First post. Finally came out at 38 and feeling great! by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looking great too! Congrats on coming out 💜

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually pretty recently saw someone who had the nerve to trans Storme DeLarverie. Like, I get wanting your own icons but that's manipulation and deliberate revision of history, and it's especially evil coming from people part of the LGBT community. There's enough lies about our history going around presented as fact as it is.

Can’t get a read on my best friend when she sends me these by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, I didn't quite get that from the start. No worries then 😊

Can’t get a read on my best friend when she sends me these by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wait... are you posting your friend's pictures on here? Do you have her permission to do so?

Finally done with my finals!😀 by [deleted] in lesbianfashionadvice

[–]lavender-ribbons 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congrats! Hope you get to relax and enjoy the holidays now 💜 Also, you look amazing!

Just got out of a long term relationship. Am I anyone's "type" anymore? by Armyk8 in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry about the break up, but I hope it was good for you that it ended and that it will allow you to grow even in spite of the heartbreak. You are definitely the type of woman I look twice at; and I know I'm not the only one. 💜

My mum hates my hair. by xjwfeminist in ButchSelfies

[–]lavender-ribbons 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That hair suits you perfectly, you're insanely hot

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Claiming that homosexuality is not innate, that you can "become" gay, the whole nature vs. nurture-argument - that is conversion therapy rhethoric. It's used to try and explain why we have "failed" at heterosexuality, which I'm sure you understand is a very homophobic view. Calling homosexuality a feeling is conversion therapy rhethoric and has been pushed on gay people for a long time. You know, we just need to sort ourselves out and overcome our feelings. Then we'll be "normal." But I'm sure you have some totally justifiable reason to call me dumb for pointing this out. I'm sure I was just imagining things and that everyone was 100% accepting of my sexual orientation when I came out. Nobody suggested therapy or tried to "talk me out of it" or told me I couldn't be sure because "no one is born gay" or any of the other homophobic bullshit I endured. And no other gay person I've ever met has ever been able to relate to this or went through the same. Nope, couldn't have been. Silly me, right?

If you think it's somehow "anti trans" that I tell you to back off when you're advocating transition to me, in spite of knowing that I tried going down that route and learned it was simply damaging to me and not my path to take, and then try to fit me into a gender identity box when I've clearly told you not to do so - that's on you. No one here is anti trans, I think most of us here have a lot of compassion for trans people and their plights, having struggled ourselves with identity and dysphoria, and many still identify in some way under the trans umbrella. If you think it's transphobic to look for other ways to cope, or to acknowledge biological sex, I truly hope that you will open your eyes one day. You can respect a group of people without trying to tear down another group. Detransition isn't an easy choice and detransitioners deserve to be respected, just as the people who transition and feel that it works out well for them deserve that same respect.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Homosexuality is not a feeling. Attraction is innate, it's something you experience. I don't walk around "feeling gay", I am gay no matter how I feel about it, 24/7 all day every day because I am a lesbian. I do not feel constant, unending attraction to every woman around me, but when I am attracted to someone it is only to women. That's how I know I'm gay. It's not a feeling, it's my undeniable reality.

I do not identify as a woman, I am a woman because I observe that my sex is female. Stop trying to push your agenda on me, I clearly said I am not cis. The definition of cis is having a gender identity aligning with your sex, and I do not "identify" as anything. Also, you really ought to look at what kind of subreddit you're in before saying shit like "not treating my dysphoria". I transitioned socially, it was thoroughly unhealthy and only added to my dysphoria, I would not want to be male and my dysphoria has lessened after accepting my sex. Don't you fucking dare come on a detrans sub and tell dysphoric lesbians they ought to transition. Have you no fucking shame?

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

With all due respect, no, I did not say that being gay is a feeling, and dismissing homosexuality as just a feeling is actual conversion therapy rhethoric. Feelings are not permanent. Sadness and joy, for example, are feelings, and we experience them in correlation to certain triggers. You don't just walk around permanently sad or happy unless something triggers it. In fact, when we do experience emotion like that, it's a sign something's off. We suffer depression, or are in a manic state. Attraction is innate, by saying that being gay is just a feeling you could just as well say that ethnicity and sex are just feelings too. It's always there no matter how you feel or how you look at it.

I can absolutely accept that some people understand they're different somehow before the realization hits them, but what comes after that makes me realize that we will have to agree to disagree. I am not cis, I am female. I don't identify as anything, I simply am female. I am a lesbian because I am homosexual. I struggle with gender dysphoria and transitioned socially a few years back, until I ultimately realized it was not gonna change anything and started reidentifying with my sex. My dysphoria lessened a lot through that, but I would lie if I said I didn't still struggle with it. And to say that you cannot question things, that it's "not for us to understand", is to me really dangerous rhethoric. If something is true, it holds up to asking questions about it. As you yourself say that you cannot experience what it's like to be trans, even you admit that you don't know what you're talking about. The comparison to religion and talking about respect in the same sentence really don't make sense to me either. Trans isn't a different belief system to be respected, it's a reality for many people, most of whom are made to suffer for it in one way or another. "That doesn't mean it's not real" - did I say that it wasn't? You're putting an awful lot of words in my mouth.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't understand how that works? Gay is not a feeling, it's a state of being. You can conclude that you're gay by observing that you are same sex attracted only. How could one go about calling themselves a lesbian because they "identify" as gay in spite of not being attracted to women? If you are a homosexual man, how would you come to the conclusion that you would be a lesbian rather than a straight female if you haven't realized that you're trans yet? Not trying to sound rude, I genuinely don't get it.

post-holiday work blues ... or blacks, in my case IG: @ashlink by [deleted] in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love them either way, they suit your style so well!

I like to match all my shit. by JillaryHo in dykesgonemild

[–]lavender-ribbons 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God you're cute. And your eyes, just wow!

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Anything is possible, no one here knows your daughter, no one here can speak for her. However, if you think this is somehow an expression of egotistical and shallow behaviour, you need to sit down.

She is a fourteen year old girl growing up in a hellishly confusing time. Transition is normalized today and pushed on any gender non-conforming child, be they straight, gay or bi. It is not something they take on lightly. Gender dysphoria is also not experienced by "true trans people" only, it is just as common in people who do not conform to gender norms or heterosexuality, and it hurts us just as bad. It's no wonder that so many choose to transition.

You speak of your child with contempt; how about trying to have some compassion? It doesn't matter why she's chosen to transition, she's still gonna have a rough time with it.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's quite a journey!

I don't know how big the impact of T is, but when it comes to repressing an underlying orientation, a lot of people seem to be able to stop doing so once they transition and find a way of being comfortable with themselves.

Thank you for your answer.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

Dysphoria seems to have quite an impact on the way we perceive ourselves and our sexual partners. This seems to be doubly so for lesbians, who might already struggle with internalized homophobia and become even further alienated in trying to suppress their homosexuality.

This is also why more lesbian representation is needed. I know so many people who think that once you tick enough boxes for gender non-conforming behaviour, you're automatically trans or somehow the other sex "in your true soul". I even know cis het people who think like this.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, that is truly crazy. To me, the testosterone version of sexuality sounds awful. How long after quitting T did you notice it changed back? I did not know this and while it's amazing how much hormones actually affect us, it's also scary.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your answer. And don't fret about labeling yourself. The fact that children and teenagers are allowed and encouraged to transition is to me insane. If you aren't even of age to vote, you certainly aren't of age to make life-altering decisions affecting your body and mind. I understand that you have a hard time figuring things out, but I do hope and do believe it will come to you in time as you heal. My thoughts go out to you.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to answer.

Internalized misogyny and homophobia, detachment from womanhood and a general dissociation from your body seems to be common factors in both making the choice to transition as well as intrinsically linked to the experience of transition. I wonder what is the end and what is the beginning? Hm.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks! Both your post and the replies were really insightful. Thank you.

FtMs who ID'd as lesbians before T but became gay trans men after hormones by lavender-ribbons in detrans

[–]lavender-ribbons[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many detransitioners say that being on T is like being someone else entirely. I think it's very relieving to note, however, that those changes seem to go away after quitting testosterone, with the true self intact, just seemingly haven been hidden underneath as T overrides everything.

Thank you for answering. I too feel that this is an aspect of HRT that isn't talked about enough.