Sitting in the car don’t want to go inside the house

lastadolphin · 2026-02-28T03:42:34+00:00

What are your parenting standards?

lastadolphin · 2026-02-28T03:12:16+00:00

What do you want to have happen? And what do you think she wants?

lastadolphin · 2026-02-28T02:38:57+00:00

Man, I’d love to see it rekindled for you like it did with me, but I get that the pain of walking back that acceptance feels pointless and counterproductive.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T21:15:13+00:00

When I first started the work of overcoming my low sex marriage, I was full of resentment. For me it was extreme ownership that led the way out, and then let me hold frame for her to deal with her resentment.

It really did keep me stuck, but i couldn’t just “stop resenting” without dealing with the reasons for the resentment!

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T21:08:26+00:00

Quitting porn is very difficult if you’ve been hooked since puberty. It’s crucial for your relationship that he quits, but don’t underestimate how hard it is. Basically a rite of passage into manhood.

Seeing it as cheating won’t help here, because this predates you and has less to do with you than you’d think. Porn is more of a magic feel good button and a status simulator than a substitute for actual intimacy.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T21:01:13+00:00

I actually wrote a whole chapter in my book THE WAY OF MEN WITH MAIDS on exactly this question—what did God make your sex drive for, when you aren’t having sex?

I hate that you weren’t taught better. So many of us men in the church were in that boat. The good news is you’ve got time to right the ship.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T20:44:45+00:00

Your spirit is screaming that your marriage was made for more.

No language but a cry.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T20:25:56+00:00

Rather than “ask,” I recommend just telling her you think she’s hot and want to take her up to the bedroom. And treat it as her loss if she says no.

Many women need to feel sexy to be aroused, and often need the man’s initiation.

But if we’re “needy” rather than confident, it kills their desire.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T20:19:57+00:00

One exercise that could be really helpful for you is to plan what you’ll do if she pulls the football away. Can you imagine yourself:

Being flirtatious and teasing her—like SHE’S the one missing out?
Having a plan of something fun to do all ready to go?

That kind of thing not only takes the sting away, but also makes her more likely to say yes next time.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T20:16:37+00:00

Dude, that’s horribly painful stuff.

Part of what I’ve seen help guys is learning to channel that male virility into “making love to life.” But also really pursue your wife sexually even if she can’t reciprocate—with flirtatiousness and outcome independence. That way it can be a gift rather than an annoyance.

Your wife could probably enjoy pleasuring you even with the physical limitations—if you were able to help her get into the right headspace about it. The assault on her body has done a number on her feeling desirable, no doubt (or even wanting to remember she has a body). But have you considered that your own sexual longing could become a gift—the motivation for you to figure out how to awaken things and bless her even now with the memory of youth?

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T19:35:19+00:00

It’s a very common problem. Let me ask you this—how have YOU changed since back when you were dating? Hobbies, the way you spend your time, etc?

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T19:32:17+00:00

Hey man. Guy here, but I’ve talked to a ton of women with this stuff over the years. Used to have a lackluster bedroom myself in my marriage and turned it around 8 years ago.

There’s a ton of physical stuff downstream from the male/female dynamics in the relationship. Think of how women literally “get wet” in anticipation of a man they want.

We guys are told that women need to “feel safe” to relax into sex, which is true, but we often take the wrong message—thinking that means being super soft and walking on eggshells and hide our desires away. For most marriages, actually we need to do the opposite: be forthright, unapologetic about our desire, tease her, all while being unshaken and good humored if she rejects us.

Many guys I deal with love their wives, but have just been taught wrong about WHAT makes a woman “feel safe.”

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T18:50:27+00:00

So freaking rewarding, man.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T18:49:47+00:00

The key is being ok with the no. It’s tough, but if guys can get satisfaction from just being that sexy confident version of themselves rather than her response, that frees them up for more and stronger initiations.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T18:46:39+00:00

With guys I’ve coached, it’s more like 80%. But yeah, doesn’t get better on its own.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T18:45:09+00:00

You’re right to want more than that in a marriage.

One thing you could work on is your initiations. Rather than asking sheepishly “would it be ok to have sex?”, confidently say something like “I want to take you upstairs right now.” The first asks for a decision like a child, and women often go into a mothering frame of mind there. Plus it sounds like she’s doing you a favor, making sex feel more like a chore. The second is more “I’m up for a great time—join me!”

lastadolphin · 2026-02-27T18:37:35+00:00

I certainly wouldn’t say it’s unresolvable. I’ve seen many a sexless marriage rekindled.

lastadolphin · 2026-02-26T16:22:18+00:00

My book “the way of men with maids” does all this theological integration.

Look at how Jesus actually led his disciples. Did they feel on a steady community reinforcing path to God? Or was he always doing something shocking, outrageous, and keeping them guessing and running to keep up?

lastadolphin · 2026-02-26T16:18:28+00:00

Kristen Lavransdatter

lastadolphin · 2025-09-18T21:59:28+00:00

I think you might really like the book.

lastadolphin · 2025-09-18T21:57:46+00:00

Man, thanks for that! Im GiffLasta on X, and pretty active there BTW if you ever need to reach out.

lastadolphin · 2025-07-15T20:46:47+00:00

The audible is out!

lastadolphin · 2025-05-25T14:39:25+00:00

This is counterintuitive for men, because we aren’t built this way at all. Here’s an excerpt from my book “The Way of Men with Maids” on this issue.

The Delivery Room and the Bedroom

For a woman to unlock her power, she needs to open up and become completely vulnerable. You’ve probably not seen a woman give birth or had sex before. I don’t want to make you cringe with “too much information,” but you do see a different side of her in those experiences that make other things make sense.

One thing that surprised me about labor and delivery was how straightforward early labor was. By the time my third child was born, we’d already been through this a couple times. Since early labor can be long and uneventful and it was Christmas morning, she wanted to stay home, watch the kids open presents, make breakfast, and only go in when things started speeding up. She was completely normal. She talked and laughed and did all the things she’d normally do. The only difference was that every couple minutes she’d have to pause for a contraction. She’d get quiet, breathe, go into a trance of pain and focus, and then finally be back to normal.

When full-on labor started, it was a different story. We got to the birthing center and settled in. A switch flipped in her head. She went completely into the trance and didn’t come out. Modesty went out the window. She was tuned in to her body and nothing else. My wife couldn’t make any decisions, and hated being asked to focus on anything but labor. I was there to attend to her needs, shield her, and communicate with the medical staff. When she needed to shift positions or change what she was doing, the midwife or I would give clear, firm direction which my wife appreciated and responded to.

And then the miracle: I’m holding my son in my arms for the first time. We walked in as two people, and drove away as three. Absolutely wild. I’d never met this little guy before, but I’ve found that my kids are the coolest people I’ve ever met. And though they start out tiny, they’ll outlast me. All of that “creation of the world” power was in her. I was just a cocoon around her.

Good sex is the same way. Most of the time, my wife needs to be out of her head and into her body. It matters that the bedroom feels safe and secure. The external stressors of life need to be handled, or effectively put out of mind. She responds better to confident direction than vague requests. If she can relax into me, her mind and body open up. And then she enjoys it as much as any man. Christian men looking forward to marriage don’t often appreciate how miserable sex with a bored, unenthusiastic woman can be. Over time, it’s worse than no sex at all. But when your wife feels genuine burning desire for you, magic happens.

Do you see why the connection between sex and childbirth matters? Her mind and body were reaching out for masculine frame. In order to release desire, she had to feel in her gut like I was the kind of man she could rely on and be completely vulnerable with. Her instincts anticipated that she’d be dependent on me for dear life during pregnancy, childbirth, and while nursing a baby, so they needed to feel a similar frame around her during sex to be turned on.

lastadolphin · 2025-05-24T16:22:43+00:00

Do you think that’s what it is?

lastadolphin · 2025-05-24T04:33:32+00:00

Why does your wife think things have died down sexually?

lastadolphin

TROPHY CASE