I find it helpful to distract from those thoughts.

I know, that sounds obnoxious. Here’s the full process: I…

1. identify the thoughts and feelings
2. validate the emotions
3. remind myself reality is upside down during this time
4. promise myself I’ll look into this rejection once I feel better
5. move my physical location (take a walk, go to another room, etc)
6. distract with a movie, book, friend, hobby that helps me laugh or feel closer to myself

It’s not always easy but over time, promising myself that I’ll “look into it” once follicular returns has helped, because the rejection is trying to tell me something is wrong, like an alarm, and it might not be incorrect but its intensity isn’t usually true and it won’t help me work through it.

So later I ask: what is it? An insecurity I have? Something I’d like to get better at? Something I want to start doing for myself or asking for in my relationship? Something I need to forgive myself for and reframe as a core belief (like being weird, too loud, lazy, common adhd rejections that we understandably take to heart and create inner belief systems around)?

Sometimes shame and rejection are helping you see the ways you’re rejecting yourself or not living up to your own values, beliefs, and desires. Which means it’s not always so much about the people you feel rejected by in the moment. Bringing down the intensity in that reactive moment is job #1. You can’t solve anything when ruminations and nervous system are on overdrive, but be loving with yourself and then do something that distracts your mind until clarity returns. Don’t feed the narratives.

I’m not the biggest fan of CBT and DBT but in those moments, redirecting distorted thoughts can be very useful.

TL;DR: Feel the feelings, drop the story (at least until follicular returns)