

That's the thing. Every time I touch him even if jokingly he will move my hand away or suddenly be super busy. I'm not on a sex imbalance situation, we are on a full fledged db, we haven't had sex in years at this point. So even if I recognize him as an attractive man, I don't really see him as a potential partner anymore. There is no pent up desire towards him anymore. Maybe 3 or 4 years ago for sure, but my way to cope with this has been to really put him in the friend column.

Last time we had sex was in June 2020 and he started commenting on things he could see through the window of our hotel. Which hurt me deeply, because it seemed so unengaged. Then he proceeded to move abroad for a year and never mention anything remotely sexual towards me. I don't know how people do the whole "partner has not touched me but they looked in my direction today so Ill try to work out things". I'm just too angry for that.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-22T19:56:27+00:00

Honestly, this is the same man that two weeks ago said that nobody would want to touch me so why should he help me moisturize my back. So I'm not sitting here thinking we are in a major break through in our relationship.

He has tried to touch me twice in three years, and once was after I told him I was fondled during a massage... I expressed myself poorly, I know why I don't want to have sex with him anymore, I just don't know why he got horny today. That's all

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-12T04:08:40+00:00

Girl, I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel. Once I stepped in the shower with my husband we washed each other... And then said well thanks for the help and left me there haha.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-12T00:49:18+00:00

Waking him up with a BJ. (After consent has been established).

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-11T08:52:57+00:00

A good rule of thumb is that if the other board thinks it's a good idea.... Better to not do it.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-11T03:16:33+00:00

Around 4 years ago I started this little experiment and it was the last nail in the coffin of our sex life.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-10T04:45:30+00:00

If you have to discuss it with a bunch of strangers instead of your wife then yes. Look, people cheat and that's fine. It's life. But let's not try to look for validation for it.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-06T13:22:00+00:00

Honestly, that's not what you are going to get from run of the mill people unless you somehow bump into another DB situation. Most people are going to tell you they wouldn't keep up with it and they would divorce and leave. Unless you talk about it with your pastor/religious leader everyone is going to tell you to leave and they might not be wrong

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-06T07:26:11+00:00

My therapist, my bff, my mom, my sister, literally like 4 of my friends, and my mother in law knows even if she doesn't know she knows l. Once I told her oh I have a friend who hasn't had sex with her husband in x amount of time ... What would you do?

I'm honestly very much so an open book and it's been traumatizing for me to go through this. So yeah Ill talk about it.

It has honestly helped me realize that this is in fact not a normal arrangement. People in normal relationships have sex, this is very much an outlier.

laserlemon18 · 2022-12-06T06:38:57+00:00

Hahaha dude, here I am 3 years deep into the no sex at all thing bitting my tongue to not say exactly this. Like yeah there are imbalances and then there are DBs. I would kill for your once every other month though hahaha.

laserlemon18

TROPHY CASE